The words "emotional value" can see me allergic

Source: New lifestyle Research Institute (ID: neweeklyLifestyle)

The word "emotional value" has been hot recently. In various emotional tutorials, emotional value is considered a very important value in love relationships. People who are good at providing emotional value are attractive, which can make heterosexual desires and addicted to this.

"China Women's Daily" also said that in intimate relationships, whether a person can provide emotional value for a partner can largely determine the success or failure of emotion.

In the utilitarian social science, there is a default value, that is, those who know how to provide emotional value, which is equivalent to leveraging more love and value in intimacy. Whether a person can provide emotional value for the partner, that is, whether the emotional return the partner perceives is greater than the emotional cost, it can largely determine the success or failure of a relationship.

However, what is the "emotional value" taught by these so -called emotional masters?

When a person always makes others awkward, angry and embarrassed, the person's emotional value is very low. | Pixabay

The word "emotional value" originally originally originated from "customer perception value" in the field of economics and marketing -to measure the emotional income and cost of customers in consumption. Jeffrey J. Bailey, a professor at the University of Edaria University of the United States, proced on the perspective of marketing between customers and enterprises. The income is a positive emotional experience of customers, and emotional costs are negative emotional experiences.

Later, psychologists introduced them into the research category. To put it simply, the standard of emotional value is: when a person can bring comfortable, pleasant and stable emotions to others, this person's emotional value is very high; when a person always makes others awkward, angry and embarrassing embarrassment when a person always allows others The emotional value of this person is very low.

After the epidemic, the emotional learning needs of love have increased, and the emotional courses on the order and marriage have increased for three consecutive years. | Pixabay

In May of this year, Tencent Class released the "520 Love Learning Big Data Report (2019-2022)". The report insights the trend of changes in the four major marriage and love concepts and emotional needs in the society: the demand for emotional learning after the epidemic is increasing, and the emotional courses on the separation and marriage have grown for three consecutive years; men are still the main learning force of love and ordering courses for lessons. Military, women's learning ratio is also increasing year by year. The number of people who love and goes off account for 49%.

Yu Min, an emotional repair division, said: "In the emotional consultation experience I have done, the most sense of pouring is to understand the significant role of emotional value. Increasing emotional value is far more important than material effort, maintaining its own own, and maintaining its own own. Independence, let the other party feel that although you have each other, you are independent individuals. You can deeply exchange each other's mood and not feel the pressure. This is the meaning of emotional value. "

The subject of "intimate relationship" has also begun to develop industrialization. Emotional masters on the Internet impart to members and students how to provide emotional value to members and students through knowledge.

On this assembly line of emotional communication training, the consultation and training links are disassembled like parts, and everything has a process -based standard. First, it will tell you to understand yourself; second, it can classify, judge, and solve it according to the solution process of each emotional problem. The consultant only needs to record the standard process into a video or voice in the computer, and it is necessary to match the courseware.

Chen Xiao, an emotional blogger born in 1990, is a professional emotional consultant who has nearly 4 million fans on social networks. In his introduction, "good at love guidance, marriage restoration, marriage recovery, personal enhancement, extramarital affairs treatment, etc.".

If you want to read his article, you must first become a "true love fan" -the "fans benefits" such as reading 10 paid content and 3 paid questions and answers for free to pay 90 yuan/year.

These articles that need to pay are also very "solving". For example, "Do men really need emotional value? How to provide emotional value to men? "How do girls improve their" sense of value "in emotion? "What to do with love brain? How to overcome the love brain? "Wait. This type of title has firmly grasped people's curiosity about fast learning emotional cheats.

There are also some courses called "Communication and Training Camp", which are priced at 999 yuan to thousands of yuan. They claim that "can effectively improve social fear, quickly accumulate human love, subtly improve emotional intelligence, greatly reduce the spirit of interpersonal relationships due to interpersonal relationships Internal consumption issues have further become a socialist who is good at chatting, flattering, and knowing the world. "

As long as the online payment is registered, the trainees will be divided into different WeChat class groups for group discussions, and are equipped with exclusive supervision and big coffee answers. The content of the curriculum is the specific level of the speech, as well as the details such as cute emoticons, and multi -language assistance in chat.

Some emotional communication supervisors claim that they can improve their interpersonal relationships in the workplace by providing emotional value, such as "let you introduce yourself when you introduce yourself in formal occasions", "How to open the topic and talk to avoid cold fields."

Under these overwhelming marketing packaging, the emotional value is simply a lot of money, which can be applied not only in the sexual relations, but also in the workplace. It seems that as long as it is learned, it is not disadvantaged.

To provide emotional value, the most basic thing is to participate in emotion. | Pixabay

It is undeniable that providing emotional value is a kind of ability, and not everyone has it. However, if you emphasize the all -purpose of technology too much and ignore the original intention of providing emotional value, it is a bit too late.

To provide emotional value, the most basic thing is to participate in emotion. Smooth words are speaking, only to make people feel full of routines instead of emotions, it will be counterproductive and uncomfortable.

NY is a post -90s entrepreneurial woman. Once, colleagues complained that the customer had no patience to communicate. Each time he said a few more words, the other party would say, "Well, okay, I'm busy." She didn't know where to do wrong, so she asked NY to help.

After watching the chat history of colleagues and customers, NY said, "You are lazy, you don't worry about your speech." The colleague "Ah?" Ny then circled two paragraphs: "These should be that you are studying online on the Internet. What about your words? "The colleague said in surprise:" Yeah, the blogger on the Internet said, according to her communication method, it is not disadvantaged. "

NY said: "The four words of emotional value 'in the past two years can see me allergies. The formulating compliment, the other party does not pay for it. It is a kind of breath without heart. I never read any communication books and courses. They all build relationships and dialogues with heart. Because text is breathless. I think contemporary people are very scary, that is, I always think that I am providing emotional value.

In NY's view, the emotional value of excessive use is sometimes not a good thing. "The valid emotional value is not that you think you are so good after you finish speaking. The other party must be happy. 'Instead, the other party thinks that this is good and the other party can recognize it." NY said.

"Emotional Blackmail" with "emotional value".

After providing emotional value, some people will subconsciously ask for it, so that they will "provide value with purpose". Once this purpose is perceived, it will seem very dishonest.

For example, "It doesn't matter, you can really go, I really don't have to do it alone." The discourse such as Susan Forward, the psychologist, is "emotional ransom".

It refers to sometimes we are forced to do something we do n’t want to do in order to maintain the relationship with important people, to reduce anxiety, and to reduce anxiety.

For example, some partners, one is working, and the other "accompanies" each other in his own space; one party stays up late, and the other side follows up late, thinking that he is providing spiritual support. Many people (especially women) will be considered precious emotional dedication. Couples or couples were unhappy. One party said how to accompany each other and count the past one by one. Unexpectedly, the other party said: I was annoyed for a long time, and for a long time. So the former was particularly sad, and felt that it was "really fed the dog." As everyone knows, this kind of "care" is sometimes suffocating.

Susan said: "Emotional people cannot be responsible for their negative emotions, but threatened or seduced to try to control each other, forcing him to obey himself and achieve his purpose. Don't love me '' Why are you so unreasonable? "Wait."

On October 22, 2021, in Beijing, the "Existing Contemporary Art Exhibition" was exhibited at the Art Museum of Tsinghua University. | Visual China

In the view of the writer Ye Qingcheng, this relationship treats the warmth and warmth as a dedication. Ye Qingcheng said: "Some women do not know how high their demand for emotional value at all. Friends cannot be satisfied, family members cannot be satisfied, and they must be accompanied at any time. They must talk at any time and need people to respond at any time ... This kind of response ... This kind of response ... This kind In the case, most of those who can respond to you are scammers and kill pigs. "

Just in May this year, the media exposed the "only 588 yuan, let all women like it" advanced courses for "love housekeepers" are suspected of fraud consumers. The lecturer includes national second -level psychological counselors, senior marriage and family consultants, and Huya Live Sign signed love mentor.

It is said that he has more than 20,000 students online and more than 5,000 offline students. Some consumers spend more than 10,000 yuan for study courses but have found nothing. The precautions of the lecture contract have long been stated: "Personal emotions are subjective. Party B provides consultation and guidance to Party A for psychological counseling types based on this agreement, which does not include and does not constitute any result. Party A knows it. ","

Emotional value is not necessarily love. | Pixabay

The exaggerated packaging of these emotional curriculum marketing often makes young people think that as long as you learn to provide emotional value, you can make the chat feel in love, and even harvest "true love". Emotional blogger "cold love" said: "Emotional value is not necessarily love."

Although unsatisfactory skills can't be replaced, the concept of "emotional value" has a certain significance, which provides a practical methodology.

Do not do things that provide emotional value for "self -consciousness". Yu Min's suggestion is: "Eliminate the word" emotional value "from your mind and learn how to seriously like the person in front of you, you can naturally speak goodwill language."

In real life, no one can always play an emotional feeding machine.If someone really plays your emotional feeding machine for a long time, it is very likely that he is just to control you; long -term emotional feeding machines will deepen a wrong concept, that is, people only like him who pretend to be positive emotions, and true real emotions, and true real emotions, and true true, true, true, and true, and true, real emotionHe and the negative emotions that he should have as a man is not accepted.In the book "The Power of Positive Emotions", there is such a paragraph: "We do not feel positive emotions because of the success of life and health, but the sincere positive emotions created a complete and healthy life. Positive emotions are oneSelection. "

Become a person with a stable emotion and live a good life. This is the greatest emotional value of the people around you.Yu Min said: "You don't want to pay for the" emotional value 'blindly ". When you fall into a slave with emotional value, you are not worthy of anyone.Become a emotional black hole, this is a very bad state. "

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