"What should I do if the child needs money to contact me?" A mother asked for help, brushing the circle of friends

I saw such a help post by chance, and a father said:

My daughter made a phone call in a month this year. The WeChat chat dialog box was all transfer information.

Father and daughter relationships are not stiff, but they do not communicate very much.

Sometimes my daughter talked about videos with her mother. When she saw him, she just talked about the topic of "money".

So he couldn't help doubt: Is the problem being on himself? Why is the biological daughter so sparse at him?

Coincidentally, I saw this similar situation in the circle of friends a few days ago.

It was a young mother. The son usually doesn't care about her, and only needs money to contact.

But giving it or not giving her embarrassment, knowing that there is a problem with the mother and child relationship, but do not know what to do?

Thinking of this, I can't help but feel distressed.

They are annoyed by their children without exception. As long as the children need it, they will be satisfied.

However, the reality is not as good as what they and their children and their children have become better because of "money", but it becomes worse.

Frankly speaking, what parents are pursuing are just money in their pockets, love at home, love and response, and children will be grateful.

In the end, there is only money trading between children and parents, which is the biggest misfortune in the family.

There is a boy named Yang Tong in the show "Transformeter".

Parents run the factory rarely home on weekdays, leaving him alone in a large villa building of 300 square meters.

Without the company's companionship and care, 15 -year -old he went out to visit the nightclub with friends or drunk himself.

Every time his mother came back, he closed his mouth to "get money for me", and even pulled his mother to visit the mall.

In his opinion, the mother is a withdrawal machine, how much is it.

The mother said a few words, saying that he spent his money, and he immediately changed his face, and he ran away in public.

Although Yang Tong is rich, what you want to buy is basically the same.

But he turned back to "left -behind children", and he had no happiness when he didn't spend money.

It was full of emptiness and loneliness, and even repeatedly moved the idea of ​​light because of drunk.

Perhaps in his heart, his parents' money is his money. He spend much more than others.

However, he only knew how to reach out to ask his parents for money, and asked him for nothing. He was extremely lacking in love and completely insecure.

The huge home is just a place to sleep, no anger and warmth.

In fact, how many parents treat their children in life:

The concern for the child is to express money by giving money. It is not enough to give a thousand. The more you think, the more love the child feels.

As everyone knows, the child's emotional needs have not been satisfied, and they are forced to fill all kinds of substances.

For him, he will only be confused and confusing, treat his parents as a gold master, and should enjoy the parental giving.

When he grew up, he only determined that "giving money is to love me", and once his parents no longer met his materials, he would be rebellious.

In this way, the wrong way of maintaining the relationship will only be mistaken and wrong, and it is difficult to re -correct.

I met a mother when I was consulting.

As soon as she came, she cried and blamed herself: The son was studying and fighting, and it was useless to tell him, and now he still lives in someone else.

Asked how she usually disciplined her son, she froze for a moment, and the truth broke out:

It turned out that when her son began to learn to walk, she went out to work with her husband, put her child in her hometown, and returned at most once a year.

Every time I talk to his son, because of his nervous study, he asked "a little bit" and "whether the money is enough".

Once the son accidentally said that some comic books were particularly interesting and beautiful. As soon as she heard it, she subconsciously felt that these delays learning, so she persuaded the son to look at the textbooks more. Don't look at some of these all day.

Later, the son no longer told himself anything that had nothing to do with learning.

Although the money is still required, no matter how much she wants to ask something, the son's mouth is strict, how to pry it.

Even if he was fighting with others at school and leaving home, he didn't know at all listening to the elderly at home.

A good son, fell to actively giving up study, unwilling to go home, she was full of regret and despair.

Educator Charlotte Mason said:

Many parents are always busy all day long and have never been able to take care of their children. When they finally wanted to care about their children one day, they found that they could not communicate with their children, and their parents had become insignificant for their children.

The child is fruit, and the parents are the cause.

Today, the child refuses to interact with his parents, and is willing to maintain a money relationship with his parents. It must be that the parents refused first when he needed emotional support and interaction.

It doesn't mean that parents cannot be busy with work.

Instead, when the child needs to establish a relationship with the parents, the "key period" that is willing to share with the parents. Parents must seize the opportunity and contact their children's feelings.

Only when parents are willing to pay time and thoughts for their children, and squatting down to listen to their children can children feel love and need.

A child who has never been rejected by his parents will never take the initiative to refuse his parents.

Professor Li Meijin has been engaged in the study of youth mental health for many years. After seeing countless families, he found that:

What kind of person to be, what kind of "concept" he has.

The formation of "ideas" lies in the "belief" captured by the child when he was a child and then became a "ideas", and finally became a "belief" of a person.

If you want to build a good parent -child relationship with your children, it is not a material alone, but more importantly, psychological support. In the book "Psychological Raise", Professor Li Meijin told the three stages of the child's psychological development:

First, children should be raised with emotions at the age of 0 to 3.

Children at this stage cannot act independently and lack a sense of security in the world.

Only when he shouted and sought help, his parents (mainly mothers) responded in a timely manner and took care of them could he form a healthy "attachment."

Once he trusts his parents, he will trust this world, and it is easier to open up and continue to develop affection and friendship.

Second, children should be educated at the age of 3 to 6.

Different from emotional support, personality education is more standardized and restrained of children's words and deeds, that is, start to say "no" to children.

The premise of personality education is that parents and children have enough healthy "attachment relationships."

Faced with the excessive needs of the child and unreasonable, his parents should teach him how to express the needs correctly and know how to think in other places.

Only by controlling his age "cruel" can children know what to do and what should not be done.

When he has good behavior norms and knows how to consider the problem from the perspective of others, he can have high emotional intelligence, good education, and is welcomed by others.

Third, the child should be able to cultivate the ability at the age of 6 to 18.

At this stage, the child is strong or tough, whether he can suffer, whether he is working hard, determining his future life direction.

In addition to accompanying, listening, and attention, parents must also give the child confidence to help him find his strengths in his heart, and encourage and affirm more.

While guiding him to continuously improve his ability, let go in time.

As educational expert Sun Ruixue said:

"Parents' responsibilities are to provide children with a safe environment with love, but as for how to explore the world, it is the child's freedom."

Family is an important place for children's psychological development and personality education, and parents are the first responsible person.

Before the child is 18 years old, parents always have to put their minds on the child's personality.

Talking more with your children can children be loved and loved by their parents.

I especially like a paragraph of the soul writer Huang Shuwen:

"Being a parent without life. Everyone needs to learn. They need to restore themselves into a seed and re -grow themselves.

Let go of authority and treat them equally with children;

Let go of perfect and get along with yourself;

Let go of accusations and sincerely reconcile with your parents.

In fact, in the process of raising children, parents must continue to trim the branches and leaves of their lives, eventually fulfill their lives, and achieve common growth with their children. "

Perhaps for the first time as a parent, it is inevitable that there are frustration, falling, and injury.

But as long as we try to stand at the perspective of children, we will experience their situation and give them more love and companionship.

I believe that children will always understand their parents' efforts and painstaking efforts, learn the homework of "love", and continue to grow and bear results.

One day, he will bravely carry the burden on his shoulders, feed his parents, and become a good blessing of his parents.

mutual encouragement.

Author | Oh, mother, willing to use their own hearts and pen to open the children's spiritual world.

Picture | Visual China, the Internet (if there is any infringement, please contact and delete)

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