Parents' psychological problems will be passed down from generation to generation. If you want to raise your child, I hope you understand 3 o'clock

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There is a saying called "Poor Parents in the World". Parents hope that their children can become dragons and phoenixes, and they have paid all kinds of energy for their children, and even on the premise of sacrificing themselves, but the results seem to be unsatisfactory.

Many parents are puzzled, why they do their best to make their children farther away from themselves.

Just like Qiao Yingzi in "Little Happy", in order to escape his mother and save the sea, the mother shouted in a heartbreaking manner: everything I do is for you!

In fact, whether it is a parent -child relationship, a husband and wife relationship, or a parental relationship, each other has always been intertwined with each other, and there is no relationship that has been separated alone. The various interpersonal relationships we encounter in society are our native family. The small native family is a ring: parents are naturally the protagonist, children are supporting roles, and the descendants' personality is closely linked to the mode of getting along with their parents.

"Intergenerational inheritance" refers to: parents deliberately (or inadvertently) pass their behavior and way of thinking to their children, so that the child shows similar behaviors or ways of thinking to parents in some cases.

We all understand that a sentence is called "the native family affects the child's life", but this statement is not accurate. What really affects the child is not just the native family, but the entire family contains the transmission of the native family. This transmission includes both the front It also includes negative.

In other words, the "bad" status quo of your child must not only analyze the mode of getting along with your partner, but also analyze the model you get along with your parents, and your partner and his parents.

Even the emotional attachment model of you and your parents must be analyzed.

It sounds complicated, but if you want to clear any problems, you must solve it from the source.

The so -called logging does not have its own foundation and must be reunited; the water is not from its source, and it will recurring; If the psychological problem is not solved, it will be passed down from generation to generation, and continue to let your offspring take on the pain you have not solved. This is the same as the three generations.

Below we will help you effectively self -awareness from three simple perspectives, and use unknown language to help you "stop loss" in your child.

1. Our internal shooting of our parents

There is a word in psychology called the injecting identity. Internal identification refers to a person who imitates a certain quality of the other body as his own. The object of learning (brave, decisive).

After long -term learning, after imitation, the individual will internalize these quality of imitation objects into their own quality. These quality gradually become our three views and stable attitudes of treating people.

I believe that everyone can understand that the most common is our relationship with our parents. After the internal shooting identity, they have formed an internal relationship model in psychology. This internal relationship model is in the relationship with our parents. Whether the relationship between parents is good or not, we can't help but "learn to use" For example, interaction with partners, educating children's ways, performance in the workplace ...

With Mr. Wu Zhihong's Hua said: This relationship can be projected into any paragraph, causing us to continue to repeatedly build similar relationships. So you will find that you always find similar partners.

If you are not aware of your "internal relationship mode", it is likely to struggle in the middle and fall into the relationship again and again.

2. The "identity" and "anti -identity" of my partner and I

For example, Ms. A hated the severe violent father, so she chose her husband who was completely opposite to her father. He loved herself, and Ms. A also hated the mother who was inaction at the beginning, so she became a "woman. Strong people "rigidity with control.

Ms. A reversed the relationship with her parents. This is called anti -recognition.

And identifying a certain degree of "cowardly" fate, because of identification, intergenerational heritage forced to repeat the most sad relationship model, but the careful people have found that both have actually moved to two extremes. They are all unhealthy.

Ms. A and her husband who loved her also had a bad relationship. She trained her husband into "licking dogs" and had a bottom line to be good to her. This approach was actually "retaliated with men"-retaliated with her father.

Regardless of identity or anti -recognition, these negative effects will not disappear, and will only continue to affect the next generation.

Third, our projection of children

Projective identity is different from internal camera identity. Internal camera is internal. Xiangshu is to absorb things in the outside world of "parents" into "I". The projection is outward. It is to project things in "I" to the external world.

In popular words, I project my favorite and dislikes on the child. I also think that the child likes or does not like it (although the fact is not the case). For example I can't "shape" my partner according to the quality of internal camera. I can't change the other party and hate each other. Then I let the children "hate" each other. Many mothers like to say bad things about their father in front of their children. Children should be used as a tool for continuing projection, "retaliated with men" or "jealous of women" or "head" for themselves

Projecting is the easiest to cast "bad", because our inner mind can handle "good" and cannot handle "bad", so we must project this "bad" anxiety and let others share it for us. From your parents to you, to your partner and your child, these relationships are buckled in one ring. Exactly the same.

How many parents are anxious? What to do, how to teach children and save marriage, then you may really seek the help of professionals in time. At the same time, only with awareness, constantly self -adjustment, finding problems, and solving problems can truly effectively solve you and The problem of your child can also ease your relationship with your partner

Throughout our lives, we are working hard to be a free and complete person.

-The End -Author | Edit of Tommy | The first psychological main component of the first psychological group | A group of young people who like to look up at the starry sky: Bruk, A., SCHOLL, S. G., & Bless, H. (2018). Self -Oteher Differencess in Evaluation of Showing Vulnerability. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 115 (2), 192-205

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