Feng Lun: Cai Li and Marriage

Cover Map | "Sword Rain" stills

Question: Uncle Feng, I have a question to ask you. These days, taking advantage of the holidays, I accompanied my girlfriend to go home and talked to my girlfriend's parents. Now talk about marriage and marriage, it is inevitable to have a gift. Some parents feel that "Cai Li is a guarantee for marriage, so Cai Li must have to be, and more." Want to know, how do you think of the custom of Caoli?

Uncle Feng: I think it is not true to ensure that marriage is used to ensure that marriage is not established.

Why do you say that? Life is too long. In some places, Cai Li is about 100,000, 200,000, or even 300,000. Can such a sum of happiness be guaranteed for a lifetime? I think it is impossible. Moreover, money will still depreciate. Use money to protect marriage without problems, or in this life, I want to use this two or three hundred thousand money to solve it. I think this is not a right or wrong problem, but this idea is not established.

Marriage is a long process. We said that most of the cases, from the age of 20, and then got married, until they were in their eighties, they were old and old, fifty or sixty years. In this long process, how many things cannot be solved by 200,000 to 300,000?

To put it plainly, life is too unpredictable. From the age of 20 to 30 to the age of 80, everything that has occurred in these fifty years must be resolved, and it is not completely relying on money, and sometimes even luck. For example, floods, fires, or earthquakes, and mudslides have come. People in a village spread on this matter. Some people were killed, and some people had luck to escape.

So, what is Caoli? It should be understood as an expression of goodwill between the two parties, and should not become a kind of forced money guarantee. If you have conditions, you are willing, then express it. If you don't give it, I don't think it doesn't matter.

According to my observation, there seems to be a contradiction and conflict caused by Cai Li in the big city, but in the countryside, the contradictions caused by it are slightly prominent.

As a rational parent, it should be more concerned than Cai Li. It helps the next generation to better spend a long marriage, give guidance in the preservation and maintenance of marriage, and help them solve various problems and conflicts encountered in their lives.

"Two Conjectations of Marriage" | Honeymoon is short, and the days are very long

The so -called "honeymoon is short and the life is long." In the long life, how to solve various problems and conflicts? I think the following three points are critical.

First, the understanding of real life should reach an agreement.

Second, the longing for future life is the same.

Third, the two sides have a common standard for solving complex problems, that is, consistent values.

The understanding of real life, the vision and values ​​of the future constitute how the two people think of today and the future, and the basic method of getting along with the outside world.

These three are consistent, and two people can spend their lives better together. Conversely, it is more difficult, either dispersed halfway, or constantly stumbling.

What does it mean to understand today's life? for example. One thinks that there is a 100 -square -meter house to live well, but the other says, "No, it must be 300 square meters." This is different understanding of real life.

As for the longing for the future, one believes that "in the next decades, we can earn millions or even 10 million or two million, which is very happy." The other said, "No, how powerful we must be, at least one hundred million yuan, otherwise, we will not pass by."

One feels that making money is only part of life, freedom is important. The other said, "Freedom is a fart, the most important thing to make money." The values ​​are inconsistent.

If these are inconsistent, it is easy to quarrel because of anything.

Suddenly encountered an economic dispute and conflict with the neighbors. How to educate children ... Because the values ​​are different, the judgment is different, and they can always be stunned. I encountered disputes and conflicts, one was thinking about being forgiven and absent, and the other was not to be cared for. When educating children, one wants to respect the child's nature, develop freely, and one must be educated in accordance with the "tiger dad and tiger mother" ... Everything is like this, and the days cannot be done.

In the past two years, some of the 50s and sixties I have met have encountered difficulties in business operations, and my career is not smooth. When encountering difficulties, marriage has also changed. Those who caused their marriage situation are actually these three things.

For example, the company went bankrupt, and some chose to divorce because the understanding of real life has changed. As long as you understand differently, you can find the reason for the departure.

Of course, some people choose to support the other half, "Life includes not only success, but also failure. I choose you, not only choosing to succeed, but also failed.

All in all, after the two people get married, those who can get along for a long time often have the same understanding of real life, the vision and values ​​of the future. To deal with these three things, there is a greater probability to live a good marriage.

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Editor -in -law ｜ Editor Wang Tao ｜ Consultant Chen Runjiang ｜ Wang Shuqi

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