She was crazy for 15 years, and she was in love at the age of 70

Author | Miss Mu Source | Wu Zhihong ID | WZHXLX

In the long years, I miss the gentle and charming good grandma, and dislike the crazy grandma who splashed. Until one day, I woke up in the reincarnation of pain. Through the bright depression, I found this truth: I have not experienced a "black" life, it is not worth a survival.

Grandma "crazy"

My parents died early and grew up with grandparents since childhood.

In memory, grandma is a typical good wife and mother: safe and self -reliance, work hard, and never lose his temper.

Even if the family has a bad attitude towards her, she always laughs and never cares.

Because she is so good, so that:

We can vent in front of her; but often ignore her feelings unconsciously.

One day 15 years ago, because of a very small thing, she suddenly lost control.

In the morning, she told Grandpa that she wanted to drink fish head tofu soup at night and let grandpa buy it.

Grandpa agreed verbally.

But later, Grandpa played for chess too much and forgot time. In the afternoon, he went to the vegetable market, and the fish head had been sold.

Knowing this matter, the grandmother who was busy in the kitchen suddenly did not do it:

"Bang" dropped the spatula to the place, pulled off the apron and threw it aside, and fell out of the door without looking back.

"I can't stand it anymore! I want to go back to my mother's house!"

In the room, she packed her luggage angrily.

This situation has never happened. Grandpa was stunned and hurriedly called to ask his children for help.

The big uncle bought the fish head from the county seat, drove tens of kilometers to the grandma's house;

Aunt Qianli called from a foreign country and chatted with her grandmother for a whole night;

Grandpa was not idle, and hurriedly stewed the fish head soup and gave it to grandma.

In short, my grandmother became the darling of the whole family, which was different from her past position at home.

Maybe everyone was used to her good, and never saw her anxious.

Faced with her sudden emotional out of control, everyone would be very surprised and worried.

"Maybe it's just a temporary nerve, just coax."

Degenerate

However, after some toss, grandma did not return to the kindness of the past.

On the contrary, she began to intensify, often because of some trivial matter.

For example, she explained Grandpa to buy food in the morning, but Grandpa adds to chess again and forget her instructions.

For example, she chewed her ears and chewed with the woman in the town.

For example, she gave her grandson money and asked her grandson to buy snacks. The grandson did not take the money to buy snacks, but saved it down and gave it to her mother ...

All these families' intentional or unintentional little moves, when they see it in person, or hear the way, they will make grandma furious and loudly want to "return to the mother's house."

At the beginning, the family would also accommodate her, and apologized while paying apologies.

Later, I made a lot of trouble, and everyone began to get bored:

"Back to my maid's house, who will take care of you?" "We for you to eat for you, what else do you have to be dissatisfied?"

However, this persuasion did not let grandma converge.

Even if she was said too much, she pointed at her family's nose, yelled, scolding everyone without conscience, and forgetfulness.

After scolding, she will start crying, crying while crying:

From a young age, she was poor, and she couldn't eat and wore it. After marrying her grandpa, she was not treated by her mother -in -law, and she was scolded every day; she had to go up the mountain to pick up the water for the whole family, and even shelters .. ....

I was young, I couldn't understand my grandmother's sudden change.

But she rolled around and said every day, saying that this pile of old things, like a noisy bee buzzing in my ears, annoying me deeply.

At that time, I just wanted to escape from this home quickly.

Return to my mother's house

Later, I was admitted to college and left home.

I thought that I would be much easier to face my grandmother's crying every day.

However, if things go wrong, she will call me every three differences.

Sometimes, she will say angrily to me the people around her;

Sometimes she cries to me about her tragic life;

Sometimes, she will constantly emphasize the pain of her body ...

Every time I heard her chattering on the phone, I wanted to become an ostrich, buried my head in the sand, and isolate all the sounds of the outside world.

But when she raised me from a young age, she couldn't refute her, nor could she hang her phone. She could only bear it in this way, put the phone aside, and let her talk about it.

In the Spring Festival in the year of my senior year, I was in a graduation thesis at home and prepared for the postgraduate entrance examination.

Facing the grandma's fluttering, it became more impatient.

"You have to go back to your mother's house, then go back!"

Once, I couldn't bear it, and shouted this sentence at her.

Grandma was silent for a while, and silently walked out of my room.

She really returned to her mother's house.

When the uncle and I ran back to the station to find her back, she stood out and lay on the ground and cried:

"No one in the family cares about me, your grandpa does not have me in your heart, you do n’t care if you are young!"

At that moment, I couldn't help thinking:

Why did the kind and loved grandmother in the past suddenly become the grievances that everyone avoided now? I have a faint speculation:

Perhaps grandma didn't want to go back to her mother's house.

Her little topic, her unreasonable trouble, her storm, more like "self -blackening" to seek some kind of balance.

What is this balance?

I was unknown at the time.

Shameful

After graduating from college, I was admitted to civil servants.

After 2 years of work, I bought a house in Xiaocheng Town and talked to Mr. S about love.

Mr. S is a college teacher and has a good family.

From the perspective of others, I was a pair set up by heaven.

But somehow, whenever he talked in front of me, I always felt inexplicable inferiority and extremely uncomfortable.

At the same time, all kinds of voices began to sound in my mind:

"You can't match him." "You won't be happy when you get married." "You see how hard your grandma is ..."

Later, gradually, I became a parallel person around him, and rarely revealed the true feelings.

Even if some of his words and deeds make me uncomfortable, I will pass by, never care.

As a result, I became a good wife and mother who was absolutely gentle and pleasant in the eyes of Mr. S: not angry, not pretentious, full of tolerance.

Two years after love, I took Mr. S home.

On the dining table, everyone talked happily.

Grandma took a sip of chicken soup and spit it out immediately:

"Why do you have to put ginger? How many times have you said, eating ginger cream at night, do you want to poison my old lady?"

At that moment, the atmosphere of the entire table suddenly froze.

"Don't drink if you are afraid of death." Grandpa returned her with anger.

Suddenly, grandma's temper came up.

A "bang" fell the bowl to the ground, sitting on the ground with one butt, crying while crying, he pointed at Grandpa and scolded.

Seeing Mr. S next to S, with a disgusting expression, my whole person was full of embarrassment and shame full of shame--

I can't wait to find a seam to stuff my grandma in, and then I jump in.

Since then, I have been humble in front of Mr. S.

The life was not good. Coupled with this neurotic grandma, it was already very good if people broke up with me.

With my continuous accommodation, Mr. S finally proposed to me shortly after.

A year later, we have our own children.

In the process of nurturing children, a series of issues followed, and my relationship with Mr. S deteriorated.

I finally realized a little bit:

It is really difficult to be a humble person to be a good wife and mother.

Reincarnation

After her daughter was born, Mr. S asked for a full -time nanny.

I refused without thinking.

I think bringing children is my internal affairs, and there is no need to spend that injustice, even though we can afford it completely.

So Mr. S continued to work, and I was alone at home.

Due to postpartum depression, I am often in a weak state of mood.

While taking care of the baby waiting to be fed, buying food and cooking for housework, almost exhausted my strength.

But every night, I still support my spirit and prepare dinner for Mr. S.

Since childhood, he has not done housework and has not experienced my hard work. He has a lot of suspicions.

The floor was dirty, the child was crying, the rice was cooked, and the vegetables were cooked salty ... it was inevitable that he complained.

As if, I am a primary servant, not his wife who was sitting on a flat way.

One day, the child had a high fever to 40 degrees in the middle of the night. I dare not wake up Mr. S. I took a taxi to hold the child to the hospital, and the infusion was the medicine.

The next morning, the child finally had a fever.

I dragged my tired body and returned home, telling Mr. S to go to the vegetable market to buy a pigeon to stew.

Throughout the day, while I endured the fatigue of my body, I carefully took care of the sick baby, for fear of a trace of negligence.

However, at night, when I was hungry, I saw Mr. S returned with both hands: "Wife, have you done dinner?"

He completely forgot my instructions in the morning.

At that moment, I suddenly realized:

For a long time, he is like a young master, he is high, sitting and enjoying his success, never understanding my sadness and weakness.

In his world, my efforts are taken for granted, and my needs are not seen.

For a moment, I was filled with a strong sense of value and meaninglessness, drowning the value of my whole person.

I walked into the room quickly, while putting down the sleeping baby, I packed my luggage in anger:

"I can't stand it anymore! I want to go back to my mother's house!"

When I screamed this sentence exhausted, I shuddered involuntarily.

As if this sentence is not a self -eloquence, but from another familiar and unfamiliar person.

After the roar, I started squatting on the ground and sobbing painfully.

Embrace

At that moment, I remembered my grandma.

In the long years, she always looked kindly kind -hearted, and never saw her anxious.

I wonder if her emotions suddenly shouted "I want to go back to my mother's house", did she also experience that I am so desperate now?

Or is it more desperate than me now?

At least, I got a good care during pregnancy, and gave birth to a healthy daughter;

Grandma, worked hard in her life, worked hard, but was forced to work hard and miscarriage during pregnancy ... At that time, she should be more painful than me now?

But like me, because of the lack of inner heart and humbleness, she deeply suppressed these negative emotions.

Thinking of this, I couldn't help crying.

The child was awakened, and he cried loudly.

Mr. S was standing aside, his face was stunned, and he was at a loss.

I don't want to repeat the fate of grandma.

I decided to talk to Mr. S.

After coaxing the child to sleep, I dragged Mr. S to the living room.

From the humbleness when I met him, I talked about my current forbearance;

From the kindness of grandma's past, talk about grandma's current splash;

From my feelings of my grandmother's experience now, to talk about our children's current and future ...

I cried, and Mr. S cried too.

reconciliation

One communication does not completely solve the crux of contradictions.

Mr. S's inherent sense of superiority is not for a while; my humble and forbearing in the relationship is not overnight.

He will still ignore my existence and feelings unconsciously, and to be angry with me;

I still get out of control from time to time, like a child, sitting on the ground and splashing.

Fortunately, at the rational level, we all want to seek a better way to get along and become a more competent parents.

Because of this, we walked into the marriage consultation together.

During the consultation process, we gradually realized where our symptoms were:

Because my parents died prematurely, I always survived with a deep sense of abandonment and unwillingness to please everyone around me.

And Mr. S, because he is the only child in the family, he is accustomed to his extraordinary gesture since he was a child, he was intelligent, excellent, and capable.

To some extent, my humble set off his excellence, and his excellence compensated my scarce.

For this reason, we attract each other; for this reason, we have promoted our own crux and form damage in intimate relationships.

With the encouragement of the consultant, I gradually learned to face my emotions, actively communicate, and frank my fragility in the relationship.

Whenever I get out of control, Mr. S also tried to let go of a high attitude of high, and learn to listen and understand my feelings.

Two times and three times ...

One year, two years ...

With 4 years of joint efforts, our communication has finally become smoother, and our relationship has finally become refreshing.

understand

At the same time, in the process, I also slowly understood my grandma.

She was born in a poor family in the 1940s, and was married to her grandfather's house for a gift at a young age.

In the face of this arrangement, she had no right to speak, she could only obey silently.

After marrying Grandpa, she was poor, no matter how hard she sacrificed and paid, she was still looking down on by her mother -in -law and aunt.

Over the past few decades, she has adhered to the idea of ​​harmony and swallowed her grievances into her belly.

Because I have been forbearing, never showing emotions, everyone thinks that she has a good temperament and does not love to count.

But in fact, she did not have no tears, but did not understand tears or dare not shed tears.

When she kept stinging because of some small things, she was noisy to go back to her mother's house, not because she deliberately "made", nor because she was nervous, but because she wanted to yell at everyone in this way:

I exist, I have a need, I need to be seen!

We have ignored her for a long time, and we have owed her too much.

cherish

During May 1st this year, I called my grandmother.

As always, she chatted with me endlessly.

This time, I no longer hung up her call, no longer threw the phone to the side and let her talk about it, and no longer felt that she was an unreasonable neurotic disease.

I listened quietly, listening to her about her past, and talking about her grievances.

From the old and hoarse voice of my grandmother, I heard loneliness for the first time, and the thirst for love and love.

"Grandma, I will go home to see you on the day of Mother's Day." "Well, let Grandpa kill you chicken."

On Mother's Day, I took my child back to my hometown.

Grandpa worked alone in front of the kitchen.

Me: What about grandma? Grandpa: She, I asked me to kill the chicken early in the morning. I said that when you came, I was unwilling, and she was not happy to go back to her mother's house again. Me: Is she really gone? Grandpa: No, but the luggage has been cleaned up, saying that it is waiting for you to come back and see you. Me: Grandpa, are you stewing chicken soup tonight? Grandpa: Of course you have to let it go. Me: Grandpa, listen to me, don't put it. Grandpa: Why? Me: You will know at that time. Grandpa: Okay, listen to you.

That night's chicken soup, Grandpa did not put ginger, drinking a little fishy smell.

But grandma drank extraordinarily:

"Look, the chicken soup that does not put ginger is delicious, and it is healthy."

After dinner, she returned to the room alone, silently took out her luggage, and never mentioned her family.

When I was sleeping at night, my grandmother suddenly appeared:

"The chicken soup is still some ginger, otherwise it is too fishy, ​​I am a little nauseous now."

"Okay, listen to you." I was echoed happily.

In fact, it is not the problem of chicken soup without ginger.

What she really needs is actually the feeling of being seen, cared, and valued.

Since then, in the face of grandma's unreasonable trouble and splashing, Grandpa has learned well. Do not criticize, do not refute, do everything.

Whenever this time, grandma raised an eyebrow unconsciously:

"Huh! The tiger is not prestigious, you should be a sick cat."

"I dare! You are the baby of our whole family." Grandpa responded in response.

"It's so old to be a baby, it's not shameful!" Grandma pretended to twist her head angrily, as if smiling.

When the demand is constantly being seen and the emotions are continuously caught, the grandma has become more and more confident, and she will no longer go back to her mother's house.

Blackening

I wrote here, and I suddenly remembered a sentence of Teacher Huang Yuling:

One of the opportunities of a person's "blackening" occurs when you suffer huge pain. When you are not like a person, you have to stand up or resist.

The "blackening" mentioned here does not mean a good person from good to cruel, from simplicity to deep, and eventually evolved into a dark personality.

Instead, it refers to:

Under the persuasion and education of the outside world, he never dares to be his own good man who has done his own old man. Through a fierce or even extreme way to complete the transformation and live a process of self.

The process of blackening is long and bitter.

May experience many times, will take a lot of detours, and even suffer violent emotional fluctuations.

Just like me, I have been sincere in the close relationship, constantly suppressing myself, and turning around each other, for fear that the other party will leave myself as soon as I am unhappy.

Until 3-4 years of marriage consultation, it continued to collide in the relationship, injured in collisions, and grown in the province in the province.

Just like my grandma, I have been bowing in the family, constantly hiding my emotions, and constantly forcing myself to be a good daughter -in -law, good wife, and good mother.

Until 15 years of blackening, regardless of the persuasion and discussion of the people around him, he boldly returned to the children, splashed, and stunned, and worked hard to live himself.

These processes are full of hardships, but the end is charming.

Fortunately, after the blackened me, I got a better intimate relationship; fortunately, the grandmother after the blackened life became her own.

Author | Miss Mu; Editor: Chen Shen Shen. Picture source: movie "Deeper than the Sea". At present, the Wu Zhihong Psychological Consulting Center was opened in 10 cities in Nanjing, Chengdu, Chengdu, and Chengdu, Guangzhou, Guangzhou, Guangzhou.

Picture | Derived from the Internet. If you have any infringement, please contact and delete it.

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