58 -year -old Su Min flee for 2 years: What maintains marriage and what makes the marriage break

Marriage is not a person's unicorn,

It is two people's dance.

Author: Insight · Annabe Su

Just a few days ago, Su Min, a 58 -year -old aunt Su Min, who was "divorced, escaped, drove by himself alone" two years ago, appeared on Weibo hot search again.

Before leaving, she was a middle -aged woman who turned around the pot and paid for the family to resent for the family;

When she returned, she was confident and open -minded, with more than 2 million well -known bloggers with fans on the entire platform.

She said that when she came back, she was ready to divorce.

In this seemingly chic attitude, there are actually many uneasiness and hesitation.

This is a story about women's self -awakening. Behind Su Min's escape and return, her marriage experience and perception can't help but let us think:

What does it maintain marriage and what makes marriage break?

1

Marriage without love is like water. Su Min and his husband met through a blind date.

At that time, she was 23 years old, and the people around them were married and had children. She also took it for granted that marriage was equivalent to "happy life."

After seeing each other twice with each other, the two became home.

At that time, she felt that her husband "met the requirements and looked at it", but did not think that this marriage would become her biggest shackles in the next decades.

Her marriage has no happiness at all.

Su Min dare not speak at home, because as soon as he speaks, he will be picked by his husband;

She managed the family, her husband did not feel bad for her dedication, but thought everything was taken for granted;

For a few years, the fertilizer factory she worked was closed down. Without the source of the economy, her husband was strictly controlled by every spending on her, and he scolded her to be a loser mother -in -law.

In short, she is wrong in front of her husband.

A psychological counselor once said:

If you are always unhappy and always feel wronged in a period of marriage, you feel that being with that person is very depressed. If you have a long time, the probability is that the other party does not care about you at all.

Because they do not love, some talents will blame and calculate, and they will only think about themselves.

There was a netizen who was preparing to get married with his girlfriend, and he accidentally took his girlfriend's leg.

He sold the house, borrowed money everywhere, and treated his girlfriend and installed prosthesis.

Others persuaded him: "This girl lost her legs, which is equivalent to half a waste. You are still young and you have to consider your future."

He regarded his marriage regardless of his girlfriend.

He said: "Some people will calculate the cost of love and marriage. They will give up with each other when they encounter major problems, but for me, love is love, no reason is needed."

Maybe many people in life feel that love is not a need for marriage.

But if you have never posted a person from the heart, you will not know what it means to "get people to get rid of people, and the belts will gradually be wider and don't regret it."

If you have never loved and compassionate from the bottom of your heart, you will not know what is called "because you understand, so compassion."

Marriage is not a matter of equivalent transactions of material and interests, but resonance between two people's hearts and hearts.

Marriage without love, like water without water, will gradually dry up.

There is a marriage with love to truly become your harbor.

When you fall, it can straighten your backbone. When you are in the dark, it will turn into redemption of your light.

2

The indifference and non -speaking are the biggest killer of marriage. A emotional expert once said: "Most of the intimate killers are not domestic violence, not derailment, but indifferent to nothing to say."

In marriage, if a person's enthusiasm and care are often swallowed by indifference. Over time, the person who is disappointed enough will naturally decide to leave.

On Weibo, when he mentioned his marriage with her husband for 30 years, he used three continuous words:

"Being with him, what I feel is only pressure, pressure, and pressure."

Most of the time, Su Min and her husband seem to live in the parallel world:

When she was a child, she took her daughter to go shopping. The mother and daughter walked in front, and her husband was behind;

After the daughter's boarded in the third day, the two began to sleep in separate rooms.

After the daughter got married and had children, the two had to live in a house, so they simply bought up and down. In the evening, the two put on headphones and played each mobile phone ...

Later, Su Min found severe depression, often crying silently at home, taking medicine, and her husband did not perceive this.

In this 30 -year marriage, there were no Qinse and Ming and the crowd, and some were just indifferent and numb.

There are such similar scenes in the show "Goodbye, Lover" a while ago.

Her husband Wang Qiuyu, regarded all the care, romance, rituals that his wife needed, was regarded as naive and wasting.

He never cared about what his wife was thinking, and his requirements were always perfunctory, impatient and indifferent.

One time his wife called him too much, and he scolded him with a face and covered his face.

Over time, his wife was full of eyes, and he finally chose to leave.

Some people say that indifference is like a dull knife, a little bit of galaxy between people, and turning around is an insurmountable distance.

The disappointment was enough, and the marriage followed.

3

If you don't communicate well, the two people are not far away. American psychologist Dr. John Gottman has conducted a 40 -year -old marriage relationship research, and nearly 700 couples participated in it. Most of the reasons for the breakdown of these husbands and wives are that they are unwilling to communicate well.

Either hearly quarreled, and then developed into a cold war, and a marriage gradually ended.

Either the lack of exchanges between husband and wife, which caused his wife to feel ignored. Over time, the two parted ways.

If you don't communicate well, the marriage is not far away.

In the report of "Cover News", I noticed such a detail.

Su Min said that within two years of leaving, her husband never took the initiative to find her.

After the wife returned, the two met. The first sentence of the husband was: "You still know that you come back, and you can't mix it outside?"

It is such a man. In the years, when he encounters a problem, he either bury himself like an ostrich. Otherwise, if he speaks, it will be muddy and ironic.

Recalling the past, Su Min sighed: "We can't communicate. If you say a little more, he will fall out."

In our lives, many of us also like to fight for the marriage conflict, and also like to fight for you to win, or simply escape, thinking that the problem can be automatically resolved.

But those small cracks will ferment over time until the gully that can no longer be crossed.

In Harvard's "Happiness Class", the professor Tal said such a paragraph:

The most harmonious and harmonious relationship between husband and wife is not never quarreling, but at the same time as quarreling, you can also try to communicate actively.

Luo Yonghao once talked about the mode of getting along with his wife.

He said that he was busy, and often did not have home for three or four days. One year to the first two people did not even eat a few meals together, but there would never be problems with the communication between them.

Because: "I will tell her what happened recently, she will listen silently, that's enough."

A good marriage must be willing to say, one is willing to listen.

Without communication, marriage is like a huge wall between the two, and it is always impossible to face face to face, so it can only be drifting away.

There is an endless gossip on weekdays, and there is business and quantity in business. It is the best way to operate marriage.

4

In the movie "Fantastic Year", Su Lizhen played by Maggie Cheung said such a paragraph:

"I never thought that marriage could be so complicated, and I thought a person was done well.

But if two people are together, it is not enough to do it by themselves. "

This may also be Su Min's deepest understanding over the years.

She worked hard and hoped, and eventually disappointed.

Perhaps, no matter how enthusiasm, I don't cover a indifferent heart. If you do n’t love, you do n’t love.

Because marriage is not a person's unicorn, but a double dance of two people.

A long and trivial day requires the two to persist, maintain, and wait.

Flowing the warmth and laughter of marriage, love and consideration, is the preciousness that can't be bought.

Like a praise and encourage friends.

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