Analyze the potential model of the intimate relationship between Chinese people, with the help of "the" Mean "philosophy put forward a new type of marriage and love

Huang Quan (Publishing House Pictures)

Cover reporter Zhang Jie intern Zheng Hao

Love is a kind of ability, you need to learn or express.

Many adults have a confusion in intimate relationships: what is true love? Why do we always be deeply hurt by the person we love? Where does the love after passion go? How can we have a healthy and long -term intimacy? How is the mode of getting along with a healthy way to keep your own personality and enjoy the warmth of love? Whether it is young or middle -aged and elderly people, with the movement of time, the intimacy between the two will have more or less contradictions and doubts. How to improve emotions without seeing so deliberate? How to understand each other's inner words without touching the bottom line and enter the minefield?

Huang Quan, a psychological counselor with 25 years of experience in emotional counseling and practical experience, has been focusing on the education and spread of psychological applications for many years, and successfully applied psychological theory to the fields of corporate management, operation, marriage, family, parent -child education and other fields. "Intimate Relationship" is a psychological reading of psychological theory to answer the problem of intimate relationships for readers. In this book, the author analyzes the three potential models of love, the eight potential models of the intimate relationship, and the 7 layer of self -cognition of the iceberg principle, etc., and analyze the original family, emotional crisis, and wrong demand for readers in the intimate relationship. As a deep problem such as love, provide practical solutions to help readers find the true self and build a happy relationship of happiness.

At present, there are many books on the theme of gender relations in the market. Huang Quan's "Intimate Relationship" still has its own unique features: analyzing the potential model of the intimate relationship between Chinese people, fully absorbing the advantages of western psychology, and advocating a "exist There is a way to get along with us in the golden mean, integrate the advantages of Chinese and Western thoughts, and propose a intimate relationship mode and love view of modern Chinese people.

Huang Quan said that although there is no so -called "perfection" in this world, we can pursue excellence. The only way to make marriage more beautiful is to grow and act. How can there be two ways in the world, so as not to be as good as Qing? The so -called beautiful love is just that two people know how to be tolerant, understand, and respect each other.

Dialogue Huang Quan:

From the perspective of the philosophical philosophy, put forward the concept of marriage in the new era -both "me" and "us"

Cover news: The number of psychological themes is large. Now you can find a lot of books on the same subject in the bookstore. From the author's perspective, please talk about your special features?

Huang Quan: Most of the people who write intimate relationships in the publishing market are affected by psychology. Psychology, as science, first came from the West. Western culture attaches importance to individuals, so the western marriage concept is inclined to individual consciousness. Oriental culture attaches great importance to the whole, so the oriental outlook on marriage is generally focused on family. Paying attention to individual marriage concept is easier to divorce. However, there are also insufficient places to pay attention to the overall view of the oriental marriage of the family. For the sake of the family, many people seek to fulfill and sacrifice themselves. Therefore, from the perspective of the philosophical philosophy, I put forward a new era of marriage -both respect the individual and have a community consciousness, both with "me" and "us". According to my observation, this perspective is rare in other books.

Cover news: Regarding the topic of sexual emotional topics, we will see the word "PUA" on the Internet very high.

Huang Quan: In fact, the word "PUA" originally meant to be "the art of chatting", telling people how to better communicate with a stranger. The word itself is neutral. But now someone uses this technology to control the other party, so "control" has become the new meaning of PUA. It must be wrong to control others. When communicating with anyone, no matter what purpose you take, even if you are really "good for you", even if the other person is your partner, your child, including your parents, cannot control others.

In my book, I suggest that everyone must respect others and us. Two people must be based on respect. The best way to avoid being pointed by PUA is to distinguish "communication" and "control" -communication is a solution that both parties can accept; control is to guide and persuade the other party to achieve the goals you set.

Cover news: Some people will be very emotional that there is no ability to fall in love now, love is incompetent. Or some people think that economic pressure is now under great pressure, or the whole society is under great pressure. It seems that falling in love has become a very luxurious behavior. The negative emotions of the whole society are more serious. What do you think? Is human nature fragile?

Huang Quan: In fact, any society, the times, stress always exists. So why do many people feel that they don't want to get married? I think it is because the conditions for not getting married are more sufficient. The current social division of labor is getting thinner and thinner. For example, there is no takeaway. If you go home to work, you have no food. If there is another person at home, you are much more convenient. Now that I have takeaway, no matter what time I work, I ’m going to a call at home, and my dinner is solved, so this provides a basis for division of labor without marriage, creating the conditions for not getting married. I don't think it is a person now, becoming more selfish than before. In fact, human nature has not changed since ancient times. What changes is that social development has created more conditions for people. Marriage is the best choice for society to develop to a certain stage. With the development of technology and the progress of society, the concept of marriage will change. Cover news: For a while, the word "native family" became very circled, and there was a little discomfort in life. Putting things into parents. What do you think of the native family?

Huang Quan: Native families do have a great impact on a person. There is no way to get rid of the influence of our native family today. For example, the word "me" that we often hang on our mouths is actually no concept called "I". The so -called "I" is actually you. The sum of all the cognitions recognized in the past, including your name, what kind of person are you, what do you like or not, etc. The most source of "I" is from our native family. The answer about who "I" is, like the script of life that affects our lives. Of course, the influence of a native family on a person can be changed. As long as you are willing to learn psychology and master the method of changing, just like you can change your name to change the impact of the native family on you. Therefore, I oppose a person's theory of pushing all his misfortunes today.

Cover news: Recently, there is a hot word called intimacy disorders. He has no ability to have this intimate relationship. He has shrunk when he encounters a relationship. In fact, he does not think so. This belongs to psychology Is it calculated? Is it phenomenon?

Huang Quan: In a psychological term of positive psychology, it is called "the helplessness of acquisition." In fact, some people have encountered some failures in the previous sexual relations, and he will have a sense of frustration. If he feels frustrated, he no longer dares to try. If he no longer dares to try, he is eager and dare not try. We can also replace it with another word called evasive attachment personality disorder. People with this personality are generally related to what he experienced when he was a child.

Cover news: Some people say that I understand a lot of truth, but I still can't live well. You also include some good suggestions mentioned by other psychologists. He knows, but he can't do it. How do you recommend these people?

Huang Quan: We roughly divide the human brain into two parts, one part is called "brain" (correctly expressed "" cerebral cortex "), and one is called" cerebellum "(double called primitive brain and animal brain). The books we read during the college entrance examination are actually a cognition, which is stored in our cerebral cortex. This is a unique part of human beings. It is different from animals, responsible for time concept, and responsible for reasoning logic. But this cognitive thing will be forgotten. The cerebellum is an animal in humans. This part has the ability to control us. For example, cycling is a bicycle. When you were a kid, I estimated to have learned at the age of 8 or 9. Maybe you have been driving recently for 10 years and 20 years. You have n’t rode a bicycle for a long time, but now you give you a bicycle. Yes, this is what you can't forget for a lifetime. This kind of forgetfulness is called ability, and we can forget about knowledge, so we read a book to learn knowledge. If reading is just reading, it is not helpful for our lives. However, I have practice in my book. If you can try and experience it as required, you can turn knowledge into ability so that you can change your marriage in this book. So, if you really want to change your intimacy, the best way is to practice according to the method in the book. As long as you are willing to take a step bravely, your relationship will definitely become better.

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