After school, wisdom parents chat with children like this | Selected

This article comes from the public account: Qian Zhiliang Studio ID: QZLGZS

At the beginning of the new semester, the children started to start school and began to invest in tense school life.

In the days of going to school, only after children from school can there be a rare parent -child time, and they should be fully used.

Parents can spend twenty or thirty minutes on their way home, after dinner, and before going to bed. It not only helps to understand the child's school life, help children solve the real and psychological difficulties in time, but also improve parent -child relationships.

The parent -child relationship is good, and education will be more effective.

But what are you talking about? How to talk? It is also particular.

Some parents do not know how to care about their children, and chat with their children almost around learning, and soon they "talk to the sky to death".

Mastering the following methods can make the chat play the best effect--

01

"What happened to today's happiness/interesting thing?"

Parents of some kindergartens and low -grade children are often full of concerns about their children. They are afraid that children are naughty in school, or they do n’t get along well with their classmates. So they like to ask their children:

"Does anyone bullish you in the class?"

"Did the teacher criticize you?"

"Didn't you get a disaster today?"

These issues with a direction, letting children think of the unpleasant experience of the day, will cause negative hints to the child and have a bad impression on the school.

Especially for children in the kindergarten stage, it is when they need to establish feelings for the school so that they can better adapt to the life of kindergartens and elementary schools.

Parents' inadvertent negative hints can easily make children feel unsafe, unhappy in school, and even cause learning emotions.

Therefore, parents should care about their children more from the positive perspective, such as asking him:

"What happened to school today?"

Guiding children to pay attention to the good side of school life, it will also mobilize the child's positive emotions and cultivate an optimistic way of thinking.

02

Avoid big and empty questions, ask more about specific questions

Some parents have reported that every time they chat with their children, the topic is over without talking, and the box of children cannot be opened.

Most of them are because parents ask their children too broadly and abstract. Children can only give a fuzzy and general answer, which cannot cause the child's desire to talk. for example:

"Are you happy today?"

"Happy/OK."

"How do you learn today?"

"is acceptable."

"How about getting along with your classmates?"

"it is good."

·······

If parents want to learn more about their children's school life and study, it is best to ask some small and specific questions, and children have more space for expression.

for example:

"What games did you play in school today?"

"Which classmate do you play in the class best?"

"Why do you like to play with him?"

"Which teacher do you like best? (Why?)"

These specific problems allow children to have something to speak, the topic can continue, talk deeper, and promote parents' understanding of their children.

03

"Is there anything to help Mom and Dad?"

Regardless of the children at the stage, more or less in daily life will encounter problems and troubles that are difficult to solve for him. Children who are not good at expressing may always be buried in his heart, which is not conducive to his growth and development.

I remember I have seen a very warm story:

A little boy and father played on the beach. The little boy wanted to move a stone, but no matter how hard he could make the stone position change.

The little boy's father reminded him: "You have to try all the methods."

Under the reminder of Dad, the little boy borrowed a stick again, but he still had no effect. The little boy finally couldn't resist crying.

Dad asked, "Do you use all the ways?" The little boy shed tears in his eyes and nodded.

Dad asked again, "Are you sure you have used all methods?" The little boy nodded firmly.

Dad touched the little boy's head and laughed: "You don't, you don't call Dad to help."

Parents often ask their children: "Do you need your parents to help?" He will give the child an opportunity to say the problems and troubles he face.

It also conveys such information to the child: you don't have to carry it alone when you encounter difficulties. Mom and dad are your strongest backing.

This unconditional love and support will give children unlimited courage and confidence.

Facing the problems in life together, it will also greatly promote the feelings between parents and children, and children trust their parents more.

When the child says his difficulties and troubles, the parents help him sort out, give suggestions and guidance, and help children learn to solve problems and establish correct values.

In this process, parents need to pay attention to that no matter what children say, parents should not be too wrong about their children, blame and criticize him.

Since things have happened, the focus is on standing with children to face and solve problems together.

04

Be a good listener

Some children are small words, and they will pull parents about what happened in the school and their own minds. At this time, the attitude of parents is very important, affecting the child's willingness to communicate with parents in the future.

Some parents, while playing with their mobile phones, or doing things on hand, chat with their children carelessly, and did not listen to the child seriously.

The child is very smart and sensitive. Whether parents listen to his speech carefully, he can clearly distinguish it. When the child often feels that the parents do not have the same frequency as they are, do not care what he says and feels, they will gradually lose their desire to communicate with their parents and reduce their trust in their parents.

At that time, it is too late to pursue the child to chat with their children. It is easy to destroy trust, but it is difficult to reconstruction.

Other parents, the children, before they said a few words, began to express their own opinions, interrogating the children and speaking the truth, causing the children to be full of interest.

For example, the child said, "There are two people in the class today, which is particularly funny."

Parents hurriedly educated their children: "How can you fight? You can't learn them, you have to be obedient at school, know?"

Preaching is the most taboo in parent -child communication. Parents are unilaterally speaking. In fact, there is almost no effect. Instead, it is easy to cause children to be bored and do not want to chat with their parents.

Moreover, parents always stand at the high level of "absolute correctness". For their children, children will slowly hide their true self and do not tell their parents the truth.

During the chat with children, parents are a good listener, say less, listening to children, is a very important part.

First of all, parents should maintain a high interest in their children's topics. Looking at the children, listening carefully, do not want to interrupt the child at will.

Secondly, parents should stand more from the perspective of their children, experience their children's feelings, accept and understand his emotions, and reduce judgment and preaching.

When the child shares funny and happy things, laughs and happy with him; when the child feels angry and frustrated, try to experience his feelings and help him express it.

For example: the child said, "Today the teacher criticized me, I was mad me!"

Parents can say, "It can be seen that you are criticized by the teacher, you are very angry." "I can understand, the taste must be uncomfortable."

Next, children may tell parents what happened.

His feelings are accepted and understood, and the child's willingness to talk will be stronger and open the real inner world to the parents.

Some people say that the best companion is the company's companionship.

I agree that the feeling of being accepted and understood is very warm, which can shorten the distance between the two sides and the heart. This is also the most ideal state of parent -child communication.

On this basis, parents will guide their children properly, and the effect of education will be better.

05

Talk to children "nonsense"

I often see children on the Internet who vomit parents like this:

"When I talk to me, I only learn about the topic, as if learning is my life."

Indeed, many parents do not know what to talk about with their children. Open mouth closed only homework, study, and exams.

Especially after school every day, if parents only know about their children's learning situation and urge their children to write homework, the child will naturally be unhappy. He feels that his parents care about learning and homework, which is better than concerned about him.

If the child is willing to tell you many "nonsense", it means that he is relaxed and happy with you, and is full of trust in you, so he is willing to share various things with you.

"Is the food in the cafeteria delicious?"

"I saw a particularly funny person on the road today."

"Where do you want to play on the weekend?"

"Do you know how artificial rainfall is done?"

"I took a cloud -shaped cloud today, you see."

·······

Sometimes, love is hidden in those bland "nonsense" in life. In parent -child communication, parents often talk to their children "nonsense" and talk about "useless things" will make the parent -child relationship closer and add more fun and happiness to life.

There is a sentence circulating in the education industry: "It is valid to be a parent."

Yes, the child's growth is only once. Before junior high school, they were the most attached to their parents, and the time for parent -child to get along the most.

Slowly, children will gradually move towards classmates, schools, a broader world, and less and less time with their parents.

Taking advantage of the opportunity, I hope that parents can cherish it. During this time after school, they will chat and interact with their children, establish a harmonious parent -child relationship, and grow up with their children healthy and happy!

The end of the article | This article is reprinted in Qian Zhiliang Studio (ID: QZLZGS), author | Qian Zhiliang, a famous teacher in Beijing Normal University. Focus on special education, family education, and early childhood education. He is the author of "Early Entry", "Early Education of Science", "140 Chinese characters that are urgently used first," and so on.

Editor in charge | Du Runnan

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