Why do I persuade you to be "selfish"?

The blogger "Beijing Love Story" interviewed a girl named "Li Nan". From the name, it can be seen that parents have hoped that she is a boy.

Li Nan was 27 years old, conflict with his family at the age of 20, and did not return home for 7 years.

As soon as she entered the house 7 years later, a five or six -year -old boy opened the door. She stunned on the spot and asked who it was. Her parents said that this was her brother.

What is even more unexpected is that the younger brother is sick, and the parents hope she can take out the money to see the doctor.

Li Nan couldn't accept it, and said, "I don't know him, why should I cure him?"

This was immediately accused by my mother: "Why are you so unconcerned? This is your brother, you don't want to care about it."

Later, Li Nan compromised a step. She agreed to get money, but asked her parents to borrow themselves.

Life is the most powerful screenwriter. There are always some plots, which are more imaginative than any TV series. Life is also the most powerful photographer who records everyone's experience clearly.

Maybe you have never met the parents who have given Li Nan like this, but you must have heard similar words:

"Don't help this little busy, why don't you have no conscience?"

"Just care for yourself to be comfortable, you are too selfish."

As if the other party's request is said, it becomes your obligation, making you unable to say the word "rejection" decisively.

What should we do when others create the so -called "obligation" and impose on us?

After experiencing hundreds of cases, the American Psychology David Sibiri proposed that defending self -self -self -selfishness is the key factor in gaining happiness.

In "The Truth of Selfishness", he reveals the truth of selfishness, takes you to learn selfish art, and lets you know how to say "no" when others make unreasonable requirements for your time, energy, and emotions.

David Sibiri ｜ Huaxia Publishing House

Some sacrifices will only bring harm

The selfish art is to know how to meet their needs, not let others take this matter.

The book talks about a Mrs. Fawell. When her child William was two or three years old, her husband died, and since then she has the mission of raising her child adult alone.

"I will never let William lack anything that should have because of her father." She said to herself.

For this promise, Mrs. Fawell worked crazy, and a person undertook all problems. William never felt the pain of losing his father. He had nothing to do.

Unfortunately, when William was a teenager, he grew into an indulgent boy and even violated the law.

When he stood in the court, the judge told Mrs. Faer: "When he is used to playing with himself, seeing you be a cow. How can you expect him to learn to adapt or understand discipline?"

Self -sacrifice such as Mrs. Wil often only opposes, leading to tragedy.

With selfless love, she deprives her children's opportunities to face problems, and also deprives him of the opportunity to learn growth. Her "selflessness" makes herself the culprit of her child's mistake.

The judge persuaded her: "When the sadness is shrouded in the entire family, what parents should do is not to play God and make themselves a dam that is isolated all floods. growing up."

The real selflessness is not allowed you to increase the burden on today because of the saint of yesterday.

Real selflessness does not allow us to enjoy various privileges under the psychology of self -satisfaction, and mistakenly call this kind of virtue.

It's not enough love alone

It is often said that good is good, but goodness will only be used, slavered and imprisoned by the world's lack of alert wisdom to protect and guide.

Better is a "good gentleman". He is neither greedy nor engraved. When people ask him, he will not complain.

He is enthusiastic about helping others. However, troubles are always coming one after another, and the principle of "good news" is completely unsuitable at all.

There are two levels of life problems: one is about love, and the other is about wisdom.

He can be a kind, generous, kind, well -behaved, coordinated, diligent and brave, but love is not enough. If there is no wisdom, it will be destined to cause more trouble.

For example, Bett lets the unimportant things scattered his attention, just because he was worried about what others would say, and he was afraid that others would feel too selfish;

He undertakes the emotions and feelings of others;

He thinks he should be perfect, so pretending to have the ability to solve all trouble ...

Love needs wisdom, requires calmly thinking, so as to make rational judgments and show reasonable behavior.

A wise person, when encountering a problem, thinks about the facts and models contained in this problem, deepen the internal and external reasons and influences, rather than act recklessly with the blood or love alone.

It is not necessarily "good" out of "good intentions". Sometimes it is because of good intentions that the more damage brings.

The happiness of a person is the trick of happy relationship happiness

Kate suffered an unmarried crisis. She and her husband Peter had two daughters, and their marriage went to boring and mediocre after a short honeymoon period.

Peter is not very mature, not only carelessly, but also lacks patience to treat children.

However, it is the loneliness in the marriage. "He complained about family expenses, but never arranged the budget. When I expressed the difficulties I encountered, he only thought I was complaining." When Kate talked to my friend, he talked to his friends. When, as a bystander, my friend saw the key at once: "In order to maintain the harmony of the entire family, you gave up everything that violated your husband's interest. You try to change yourself according to his expectations. You sacrificed you sacrificed. I am obsessed with music, my love for drama, and those friends with Wen Qing, you think it is selflessly to give up these for the family.

But what about the result? You became boring, and even Peter felt that you were boring. "

Kate discovered that in order to become a qualified wife, he gave up a person with flesh and blood.

If you are not happy yourself, how can you make your partner and your family happy?

The happiness of a person is the trick to get a successful close relationship.

Only when we refuse to suffer any grievances in marriage and at the same time wisely restricting ourselves cannot force our partners, this relationship can be successful.

In marriage, we should show the selfish art to the fullest. No matter how much we love our partners, it is impossible for us to focus on each other at all times.

Only those who know how to protect their charm and fun can bring happiness to their partners.

Any relationship is based on respect for themselves. Only by letting go of unnecessary sacrifice so that everyone can face their own problems, can they have a healthy growth;

Only by maintaining your charm and interest can you bring happiness and happiness to you and the people around you;

Only by learning to never compromise yourself or satisfy yourself can you win back your life dominance.

This is "the truth of selfishness": do yourself -no matter where.

Author | Covenant, write a good story of others, and live a good life.

Picture | Visual China, the Internet (if there is any infringement, please contact delete)

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