A married man reads himself: For 14 years, how did I gradually not love my wife ...

Recently, in the background message, I saw a letter from a male reader.

The following is the full text of the letter:

I am divorced, I have no betrayal, but I no longer love her ...

The 14 -year marriage has come to this day, and I am also very sad. Let me talk about our experience.

She and I are junior high school classmates. When she was in school, she was the goddess in my heart. At that time, she was sunny, positive, and beautiful, and she chased it for a long time.

In 2008, we joined hands to enter the marriage hall, and the wedding life was very sweet.

We all have our own job:

When working at work, fight for their own future; after get off work, enjoy the ordinary firework life.

Five years later, we ushered in the lovely daughter in joy. I did not expect that the contradiction was approaching step by step.

After giving birth to a child, she gradually started not to repair, and I could understand it, but I just felt far away from the "goddess".

Later, she felt that it was too hard to take care of the child and go to work, and my salary was enough to support the life of the family. If she wanted to resign, I rely on her.

In the past two years, things have begun to turn.

The company's business was blocked, and my salary began to decrease.

In the career crisis, in the face of the daily family expenses that only increase, I feel stressful, so I hope she can find a job.

But she couldn't adapt to workplace life at all. She was either tired or she was suspected of less salary and found a few jobs one after another, but she resigned soon after doing it.

It's really distressed, she is completely a way to give up.

Since then, we have been fighting for chai oil and salt.

Later, except for things related to children, I had almost no exchanges with her.

As the pillar of the family, parents need to support it, and the family needs to take care of ...

In the face of reality, I really can't do the same as when I was young.

After all, I couldn't change the reality after all, and I chose to divorce.

After reading the letter, my heart was tumbling.

In life, many women are willing to sacrifice themselves, aggrieved themselves, and even give up self -management and self -growth for their children and families.

But there are countless cruel facts tell us:

If a woman abandon her self -growth for the family and excessive dependence on marriage, personal value will continue to lose, and even reach an irreparable point.

Especially the following things, if they are gradually lost in marriage, it will be difficult to be "respected."

1. The image of the decent

Remember what you look like before marriage?

Every time you go out for a date, you are carefully dressed and present the most beautiful side.

But after getting married, you relax your requirements for yourself.

Especially after giving birth to a child, you use all your energy on your child, let alone dress yourself, and no longer manage your body.

You also ridiculed that for 3 years, he saw that he changed from a "girl" from only a hundred weighed to a "aunt" with a big belly.

It's just that you firmly believe that your husband still loves you, because you have become this home for this family.

Until one time, you learned that your husband's company had a annual meeting, and other colleagues brought your wife, and your husband did not tell you at all.

You only know that there is no decent outside, and it will really be "disliked", even if this person is your husband.

2. The ability to make money

When we were young, we all moved the phrase "I support you" in the movie "The King of Comedy".

Fortunately, you also met such a love.

After getting married, in order to better take care of the family and be a full -time wife, all the expenses in the family depends on the income of the husband.

Some people advise you to have a job, even if there are not many salary.

But you said, isn't it enough to make money to make money?

Until one day, when you see a news, you finally have a sense of crisis.

A full -time mother and her husband conflicted and wanted to divorce.

The husband promised to give her the house, but she did not work, and a mortgage of 5,000 yuan a month was gone.

I have to admit that a woman who has no ability to make money can not feed themselves at all.

Women who are not independent in the economy have no confidence in their feelings.

3. Your own life

How long have you not gone out to go shopping, and how long have you not attended a girlfriend party?

You used to have your own circle of friends.

Now, you have given up your social and favorite things for your family.

You say that you are willing, as a woman, and pay for this family.

You are a little hesitant to see Zhang Zhizhi in the TV series "Dear yourself".

Zhang Zhizhi worked busy every day, and returned home to get all the housework.

Washing, cooking, cleaning the house, picking up the child ... and the husband is like an outsider at home.

The most chilling thing is that Zhang Zhizhi's efforts were not grateful to the husband, but waited for the news of the husband's derailment.

At that moment, are you thinking about:

Do you want to change the lifestyle and leave some time for yourself?

4. Personal dignity

You see someone asking for help online: "Do you have no status and dignity in marriage?"

The other party's story makes you feel contemplative.

This netizen was a tour guide before marriage. She liked her job very much, and it was her sense of accomplishment.

But after having a child, her husband wanted her to be a full -time mother at home, and she compromised.

Every time she eats outside, she ordered her husband and children to eat;

She was willing to buy clothes for her husband and children, but she was particularly embarrassed to herself.

Once, she really wanted to buy a set of cosmetics for herself. Unexpectedly, her husband didn't talk about it, and only said: "Isn't your daughter enough?"

Only you understand that in marriage, it is not necessarily the same love in the end to compromise and let go of dignity in order to love and let go of dignity.

Eva wrote in the book "Love yourself, who is married to who is the same":

"Your happiness is in your own hands, please extend your tentacles to your world."

The mountains will fall, and everyone will run by everyone.

The more women who love themselves and live for themselves, the easier it is to have a partner and a happy marriage.

If you want to change the status quo, you may start from the following points, learn to appreciate yourself, and harvest high -quality marriage.

1. Keep elasticity and establish a stable inner order

Most women in marriage have a lot of anxiety:

How to balance the workplace and life, how to deal with the problem of mother -in -law and mother -in -law, children to school ...

And a strong woman can maintain the kernel stability, and has the courage to face external changes and challenges.

Gu Jia in the TV series "Thirty" can be resolved rationally no matter what happened:

The child was bullied by others.

In order to help her husband pull business, she finds a way to enter the rich wife circle;

Emotional episodes have appeared, and they are still freely handled ...

She always maintains a stable inner order, so that external changes cannot have a huge impact on herself, and her life is orderly.

Such a woman lives confident and self -consistent, and her life is firmly in their own hands.

2. Reasonably arrange work and life, and have a sense of continuous growth

Su Cen once wrote:

"Woman, don't build your own happiness on others."

Keeping independence and growth, reasonable arrangement of work and life, and not losing money to make money can you have the confidence of life.

In the TV series "Our Marriage", Shen Commerid has been a full -time mother for 6 years.

Even if her husband opposes it, she is struggling to return to the workplace.

Although it is difficult, she still finds a way to take care of the family and work, and it is getting better in the workplace.

With this persistence, she successfully completed a lot of projects and made her husband look at each other.

Marriage is like climbing, and the two people step by step and support each other to reach the peak.

While smart women know how to take care of the whole family, they do not forget their own appreciation and grow themselves.

3. Full of self -confidence, constantly break through in smooth stability

Sophie Masso said:

"The saddest thing for a woman is not the old age, but the loss of herself in the peaceful life of marriage."

A self -confident woman will not be afraid of age and identity, but always maintains a love of life and fulfills themselves.

In the documentary "Seven Years of Life", Susan divorced at the age of 35. He took two children, had no academic qualifications, and no job.

However, she is confident and optimistic. Starting from the general administrative staff of the university, it took 20 years to achieve the executive supervisor.

Indeed, after getting married, the identity of his wife and mother will disrupt the original rhythm of many women.

But you can also cultivate some small hobbies in addition to life, such as reading, fitness, making food, enriching and improving yourself.

When you look long in the long run, you will definitely harvest the life you want.

There is a "Vanbaln effect" in psychology:

You are flattering to your partner, pay everything, but will not be cherished;

When you are independent, conservative, and yourself, the other party will chase you and be good to you.

Therefore, women do not blindly tolerate and compromise for the family, and don't sacrifice their freedom and happiness too much.

When you know how to live for yourself and feel confident and calm from the bottom of your heart, you will exude greater charm.

I hope that every woman who enters the marriage can have self, confidence in her chest, half of the fireworks to make a living, half of poetic love, get a good heart, and live a happy marriage.

Author: Tian Xin, the original author of the book. This article is authorized to reprint from WeChat public account: You (ID: YOUSHUCC), so that reading is no longer alone. 20 million reading enthusiasts are paying attention to the public account.

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