+Sound | What do you think of "casually" and "forget it"?

There is a "+sound" in the south, and every weekend at 10 pm meets you on time.

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Have you ever had such confusion?

Getting along with others for a while, we can probably know the temperament of the other person's personality;

But I have been with myself for so long, but I am always not sure what kind of person I am.

Today I take this opportunity to want a little trick of popular science: to know myself through mantra.

01

"casual"

"What to eat for lunch?"

"casual!"

"Then eat fried rice?"

"It's too oily!"

"Then eat hot pot?"

"No, it will get angry."

"What do you want to eat?"

"casual!"

Native

Is there such a type of person around you? When someone consulted TA opinions or issued invitations/rejection to TA, TA's response is usually only one: casual.

It sounds like TA is very easy -going, it doesn't matter to anything, there is no requirement.

But in fact, TA already had the answer, but did not want to speak directly.

Such a response method often gives people a sense of alienation in the clouds: what do TA want?

A person who often says "casual" may often be suppressed in the process of TA's growth.

Perhaps there are a lot of restraints in childhood, and there is almost no choice.

Or maybe there is a phenomenon of "resource allocation" in the family.

In the long run, the children who are not favored will no longer be requested or expressed their needs, because TA thinks from the bottom of my heart: I don't important.

Therefore, those who often say that casual casualness do not have no demand, but do not dare to express demand, or do not understand the needs.

02

"wrong"

"You look very happy."

"No! I didn't."

"That's what happened."

"No! It's not that."

Native

As soon as you speak, you first deny others. No matter what others say, what you do, correct or not, the first reaction is always: negative/denial.

This inertial negation response method often gives people a feeling of being pushed away.

If you are also a habitual denied person, you may lack experiences recognized by others in your growth process.

Children who have been denied for a long time are full of frustration. In order to avoid this feeling, TA may develop a "transfer" defense mechanism:

By denying/denying others, you can transfer your frustration and shame.

Hanging "wrong" on his mouth is not because of how correct they themselves, but because they are afraid that once they agree with others, they will be denied, controlled, or even lose themselves.

03

"You listen to me first"

"I think ..."

"Wait, listen to me first!"

"I think……"

"Wait a minute, listen to me first!"

Native

Is there such a person around you, TA always likes to interrupt others.

Often others say half of the words, "You listen to me first", you kill the other half of the other party.

A person who is accustomed to interrupting others is mostly from the following two family atmosphere:

One is that parents are very stubborn and severe. If you are afraid of the authority of his parents, your child will choose to identify and obey.

So in the process of growing up, TA will learn the appearance of parents: to persuade each other with an authoritative gesture.

Another situation is that the child is the center of the family. Parents must have a request to face the needs of the child and never refuse.

So in the future relationship, TA will continue to repeat this model: based on self -centered, not respecting and listening to others' voices.

04

"forget it"

"It's too much, how can he treat you like this?"

"forget it."

"Go, let's find him together."

"forget it."

Native

In life, there is another type of person, no matter what kind of grievances and unfair treatment, TA never resists.

The phrase "Forget it" contains helplessness, contains distrust, and contains a negative attitude.

In the interaction of relations, when others are trying to fight for TA, or make efforts for the results of the matter,

TA's sentence "Forget it" is like a pot of cold water poured out the enthusiasm of others.

Such people often inherit the thoughts of "peace as expensive", habitually deny and deny their true feelings, and may even gradually take this careless attitude as pride.

At the end

In daily life, there are many mantra, which will not be listed here.

The purpose of this article is not to label everyone and create anxiety, but to discuss with you:

How does mantra reflect a person's interpersonal interaction? What is the deeper demand behind the mantra?

If you often use a certain/certain mantra, try to detect and explore through it:

Where does it come from?

What does it mean?

Why do I become such a person?

Regardless of the past experience or the current interpersonal relationship, please remember to maintain self -awareness.

The keen self -awareness will gradually help us see ourselves more comprehensive, more determined to break away from the fetters of the native family, and to operate various relationships more freely.

And our entire life will become transparent, free and calm.

Today's "+sound" is over, thank you for listening.

Author | Tianya, a major in psychology of South China Normal University, sheep talks about the app.Source | Wu Zhihong (ID: wzhxlx)

Picture Source | Qianfu.com, Bag Picture Network, Vision China

Anchor | Ansi

Recording | Huang Zewei

Edit | Hong Xin

School pair | Liang Feifei

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