Psychological chat | Are you "self -defense" or "social fear"

Figure | Visual China

Recently, in the comedy variety show "One Annual Comedy Comedy", a work called "Good Girlfriend" poked many people. When the two people were blindly dates, what did the woman think not directly, but spoke dramatic borrowed puppet mouth. It seemed that a person was split into two mentality. Just say myself? During the interview, Zhang Yan, a national second -level psychological counselor, global career planner, and marriage and family consultant, told reporters that this situation is called "self -defense" in psychology. A cognition is related to avoid damage to yourself, but if this cognition is a solution to reality, it may hinder the development of relations.

Even if I have been hurt, I still believe in love and be brave to love

"Good Girlfriends", the sketching comedy work impressed many people. In an interview, the main creator also mentioned that some girls will have a very intimate doll since childhood, saying a lot of words to it to get comfort. This creation is to talk about some things that I can't say, so I take a doll to help myself speak, just like a shield. This dilemma is a little bit of the projection of personality. Even if others bully you, you will say it is okay. It is always concession and compromise, but in fact, you are uncomfortable. Who doesn't want to have a "girlfriend" who speaks for himself? When I really want to be aggrieved, someone stands out for myself.

Zhang Yan mentioned that there was a detail in the sketch. When the female lead was kissed, because she had encountered a twin scum male injury in the emotional world, when encountering the same twins in the sketch, I felt insecure. Earth self -protection mode starts, and psychological is called "self -defense". It is more common in interpersonal communication. It is often related to the cognition formed by past experience to avoid the purpose of being harmed. However The solution of reality may hinder the development of relations.

We also noticed that the hostess cleverly invited a girlfriend symbolizing the real self -the puppets participated in the interaction between the two, helping themselves express their feelings and voices, and resonated with a strong resonance. In this process, it can be seen that although the girl is afraid of intimacy, she also has new expectations. Zhang Yan said that this is great. Even if it is hurt, he can still believe in love and be brave to love. What a brave choice.

At first, the heroine used a doll to speak her inner words. For example, the boy was late, the girl said that it was okay, but the doll said, "The boy who is late for the first time is very garbage." After chatting the constellation, the doll directly said that the girl was worried about the other person in the heart of the girl's heart. It was the doubt of the scum man. He also sent it home to test the boys at night and buckled the scumbag hat for the other party. At this time, the male lead took the wrap to the toilet. The same, escape, right? Zhang Yan analyzed that it can be seen that after the boy's dual personality was left, the female lead blamed himself. Fortunately, the boy did not give up, and wissed the use of another puppet (representing the boy's true self), and expressed his likes and acceptance to the girl's girlfriends. Finally, the men and women were unloaded and became a good friend of real communication. When the girl was going to take out the third puppet again, the boy decisively helped her refuse to communicate through the puppet, choose a direct conversation to express her true self.

Don't talk about "self -defense" with "social fear"

Some people lament that this comedy sketch is "a record of contemporary community (social fear) blind date!"

At present, everyone seems to be accustomed to talking about the fear of the society, and often label themselves on the fear of social terror. But Zhang Yan is more inclined to attribute girls to "self -defense", not social phobia. "Because social phobia is a mental diagnosis term, defense will be easier to be accepted. In the show, after the comedy work is performed, as the judge, Yu Hewei mentioned that this girl is a bit scared? But in this work, in this work It is not obvious. In fact, social fear is aimed at specific groups. For example, when facing the opposite sex social, there will be fear and anxiety, and even some physiological symptoms. It is said that some trauma people may also have uncomfortable social society in love and heterosexuality. This defense is a kind of instinctive self -protection, which is related to his previous experience. "Zhang Yan told reporters that he should not expand the concept of the community. Sometimes, interpretation is more constructive from the perspective of self -defense, instead of directly label it to social fear. In this way, there is a little generalization of interpersonal relationships, after all, the scope of social fear is too wide.

Zhang Yan believes that the word "social fear" is not added to this girl, mainly "I think this girl has not yet reached the level of definition of the symptoms of social fear, and it will occur in this level. Talk to others, and she is just when I dare to say what we think in our hearts, so we generally do not post labels, and many people will have themselves. It is more appropriate to use this word. "

For young people who want to have a healthy social relationship, a little suggestion >>

This sketch reflects the real problems of young people in real life. How should such similar young people adjust their cognition, promote growth, and have a healthy and intimate relationship? Zhang Yan also gives suggestions:

Being hurt does not mean that others have really hurt you.

Imagine that when both men and women began to attract each other, they must be very sweet. When the passionate period retreats, when the other party needs to be re -examined, there are many shortcomings in each other. If you cannot develop a friend -like acceptance at this time, the relationship between the two parties will be easily exhausted because he cannot afford high expectations. "You hurt me!" This sentence seemed to put himself in the role of the victim. In fact, the victims are often the victims. Because we have the need for love, but there is no appropriate expression "I need". When you look forward to the failure, your psychology will lose balance, eventually lose, despair, and give up, and then naturally blame the other person on the other party. If you can express self -feelings and needs in a period of relationship, and learn the way you have sincerely communicated, it is to help self -growth.

Establish a sense of self -security and learn to satisfy yourself.

I was very good at all, and I will be better in the future. A healthy intimacy is based on self -satisfaction and security, and has the boundary of self. It is not that kind of gravity of your life on the other party, because no one can bear the weight of another life. So be a person who is independent and self -confident, and still loves people who are not lost in love.

Communicate sincerely and promote intimacy.

It is undeniable that the development of a long -term intimate relationship is difficult for some people. Sincerely communicating and understanding is an important foundation for intimacy. Passion, friendship, and commitment are the three elements of love. Passion is easy to retreat. Friendship needs to be operated. Finally, you can choose to promise to express. Therefore, the lack of intimacy is to feel the ability to be loved and love others. Use good friends to get along with each other, understand each other, respect each other, support each other, and support each other. In intimate relationships, it can promote to be better, which is a gift that healthy relationships bring to us.

Yangtze Evening News/Zi Niu Journalist Zhang Nan

Edit: Qin Xiaoyi

- END -