"Love Traps" -Dight for love for love, is it you?

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Love is sweet, but many people are trapped by love. Even when the relationship fails, finding death and life, which seriously affects normal life. We often call the people who are excessively engaged in love as "love brain". You may be curious -from the perspective of psychology, is "love brain" a normal phenomenon? Why is it so painful to break up? And, will the failure of frequent love affair bring people irreversible effects? In this article, we will talk to you about the little thing "love".

Maybe ... everyone is "love brain"

When we "below", remembering our many performances in love, I always felt that I was a little "love" at the time, and I regret it because of my original "stupid" behavior. In fact, the "dementia" in love is also based on brain science.

In April 2021, a study of researchers at the Institute of Scripps in the United States in "Nature" started from the concept of "forgetting" and provided understanding of the phenomenon of "love dementia" from the perspective of biochemistry. Forgotten is divided into permanent and temporary, which can help the brain management memory (because there are too many memory). In this study, the researchers discovered that the neurological mechanism would cause people in love to have a brief forgotten. This is because in the brain, there is a short -term forgetful memory suppression in the brain, and the activation of the dopamine neuron may cause temporary forgetting of some memory. In love, we will secrete dopamine in large quantities, and some memories are briefly suppressed, making some original common sense judgments blur and rational. This provides understanding for the "decline in intelligence" in love.

However, these common sense memories did not disappear, but they could not be retrieved in a short time. Over time, when they can be retrieved again, this part of the memory that is briefly suppressed will recover clearly. When we decreased in dopamine secretion and "below" in love, rationality will recover with the restoration of memory. From this point of view, love makes people blind is a real psychological phenomenon, and "love brain" is a "love trap" that everyone is inevitable.

Love is not only sad, but also hurts the brain

In addition to "short -term dementia", another emotional fluctuation that love brings us may come from the breakup. We often say that breaking up will be sad, but from psychological studies, the most injured of love in love is not the heart, but the brain.

In the 2011 study of the Fitzgerald Laboratory of the University of London, the brain neuros scientist found through brain scanning that people who were excited when they were addicted to love and were consistent with the excitement when they were inhaled. When it was dating, just like just taking drugs, the reward nerve of the brain was opened, and the happy hormone dopamine was repeatedly released, which promoted us to stick to our lover every day, which is what we call addiction. But after breaking up, the brain still wants to get dopamine rewards, but the actual conditions are no longer allowed. This is like the addicted gentleman without drugs. The brain nerves will inspire you to do all kinds of stupid things, such as desperately calling for the predecessor, such as Buy a bar drunk, and even find one night stand. And after breaking up, the system in the brain is also activated, which can affect the heart, digestion and immune system, and the feeling of heart pain. It can be seen that because of love and death, the brain is really "damage". It is a normal response. It will gradually recover over time, so you don't have to be too anxious.

However, if the failed emotional experience makes you afraid of intimacy, then you need to be vigilant -you may have been caught in "attachment damage". The concept of "Attachment Injury" comes from the clinical practice of marriage and family consultation by researchers such as Johnson in 20001. In intimate relationships, when one party is destroyed, violated or fails to meet the "expectations" in the relationship, it will Causes emotional or psychological trauma to the other party, at this time "attachment damage" appears.

The impact and injury caused by the attachment damage to people is not like the wounds of the naked eye "visible" wounds, so the unsolved knot continues to affect people’s intimate relationships unknowingly. Even after the original relationship ended, it continued to affect the subsequent relationships. For example, the failure experience in love will threaten our cognition and views on ourselves. It makes people doubt that they have the ability to make accurate judgments to the world and others? Even began to deny the value of self, thinking that it may be because you are not good enough to be cherished.

It can be said that in many cases, even in a new relationship, even if the other party has not made any deception, we still continue to trust the other party. In the final analysis, we actually lose trust in ourselves. In the end, these cognitive changes not only made us no longer trust the relationship and the other party, but also made us no longer believe in ourselves. As a result, we unknowingly bring the unrefined past -these painful feelings and distorted cognitions, in response to the past, face people and things in the present situation.

Good love requires "moderate indifference"

In fact, good love requires "moderate indifference". If you are tired of the emotional fluctuations brought by love, you may wish to try "moderately pulling away" and moderate, which means that when emotional, you can briefly break out from emotions and generate an observation of yourself. Self). In this process, we do not bring any judgment and position, observe our behavior and emotions, and observe everything that happens when interacting with the other party. In emotions, we devoted and immersed in it because of warm love, but it is also easy to attach to our goals and ideas, resulting in blind spots on both sides' desires and needs for each other. If you can observe your feelings as a "outsider", and properly pull out from the immersion state, it will not be affected by prejudice caused by emotions, but it will give more room for exploration and growth. references

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Content comes from: Chinese Psychological Society Psychology Popularization Working Committee

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