Don't turn "love you" into a task of "too difficult" for others

1.

A younger sister, who came to my house and cried her lover who was not satisfactory. (Yes, I am a special sister, I like my sister, my sister is the cutest little animal in the world!)

After listening to her full night, I said to her: The test you gave for each other in the relationship was too difficult, and others could not do it. If you change your place, you can't do it yourself.

She reminds me of a friend of me. She is not young, very good boys, girls are easy to Crush, but in the end -single with strength

Essence Several of his ex -girlfriends are good friends. They told me that it was too difficult and could only retreat.

Coincidentally, a few days ago, I also received a question from a user: my own conditions are really not bad. I will be praised by my friends and colleagues' bosses daily, but it is difficult to enter the close relationship. After asking a boy who had been ambiguous for several years, the boy said, dare not, and felt very hard.

So today I risked the risks that might have been sprayed with politics, and I want to talk to you about a topic: Do you have the matter that "love you" into a task that is too difficult for others?

2.

The ideal love is that someone can always choose and not give up forever. But the long -term relationships in reality are even more common for the two ordinary people.

In fact, to a certain extent, everyone is a "difficult" lover. There are some problems on us, so that those who love us hate or feel uncomfortable. We all have our worst side. Friends may not be able to see you on this side. Parents may love you too much without minding you. Only the lover who has been with you for a long time and is accompanied by you, meet you get along.

This is a compulsory homework for everyone in intimate relationships. Your lover will raise a mirror for you so that you can see that you are not so willing to see.

And some people, in addition, go further than ordinary people. The TAs intentionally or unintentionally turned themselves into lovers who were "too difficult" for others; it would indeed reduce the possibility of TA their long -term intimacy.

When others are full of enthusiasm and want to get close to TAs and connect with TAs, the TAs will create a variety of frustrations for those who try to love TAs. In the end, the other party felt disappointed with the relationship, or disappointed with their own abilities (I felt that I could not meet the requirements of the TAs and could not promote the relationship), and finally chose to give up the relationship.

Even some people do not give others a chance to get closer. Some of the impression made by TAs to others made others unable to come to the idea of ​​"you can try to approach". The TAs seem to be out of reach, or they do not need to be serious at all.

3..

Five types of difficult lovers

The first type of difficulty is those who tend to close their emotions in the relationship; especially for deep communication that involves some inner levels involving feelings and ideas. TAs will not love their love, nor do they expect their lover to enjoy themselves. There is no emotional flow in the relationship with the TAs.

This kind of lover will bring a feeling of "dead silence" to the partner, and it will also doubt the authenticity of the relationship.

The second type of difficult love is a person with a weak emotional adjustment ability and a unreasonable expectation for relationships. Such people are like children who have not grown up emotionally. When the TAs are stabbed by their partners, the TAs may fall into a deep low; when the proudness and dignity of the TAs are damaged, the TAs cannot say their feelings and will fall into silence. I look forward to the partner like a baby like a baby Like the parents, guessing what happened; it may also suddenly fall into anger, because the injury gave the TA a feeling of getting out of control. Only by attacking can we recover the sense of control.

Getting along with this kind of lover, if you really love TAs, it will be prone to emotional exhaustion, because your emotions will be affected by the emotion of the other party, and you need to invest a lot of effort to guess the other party's thoughts. In reality, ordinary people have not been trained in psychology, and it is difficult to maintain such love all the time. Often, after we are exhausted, they cannot satisfy their lover.

The third type of difficult love is the one who is unwilling to accept the love. TAs will refuse the goodwill from the partner, and it is difficult to accept the praise, encouragement and help of the partner. Sometimes although it does not express the rejection in verbal, it will be awkward and reveal the awkward display. After being helped by a partner, the TAs will also show the help of the help provided by the partner: "You don't do it well."

In life, the TAs will pay more attention to the details of the non -loving TAs that the partner shows, or the part of the partner's love is not satisfied with the expression of the partner's love. For example, the partner may do ten things to care about the TAs, but the TAs are indifferent, and once when the TA feels uncomfortable, but the partner does not provide support in time, the TAs will be keenly noticed this, and keep in mind that they are in mind in keeping in mind that they are in mind. In my heart.

Even TAs will tell themselves and each other that I can feel your care, but I suspect that you have another picture. Such partners often make their partners feel frustrated -covering a heart that decides to keep cold.

The fourth type of difficult love is the center of the relationship that always requires themselves to be a relationship. Even if he loves someone, in the long -term relationship, everyone has the need to see and respond to. At all times, you must occupy the upper hand of the relationship. If you want to ask not to pay, you will gradually accumulate the disappointment in the other person's heart. Such partners sometimes rebuke or degrade their partners to consolidate their status. The last type of difficulty lover is a partner who is difficult to commit to the relationship. In the relationship, the TAs are afraid of investing in love, stopping watching, and always afraid of missing better possibilities. Therefore, when the other half has already made a commitment, I often feel that the TAs "do not like themselves so much" (the promise here is not the verbal "sweet words", but the all aspects of the behavior truly show the relationship) Essence

4. 4..

Although the expression forms are different, these difficult lovers still have some things in common: TAs are easy to feel the great frustration of pride and dignity when they are fragile, but the other party did not perceive and respond to this fragility. Then there was a strong sense of shame.

TAs need to test their partners repeatedly in their hearts: to see if TA is really trustworthy, and see if it is safe if you give your feelings in the relationship.

Overall, the childhood native family of difficult lover is indeed unsatisfactory. TAs did not learn to accept love and believe in love in the early days of their lives. Some children only accepted their parents "conditional love" when they were young: "Only when you meet my expectations/meet my requirements, I will love you." "I don't care" with doubt, lack of confidence, and performance at the same time.

Even, the TAs will laugh at those who love TAs. They feel that those people are deceived by the illusion that they are stupid, and they also despise the love paid by each other;

Of course, these difficult lovers have not experienced a particularly good lover -probably that TAs do not give opportunities by themselves, and have no allowed good relationships to happen to themselves. Good lover can re -understand the understanding of love by providing the new love experience to the TAs.

Some of the TAs have been under high -voltage control in the past. In the name of love, someone tried to control/dominate TAs to achieve their own goals. High -pressure control will disintegrate a person's trust in others and love.

The most important reason for the impact is that TAs have not liked themselves. Low -self -esteem people tend to treat themselves negatively, thinking that they are not good enough or are not worth being loved. TAs will refuse the love from their partners to avoid conflict with the self -awareness of the TAs (Hendrix & Hunt (2004).

(To respect your lover, we must respect yourself. How important is the "self -respect" in intimate relationships? Click to read: the more sensible in the relationship, the less you are cherished? | The prerequisite for the health relationship is "respect yourself")

5.

I also suddenly realized this matter in my twenties -don't let those who love themselves lament "it is difficult to love you."

In life, it seems a shame to express "I'm so lonely". But in fact, loneliness is sometimes a pain. The human mind sets energy from the companionship of the close people. When we have troubles, just listening and recognition of others can relieve negative emotions; sharing happiness with others will allow us to gain a sense of self -worth.

Long -term loneliness will make us low, empty, and depression. It is for this reason that love is so important and precious for us. It should not be a shame to admit loneliness, because so many people live in loneliness. It shows that we lack love at this moment, but it is also driving us to find the inner power of love (the love here is not limited to love).

It is also important to make love to turn yourself into a very comfortable thing for others, or at least not so difficult, frustrated and exhausted. It takes us out of loneliness.

We can become a "less difficult" lover through self -regulation. Looking back, let's talk about it carefully. Tell your own thoughts and expose your fragility with fear -you can start from this point.

I hope you can see you who can be a "not difficult" lover for your lover. above.

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