Never live "second -hand life"

Author: insight allergy

If you ca n’t listen to yourself, you will be ordered to be ordered.

01

"What I have been living is a kind of second -hand life."

Chatting with a friend a few days ago, she suddenly jumped out of such a sentence. I stunned for a few seconds before I realized what she was talking about.

When she was young, she wanted to paint, and the family said that she didn't draw any more; she didn't draw any more;

Later I wanted to write, and her friend said that there was no future, she would not write;

Marry, give up his beloved person, and marry a person who is satisfied with a parent.

Ten years after the marriage, in the face of a discerning husband and a breathless life, she chose to endure.

One is for children, and the other is to prevent people from discussing.

The experience of my friend reminds me of Liao Yimei mentioned the concept of "second -hand life" in "A Cloudy Life like Me":

"Listen to what others tell you, let the taboos hinder your field of vision, set the strip box for yourself, and live a vulgar life. I call this second -hand life."

The life of the second -hand life is the point of view of others, life is the imitation of others, and emotions are the opinions of others.

If you think about it, many people around you seem to have lived "second -hand life" unknowingly.

Select majors after the college entrance examination. Others say that you are interested in majors to find a job, so you choose a popular professional you don't like;

After graduating from college, you want to go out, but your parents want you to find a stable job, so you go to test and prepare;

After 25 years old, relatives said that they would not get married anymore, and then you start to go on a blind date frequently;

35 years old, your center of gravity moves to the family, only parents are short in life;

By the age of 45, I suddenly found that I seemed to have been copying other people's lives.

Looking back, it is more than half of the floating life.

If you have been living in the expectations of others, then you live in a second -hand life throughout your life.

02

The writer Su Cen said:

"I don't understand why I care so much about the views of others. The criticism is just the pastime of boring people. Why not see the enemy. If you don't eat other people's meals, don't take the words of others too much."

The mouth is someone else, and life is his own.

Don't let others think, decide your life.

We might as well make a choice question: a mole, a future, who will you choose one in the second choice?

I believe that most people will choose the latter, but the supermodel Simadi chose the former.

At the age of 16, Cindy looks sweet and her body is high, but she has a big mole because she has a big mole on her lips.

The agent recommended her to many advertising companies and was rejected.

Later, a client was finally willing to use her, but asked: "You take me down the mole."

Sindy was reluctant to bend, and immediately replied, "I'm sorry, I just don't take it."

She lost a chance again, but a few years later, she was finally appreciated as a model of heaven, and the mole became her exclusive beauty.

Therefore, why not live in other people's second -hand experience, why not confirm the life you want to go?

In the novel "Silent Confession", the girl Lydia has always lived in the double expectations of her parents.

Lidia's father is not a local native. His lifetime dream is to integrate into the United States and make himself together;

Lydia's mother, dreaming of becoming a doctor, but because of her pregnancy interruption, she married and had children early.

They poured their dreams on Lydia.

Her father often urged her to call her unfamiliar friends, asked them to watch movies, and forced her to attend the ball.

Mother gave her a variety of thick and difficult books every time, such as "Human Anatomy Color", "Famous Scientificity" and so on.

Lydia also made every effort to cater to her parents' expectations.

She strives to have a good relationship with her classmates, even if she likes alone.

She tried to finish all the homework arranged by her mother, even if she didn't want to be a doctor at all.

But the result of desperate hard work is that she becomes less and less like herself, just the shadow of her parents.

Nietzsche once said: "If you can't listen to your own, you will be ordered to be ordered to others."

A person's life should be controlled by yourself, don't let the strips imprison your life.

Don't waste time and life in the recognition and expectations of others.

03

There is a word in psychology called "Window Man". The intention is to say:

There is a kind of person who wears fashion clothes and go to high -end restaurants to show themselves to others.

But in the end, they lost themselves and became a seemingly perfect "window person".

If you live to show others, even if the world is bigger, it is difficult to have your own place, because there are always people's eyes;

If you choose to live for yourself, even if the strength is small, there is a day with a lot of light, because there is your own light everywhere.

The drama actor Wang Dushun has performed more than 20 years in the Shenyang Dialai Troupe. It can be said that his career is successful and his life is happy.

But he had to resign to show his artistic dream to a larger stage.

After listening to a friend, grab his clothes:

"You are stupid, you are all 50, you will retire in ten years, there are pensions, insurance, and salary.

Wang Dushun did not listen to persuasion at all. He gave up the preparation and all benefits and became the North Drifting family.

The question of questioning is still accompanied by him:

"Let's go well, but come out to suffer."

"Do you want to toss and enjoy your old age?"

Wang Dushun was unmoved.

At the age of 79, he became a model of cotton fashion show. At the age of 85, he learned to drive the plane and fulfilled his dream. There is a saying: "We are always controlled by others inadvertently. After experiencing, we discovered that the world is ourselves and has nothing to do with others."

In this world, too many people were careful and lived in the definition of others.

But your life does not need to play cards or be defined by others.

Born writer Li Shanglong was born in a soldier family. In the expectations of his parents, he obtained the military academy.

But after school, he found that his dream was incompatible with the military academy, and he fell into deep pain.

He often asks himself: Do you have to be the same as others?

Therefore, regardless of his parents and the people around him, he studied English hard and became a teacher of New Oriental.

One year later, he was the most popular teacher in New Oriental.

When others thought he would go on this road, he conquered the next mountain and became a best -selling writer.

He said that he was glad that he had the courage to choose to leave again and again, change the track, and do different himself.

I especially like a lyrics in "Not that simple": what others say, listen to it casually, make a decision by yourself.

Sometimes we will be affected by what others say, and make it easy for the control of our lives.

But there are always people who listen to what others say, and then use their strength to prove that they are wrong.

▽

Someone asked Wang Erde: "What is the most horrible thing in the world?"

Wilde replied: "Too many people don't live like themselves."

There is no fixed template in life, let alone move hard, and make your life "second -hand".

Therefore, when you are confused, ask yourself:

At this moment, where is this?

Is it in the template of others, or in your own desire?

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