Psychological chat | Why don't some people "talk well"?

A recent article shared by CCTV News WeChat has resonated with many netizens: Why don't some people speak well? Why do many concerns and exports become blame? Why did I want to ask for help, but I couldn't help complaining first? In life, this kind of "will not speak well" often happens between people who are close, causing misplaces of love. Some netizens expressed it as "disorder in love". Is this really the case? This issue of psychological chat, we invite Zhang Yan, a member of the China Psychological and Health Association and the national second -level psychological counselor, explained this phenomenon to us.

Sword mouth tofu heart: "different hearts" sometimes hurts people

When it comes to "I won't talk well", netizens can have too many personal body, the knife mouth tofu heart, and the heart is really hurting people.

The mother of the netizen "Peach Black Tea" always clamps with a stick, and often makes her feel uncomfortable: I say I have a cold, she will say: You just do n’t exercise, do n’t eat it, do n’t eat it. Only the resistance will be so bad. You see that I never catch a cold; I eat the fish and get stuck by the fishbone, but I am afraid to go to the hospital, she will say: walk, do n’t go, you can wait until the throat is inflamed and swelling. ; I asked her not to move my things. I couldn't find it after moving. Okay, I don't care if your room will become a kent nest in the future; I occasionally coquettishly said that she wants to eat her meals, she will say: Yo, aren't you the most like to eat takeaway? … "Peach Black Tea" understands that my mother loves her especially. "Every time she says that she is more anxious than anyone else, she wants to eat on the dining table the next day. , But if love can be expressed well, isn't it better? "

Some netizens said that they bought gifts for their families, and they obviously liked their family, but they couldn't say thank you. Instead, they blame themselves to waste money, and they did not know how to live a family at all. Some netizens said that their parents like to speak and say that they are wrong. They feel that they are wrong no matter what they do. In the end, they become very rebellious, and they are becoming more and more difficult to communicate with their families.

Other netizens found that the problem that his loved ones would not speak well seemed to continue to himself. When you got along with close friends and lovers, he obviously wanted to praise "it is really good, it is awesome", but when you go to your mouth It became "you actually did it too", and obviously wanted to comfort the other party, "Don't be sad, things will always pass", but when it comes out, it becomes "I don't listen to my persuasion, and it will be sad to live."

Why are the people who are always close?

Some netizens said that when getting along with strangers, they can always maintain a polite and friendly attitude, but when they get along with those close, they have become a gunpowder barrel. The language becomes a sharp thorn, and the closest person is always our closest.

Zhang Yan, a member of the China Psychological and Health Association and the national second -level psychological counselor, believes that the two days of the two -fierce two -day speaking attitude are closely related to a person's psychological motivation and environment. If you want to create a positive, sunshine image, it will be more polite and more psychological defense. However It is easier to retreat to the state of childhood. "

This is not difficult to explain why when getting along with people close, they will be angry and angry, but not everyone speaks when they get along with those who are close. This kind of speaking mode is related to the interactive mode and personal language habits. "

How is this language pattern formed? Zhang Yan believes that this is related to the language environment of childhood. Parents' language patterns will directly affect their children. Children will be attacked in a language violence environment for a long time and will also project attacks. When he grows up, he will unconsciously hit the language stick to friends and lovers in his friends and lovers.

This attack mode is also divided into two types: inside attack and outward attack. "Outside attack may be manifested in treating people around the people in the form of language violence. The inward attack is even more terrible. Some children are more timid. I will turn all the anger of being attacked to myself, constantly self -denial, and trample on my own self -esteem. "Being injured in evil words may need to heal trauma for a lifetime." We must realize this as an adult. Or the teacher, you need to actively guide, see the characteristics and flash points of the children, and pass the beautiful blessings to the child. "

Figure | Visual China

Is this a disorder? Don't diagnose yourself

In the face of this problem, some netizens started to think about it. I often talk so much about others, and I do n’t have a disorder. Is this kind of mental illness? But don't really scare yourself. Usually speaking does not mean that you may have a disorder.

The symptoms of emotional disorders are generally difficult to identify different feelings. It is difficult to understand the source of some feelings. It is difficult to express their emotions and it is difficult to identify the emotions of others. It is difficult to get along with others and cannot communicate with others. "If you feel that these symptoms often have these symptoms in the near future, it is recommended to seek a doctor to help to diagnose the cause of the disease." Zhang Yan introduced that the obstacles to describe the disorder are not an independent mental disorder. In fact, it is generally in the heart and body disease, neuropathy, and various mental disorders. It shows that emotional expression is limited, and emotions cannot be appropriately expressed. The ability to understand emotional changes is poor. Seriously affect communication and interpersonal relationships. Taking emotional disorders is often a complication manifestation of other psychiatric diseases, such as autism, depression, schizophrenia and other mental illness, may occur in emotional disorders. Such people often give people a person in dealing with intimate relationships. The impression that the style of planting is too rational and indifferent and the emotional lack of feelings is just just talking about the smell of gunpowder. Learn to express bad emotions correctly, helping to establish a healthy interpersonal relationship

Human emotions are very complicated and changeable. The common sense of joy and sorrow and joy is normal. It is normal for negative and negative emotions. However, learning to correctly express your bad emotions. It is very helpful to establish a healthy interpersonal relationship. On the one hand Let our emotions soothe and support emotionally; on the other hand, it is also conducive to letting others feel your sincerity and help the formation of harmonious interpersonal relationships.

How to express his anger and dissatisfaction, Zhang Yan gave a few very practical suggestions. Let us know what I like and hate, so why do you like and hate? What are the aspects of us? Maybe it is a moral, values, or just a different habit. "This is especially in the husband and wife getting along It is common. "Secondly, evaluate whether to accept. If it is, then the difference between people to accept people, we cannot ask others to be consistent with ourselves, and what we can do can seek common ground while depositing differences." This is especially true for children. It is not easy for others, but you can try to change your attitude and gradually make yourself gentle and calm.

With the above awareness preparation, we can explore how to express negative emotions safely from the technical level. The first point is to create an environment of expressing emotions. Discussion and handling. "The second point is to express their feelings and ideas frankly in the discussion, so that the two parties can better understand each other. The third point must be able to apologize to their existing problems. Anti -reflection is also a powerful ability. "The fourth point is to tell the other party about his expectations, and finally expressed his gratitude," In the process, don't forget the time for the other party to think and respond. I hope everyone can speak well and get along well. "Yangzi Evening News/Zi Niu Journalist Shen Zhao

Edit: Qin Xiaoyi

- END -