Fear married girl vs want to be married: What am I afraid, do you really understand?

Author:Xindi Time:2022.06.21

Sayings:

Today's content is a conversation between some men who want to get married and some women who don't want to get married.

--Very wonderful.

We saw a survey released by Guangming Daily, which mentioned that in an investigation of 2905 young people aged 18-26, it was found that women's willingness to get married was significantly lower than men.

The number of women said that "not getting married" and "uncertain whether they would get married" accounted for 43.92%, which was 19.29%more than men.

So we initiated this conversation. The precious thing is that this time, everyone had to let the other party finish the words, and some even reflected it seriously.

When they talk about the loss of workplace prejudice, fertility, and the loss of opportunity costs, what is their reaction?

When they talk about family pressure and mention "I want to get married", what will they say?

Today's content is relatively long, because this is a male and female conversation with "establishment understanding". Maybe you spend more time to read it -and these minutes you spend a few minutes is actually the beginning of understanding.

In the 1120 holiday in 2020, he took me back to his hometown for more than a year.

Classic family dinner proposes.

In fact, I also have the faint expectations, otherwise I would like to promise him to see his parents?

Then you are fine.

We didn't see his parents at that time, so he heard him hint countless times.

The first time was the postgraduate entrance examination and applied for different cities.

He said: "If a city is fine, you can settle in a marriage and buy a house."

The second week of living together, I came up with this idea, but did not tell her.

At that time, we opened the sheets that had just finished washed. I shook her hard and almost didn't stand hard, so she folded my face with me. I thought to myself, I really thought that this day has been going on like this.

Last month, we teased her cat to play, and I held the cat's paw and said, "Come to call Dad."

She slapped my hand with a slap, and stunned me, "What about my cat, what do you call your dad? Nervous."

I attended 4 weddings in the first half of the year, and I was a best man within a week.

I cried as soon as I got into our heads from my mind. I said, I must marry you in the future.

She stunned: "Is the wedding so sensational? What did you think about two months?"

He made a young child year old, and I accompanied him to eat.

On the wine table, he kept groaning, "You two have to hurry up, otherwise the dolls of our two families will be too late."

He kept laughing, and I foresee what he had to say when he returned to the car. In the second half of the half, I took a taxi and I left first.

Escape shame is useful.

The one in my family always mentioned endlessly, I am used to it--

Just like he was in a daze, I could guess that when he finished, 80 % were about to get married again.

Sometimes I am quite curious. Boys always get married, is it sincere or out of the test?

If you mention it at will, I don’t know how to respond:

I refuse it seriously, you say I am passionate; I hit it, you feel perfunctory again.

It's really hard.

Maybe it was a joke when it was sincere, and it was a joke after being rejected?

Our last time we visited the IKEA, the thief was warm and romantic. I thieves on the thief. After thinking about the piano at home, how to wear soft outfits.

She suddenly looked serious: "I have to say it again, I don't get married before 28, I am not pregnant before 30, and you are not too young. I'm afraid you can break up."

I was stubborn, and said, just joking.

But I actually know that she said so seriously about this relationship.

We are currently in love. I think about going out and date. I have to appoint gas to repair the gas, and even remind him in the morning to increase and decrease.

I think the love pattern of my sister is also very sweet, I am ok.

But get married? This belongs to being an old mother. I don't accept it.

I know you so much.

I went home and went home, and the cat sand basin was almost smelly.

Cats can't raise well, so dare to want to get married and support children?

And after breaking up with the predecessor, I never thought of getting married again.

At that time, both of our wedding rooms were delivered. Well, it was derailed for the old lady.

When I cried and broke up, I guess him?

"Let's get married, I will not do such a thing anymore with my family."

——I am not aimed at all boys, but some contemporary men.

——Itly, they pin their marriage to solve the final solution of all love conflicts.

——It is, I wo n’t account for so much after marriage. I live together?

——My look like a big grievance?

Speak some reality.

The label of marriage and unpreparedness, everyone can see how heavy the workplace is.

I love you, but love shouldn't be blind.

Yes. Our company has been cut off in these two years. There are still marriage leaves who have invited the annual leave. They did not ask for marriage leave.

Hey.

If there will always be such workplace hidden rules in large cities, the risk of girls' marriage is quite high.

correct. Some boys really can't realize that marriage has non -material costs.

Like the two of us, we must go north to Guangzhou and Shenzhen, and a medical study wants to take root in the province of three tier cities.

You can get married, who compromises?

If you don't give up some of your own life planning, or you must bear the sacrifice of the other party may have a sense of effort.

The cost of fertility is also easy to ignore.

We can see that it is often women who choose to return to the family after giving birth.

Regarding raw children, I remembered the story of@and her husband Eric before. She said that pregnancy is the only thing in marriage that requires women to bear it completely.

Therefore, she is responsible for living. Her husband is responsible for raising the first two years after birth, such as buying daily necessities, taking care of children, and asking kindergartens.

I hope I will be such a husband in the future.

I think this determination can give her courage.

Oh, so, why do you want to get married so much?

I said myself, almost 30, in fact, I know that my career has nothing to rise.

There is really nothing that can fight for yourself at present -except for this five -year love.

And I am sure her.

So getting married seems to have become my biggest hope.

I want to be a "community of interests" with her.

Just like she had to adjust my salary to me before and discuss it.

I helped her with an idea to list the reason, how to fight HR psychological war ... I felt that I was fighting for the benefit for a specific "home", rather than simply intervening in her life.

Even that night I still calculated carefully, according to our pace, while ensuring the quality of life, the conservative can deposit 65W after 5 years.

I have to talk about the money.

I really will be anxious. We both drift north. Even if you can afford a room, it is not a school district. Even the school district can't get a hukou.

If you don't return to your hometown, you don't need to get married in this life.

In the final analysis, girls' resistance to marriage can be summarized into two sentences--

First, I am afraid to lose my control of life.

I had the opportunity to realize the life I wanted. I didn't want to give up in advance to consider returning to my hometown, giving birth to a baby, and even starting to worry about the children's further studies ...

Of course, you can also choose to be a woman and mother -in -the -work mother after marriage.

But you need to know that women are likely to face the loss of opportunities and resources after marriage--

HR may be distressed "maternity leave" and "breastfeeding leave" to include you on the "optimization list";

Your superiors may not trust you to work for parenting, and do not give you the core promotion opportunity.

Then you have to face the difference of identity -from you to "prospective mother".

In the traditional family structure, the probability of women's careers is only an additional problem.

What is the request? Be a mother as soon as possible.

Second, I am afraid of giving birth to children.

I am afraid that someone will expect me to be a "perfect mother."

Then I have to be painless, caesarean section, breastfeeding, and 24H to accompany them -after all, this is the "universal responsibility" of women in their eyes.

I am afraid that I will encounter urine leakage, breast pain, or even postpartum depression, and even more to adapt to splicing sleep that feeds at night every 2 hours.

I am afraid that when facing all this, there is another mother -in -law who questioned me "seizing" her son.

Women's fear of having children is far more than that of childbirth pain.

In fact, the above words are to tell all the boys.

You need to really understand the situation you may face before considering getting married, rather than "wait for marriage and face together."

Even if you can't really fulfill his rejoicing -as long as you can understand more and give her some room to measure and decide, this will also be her courage to step into marriage.

I have seen such a sentence before that men are the beneficiaries of universal marriage, and women are the undertaking of marriage.

After listening to her, I understand this sentence better.

In fact, think about how much a boy really needs a marriage? uncertain.

Many times the subconscious feels that my family "needs me to get married" -ettly, most boys' marriage and love views are actually more traditional than women.

Many girls come out of this concept and even confront them, but boys do not.

We grew up listening to the incense theory since childhood, and listening to the words "Our Pharaoh's Family", and we have an over -sturdy family subconscious.

So much so that the object "we can always fall in love with each other", it feels reasonable, but I can't believe it.

I always feel that not having children is incomplete, and it is necessary to break with the family.

And in recent years, I realized that cars, rooms, and colorful ceremonies in the traditional marriage structure have also become a form of urging marriage.

You think, this huge amount of funds is generally prepared at home. When you place it in front of you, this has become a moral suppression -so much money is prepared for me.

Um......

It is not to say so much, but I finally have a chance to think about it.

In fact, the patriarchal system is not only hurting women, but also oppressing men.

The 30 -year -old successful male template under the patriarchal system has a successful career and a happy family -this catalyzes the idea of many boys who want to get married. My career is not successful enough. At least I have to take advantage of the family.

To be honest, I also have this mentality. I don't want to fight anymore, so I want to escape the judgment of my society and the workplace, and I just want to hide in a marriage.

This is the true idea of some boys--

The premise is that I really love you, so I want to be stable with you, and I have never thought of making such a big sacrifice.

But in the final analysis, this may be just the same thing in different perspectives.

_____________________

Finally, listen to them to talk about this, we want to say:

This generation of wedding boys and girls is really different.

The girls have changed, not necessarily to optimize life through a marriage.

Boys also from stereotypes, and should be established in the age and look forward to their families. The same frequency of love has a dislocation in the marriage.

Girls rationally examine the real costs and thresholds of marriage. But the biggest reality of marriage is that it is essentially a romantic impulse.

Boys are also driven by emotional and romantic. They can see the problem, but they are also willing to throw the problem to the after marriage. I think love is a weapon that fights all in marriage, but in fact, in fact, love is just the bottom line of protecting a marriage.

So, can they still get married--

"I still want to marry her."

I want to get married when we can still be motivated and energy to love.

And although this is slightly scum, we both agree -we can't guarantee that our lives will not change their hearts and will always be with each other.

But the moment I want to love or not, it was my firm determination before entering the marriage.

It is best to get a marriage certificate, and then we continue to fall in love, don't think more for the time being.

"If there is no special turning point, I may not get married."

To be honest, I heard that the boy said that "love is not loved" is quite moved, but there is also a problem. Ending a relationship and ending a marriage, the cost of paying is completely different.

And compared to men, the disadvantage of divorced women in the second marriage market is even more obvious.

It is even more difficult to bring a baby again.

So I see that if love is core, marriage is not a necessary form of implementation.

"If you can marry her, you can do it."

Once she drank too much with her girlfriend, I went to pick it up.

When she got off the taxi, she dumped off the heels and cried with my legs on the road.

She said that her girlfriend had giving birth to a baby, and she had a dozen centimeters of scars on her belly, but she was ugly.

While crying, she should not have children in her life. It was funny at that moment, but then I thought it was a bit sad.

I can't say whether to be sad for her panic, or to be sad for her may not have children.

But I think, if it was her, I could accept it.

If there is an opinion at home, I said that I can't do it, and I have checked the disease, called "weak sperm".

I can find a fake diagnostic book.

"In fact, the conflict of marriage is still talking about it. It is already half yes I do."

But to be honest, I have never thought about what marriage can bring, because I think that love has been overdrawn in advance.

Sex, emotional value, intimacy ...

After marriage, bearing the cost of fertility, intervening in the family of both parties, there may be one party to sacrifice career to take care of the family ...

So I think the significance of marriage is probably to grow up. It is responsible for myself, the other party, and the small family to be formed.

It is estimated that it is a bit painful haha, I have accepted it peacefully.

If I can, I look forward to the happiness that I can get more than pain.

Writing: Chen Xiao sleeps

Design: Kuizi

Responsible editor: quite stiff

The statistical data sources are published in the Research Center of the Socialist Theoretical System Research Center of the Communist Youth League, published in the "Guangming Daily".

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We welcome more conversations.