The better the home, the better, starting with these four kinds of speaking tone

Source of this article ｜ Qian Zhiliang Studio

Author ｜ Qian Zhiliang

Language is the greatest invention of human beings, and it is also a weapon that humans hurt each other:

Obviously care, but the one who speaks is accused of blame;

Obviously recognition, but the sarcasm is ridiculous;

Obviously you can answer it well, but the one who speaks is the taunt ...

The contradictions of how many families are due to improper expression.

Good family relationships have a great relationship with language expression, especially the tone of speaking. I want family happiness and start from changing your tone.

01

Rudely ask

Example:

"How do I know your things, you won't find it yourself?"

"Do you have no long hands?"

"Are you not in your heart?"

Imagine, if someone in your family often ask you like this, what will you feel?

Uncomfortable is basic.

Listening to friends talk about such a little thing:

He and his wife went to travel outside. When he arrived at the hotel, his wife wanted to go to the supermarket to buy something. Because he was unfamiliar with the road, he asked him casually: "How should I go?"

My friend was a little tired, and was lying on the sofa to play with a mobile phone to rest. I was a little impatient to hear this:

"You ask me, who I ask? Do you won't you navigate with your mobile phone yourself?"

As soon as the words fell, the room was silent for several seconds, and the friend stunned, and looked up to see his wife's face.

Fortunately, he realized that his tone was not good and immediately apologized to his wife.

Some people say that people with low emotional quotient are "good at" and ask.

When a person talks to you in a tone of asking, it conveys strong condemnation, inexplicable hostility, and the high attitude of highly, which makes people uncomfortable.

Not only that, the tone of the other party often looks ridiculous, and you can hear ridicule and attack from the tone of the other party.

Communicate with your family, and use the question carefully.

02

Full of indifference

Example:

"I haven't seen you such an obedient child!"

"Are you really annoying! Can you be quiet?"

"You are over?"

How can I hurt my family with impatience?

There is a relative in my hometown. The old man is 70 years old. During the period of learning WeChat, because he was unfamiliar, he couldn't typing, and he was very difficult.

I often call their children for help, and the children have patiently answered the previous few times.

After many times, they broke out:

"Oh, dad, did I teach you a few days ago?

Why can't you keep remembering? I am in this class! "

When the old man heard the answer, he hung up the phone in a panic, half of the shame, half of them blame himself.

Perhaps the impatience of children is not intentional, but the degree of harm to the elderly will not be alleviated.

If the closest person is often impatient to you, it makes you grievance and self -doubt, and suspect that you are a trouble.

Parents are the same for their children. Many parents often show impatient tones and expressions when they are tutoring their children to do homework.

When the parents are impatient, the child may feel:

Self -blame: Parents think I am annoying, is they having abandoned me?

Grievance: I just didn't know a question, but I was scolded.

Self -denial: I may be really stupid ...

All the feelings are mixed together and become helpless.

The mouth is hurting a ax, and the tongue cutting knife.

Compared with direct abuse, the damage caused by impatient tone is hidden and difficult to detect, and the distance between you and your child unknowingly.

03

Sword mouth, tofu heart

Example:

"You should wear so little, you deserve to freeze to death."

"Don't you have your eyes? Don't look at the car."

"Just do it, don't find me if you are sick."

There is a question on Zhihu: "What kind of experience is a mother with a knife -mouth tofu heart?"

One answer is impressive:

"I don't believe that a person with a knife and mouth will have a tofu heart. Even if there is, it is also a hard -frozen tofu, which can kill people."

The heroine in the movie "The King of New Comedy" is like a dream because of running a dragon.

She has never been recognized by her father. Her father scolded her "the mud can not help the wall" and threw her luggage downstairs, so that she would never come back.

The daughter left home with a loss. After a few days, my father secretly followed her daughter and came to the set to see if anyone bullied her daughter, for fear that her daughter was hungry.

Later, Ru Meng succeeded in becoming a big actor, and his father burst into tears silently in the audience.

Parents' evil words often do not express love and speak.

Many people often hang their knives and tofu's heart, and always feel that it doesn't matter if it is ugly.

But the fact is that the family can't see your tofu heart at all, and only see real harm.

For example, if the child is worried, you are obviously worried, but with a strong attack in the expression:

"Just do it! Frozen death! I won't care about you!"

After a few words, where the family can see your care, the child is unwilling to open himself, and the parent -child relationship is worse.

Don't use tofu to rationalize your knife mouth. The knife is a knife, which only hurts the child.

04

Irony and negation

Example:

"I haven't seen you as stupid."

"You really useless."

"I don't have giving birth to you."

There was a news that happened last year. A post -00 boy climbed to the top of the 33rd floor and sat on the side of the rooftop railing to jump the building.

The reason was that I bought a refrigerator at home that day, and the delivery staff went to the house to go to the house and went to the house. The child called to ask his mother because the signal was not good and it was not clear.

My mother scolded with a hurry: "You're so stupid, you're dead!"

The child and his dad also scolded him: "It's so big, I don't understand this!"

When the boy couldn't think of it, he climbed to the rooftop. Fortunately, he was rescued by the police.

Can you blame your children's glass heart?

In fact, the deepest harm in the world is always language, and sometimes the closest person is not aware of it. This psychological torture often collapses.

There was such a story:

A boy with a bad temper, his father gave him a bag of nails and told him that whenever he lost his temper, he nailed a nail on the fence in the backyard.

The boy did it. On the first day, he nailed 37 nails.

But slowly, the number of nails every day is getting less and less. He finds that it is easier to control his temper than those nails under the nails.

He told his father about it, and his father said that now whenever he can control his temper, he removes a nail.

One day passed, and finally the boy told his father that he finally pulled out all the nails.

Father said:

"Son, you do well.

However, if you look at the holes on the fence, you can never return to what you used to be.

When you are angry, you can say that you can leave scars like these nails. "

When we say bad about the family, nail nails in the hearts of our family, and such damage can never be made up.

Lin Yutang said:

"Speaking is not easy.

We are talking every day, and we are not necessarily talking.

We said something for a lifetime, and how many words are it? "

Children learn to speak at the age of one year, but they can talk and learn from speaking to good words from speaking to good words.

As a parent, we need to communicate with the people around us gently and rationally. It is not only the importance of demonstrating a good demonstration for children, but also the key to making families happy.

- END -