Encouraging women "independence" is also a kind of violence

Unexpectedly, today we met a "lying" guest.

I have always encouraged more women to move forward boldly, hoping to record the precious "forward steps" by professional women to encourage more ordinary you and me and pick up the courage to move forward.

Just like the book "A Step":

Women are not without leadership, but they dare not let go of their hands and feet to chase their dreams. As long as they sit in front of the table, participation can bring changes.

But this time, our guest Zhang Chun said, "A step forward" 4 words made her have to wake up--

Is it wrong?

Is there only the "forward" road in women?

This is an opportunity for us to collide.

Who is Zhang Chun?

Maybe many people know her because of an advertisement.

She talks about some "double restraints" of women's views on women:

You have to have a career, but you can't have too much career;

You have to be beautiful, but you are so beautiful that you are vanity.

It seems that women do something wrong.

Picture source: Perlaya

She is a writer and a psychological counselor. This gender observation comes from her job.

Because the proportion of men and women in the receptionists is about 1: 9, and the lively female samples make her see a depression called "female depression".

Walking for 40 years of experience in women, she realized a truth:

"Men and women are not living in the same world."

I am curious, in the wave of encouraging women to go up, why did she open the wheat loudly that "women can settle, lying and crying"? What kind of female world she sees?

Based on this, Zhang Chunzhan and I had a two -hour conversation.

I hope this article can give you a new perspective and a massage of a healing mind.

The following is Zhang Chun's self -report.

Two gender situations

One step forward?

When I hear these now, my alarm bells all rang.

Everyone is telling women to move forward, succeed, stand up, be a professional woman ... Do you want to stand up, is it that sitting, squatting, lying down?

Any suggestion contains a hidden word, that is, "should".

"You should ..." We have heard too much.

But I think that the voice of "how to make progress" and tell women that "you have the right to make any choices" are even scarce.

But we need such a sound instead of finding faults in women.

Picture source: TV series "Large Lie"

I am 40 years old. Maybe the first 38 years in my life are all experienced a proposition:

What are I painful?

How did this pain happen? How to describe and describe it? What are the commonality and differences in women?

And why are men so different? How is his coolness? What does his pain look like, where is it different from me?

These doubts are what you see in your daily life.

For example, if you see such a news -the seventy -year -old old man was cut off the garbage late at night and died on the spot.

What will I notice?

I will notice that this is a woman. A woman who was killed outside late at night, I could not help but stem on myself, and I would be afraid.

But if the news describes this -the man will be murderer at 3 am and will be arrested and brought to justice in less than an hour.

The subject is replaced from the victims to a punished man. I won't immediately feel "I am dangerous", but I know the criminals will pay the price.

But the news you usually see is almost the previous narrative.

Picture source: network

I can't give me the specific news that scares me, but when a woman sees such news subjects and narratives from childhood, she naturally knows:

The world is dangerous, I have to be careful and cautious.

This is the daily life of women. Many women are looking for an effective strategy to protect themselves in such a threat atmosphere.

We are afraid that the courier will see that there are no men in their house. The girl who lives alone will hang a few men's clothes on the balcony and put a pair of men's slippers at the door ... These self -protection skills, girls are learning from childhood to childhood.

According to my observation, all women have the ability to automatically distinguish "how do I make others comfortable and how do I make others uncomfortable".

They will know automatically that they will be safer to do it, so that they will not put themselves under danger.

Picture source: TV series "Large Lie"

Maybe you always think that you live in the same world as men, but this is not the case.

The world of women and men has their own narratives. The huge logical differences determine what women and men see are absolutely different worlds.

The narrative of the women's world is: I can't be allowed until I was allowed, and it was repeated and clear.

The men's narrative is: I can do anything until I stop it, and it is repeatedly stopped until I pay an unbearable price.

A typical example is that Wang Sicong chased Sun Yining before.

Sun Yining had told Wang Sicong many times that he was not interested in him, didn't want to see him, and didn't want to be his girlfriend, but Wang Sicong couldn't hear it at all.

Until Sun Yining exposed the chat history and teared her face, Wang Sicong understood that she was really boring to herself.

This is not only "Wang Sicong". Most of the men around ordinary women are so.

I have encountered one online. I scold him every day, but he can still find me in various ways. I said that there is no possibility to him, but he said:

"I think we are very likely, because you don't scold others, you only scold me like this, this is a preference, you can't feel it for me."

I really amazing.

Picture source: TV series "My Genius Girlfriend"

The world of men is indeed the case. Before the cost that cannot be tolerated, it is "I can".

Women are cautious. Before they are clearly allowed, they are all "I can't."

The differences between the two thinking are fundamentally caused by two very different gender situations-

You have your hills, I have my calamity, and men and women are besieged in their respective gender.

Distorted women

One day, I saw a promotional poster on the wall of the hospital, which reads:

"Free pain is the basic right of patients."

This sentence caused a earthquake in my heart, and it made me feel so fresh.

I have always had various diseases of chronic pain, but I never thought that I could have the right to have the right.

If it is basic right to avoid pain, can the menstrual pain of women be exempted?

If dysmenorrhea is the basic right, why do all women be used to endure it?

So that when it comes to dysmenorrhea, someone will say, "Drink more hot water, just tolerate it."

Why are there so many patients with dysmenorrhea, but there is no special treatment department?

Even why even the child's pain to the extreme, it seems that it should be, necessary, not complained, and no need to be exempted?

I suddenly realized that these are actually violence, and they are telling women: your feelings are not important.

There is also more common physical violence, which is a humiliation of women's body, appearance, and sexual value.

"You shouldn't be so fat."

"You want to be whiter."

"To wear this underwear, it looks more plump, and it looks thinner and more‘ cold ’.”

... ...

These are telling women: your body does not belong to you.

Although I started to use gender perspectives consciously from these three or five years, understanding the differences between the sexes, since I know that I am a girl, and even then I may not have memories.

I believe the same is true of other women.

At the moment you are born, the doctor picks you up, patted his butt and said, "Wow, is a big fat son", or "a little princess".

At that time, the reaction that everyone around you was already doing gender education for you.

Some dads saw that they were a girl, and they were faint on the spot; some mothers immediately shed tears and said, "Why are they a girl?"

Is he a child who was expected, and the girl was aware of it very early.

When you grow up, adults teach children to know their bodies, and see the little boy and say:

"You see this is your little ears, nose, small mouth, this is your small hand, small arm, this is your little ** (privacy part), your calves, small feet ..."

But when teasing the little girl, they would say:

"This is your little eyes, small ears, this is your little arm, small hand, and small belly button. This is your calf, small feet ..."

At that moment, the girl couldn't speak and couldn't recognize words, but she knew that there was a taboo on her body.

What are the secrets that are more shameful than a certain part of your body?

Picture source: TV series "My Genius Girlfriend"

This is the beginning of our identity of our women, and it is also the beginning of being concealed and restrained.

Based on this, most of the female visitors I met, most of the dedicated depression, I gave it a name called "female depression".

They came to me and they took the same question- "I don't have this feeling?"

Because the education they have experienced are telling them:

You don't know what you feel.

You know what you feel, but you shouldn't have that feeling.

You can feel it, but you shouldn't say it.

You feel, but your feeling is not important.

These all point to "You should not" not allow "and" not allowed ", and all real feelings are wiped away.

For example, before the domestic violence women asked, "Is this my problem?" They would ask: "Is I encountered domestic violence?"

When feelings are blurred, women do not know if they are hurt, which is common in daily life.

Picture source: TV series "My Genius Girlfriend"

The little girl in the kindergarten was tipped. She cried and she was sad, but the adult told her that "people like you", how did she distinguish the harm?

The normal violence of women's suffering is to use this as the soil.

From the inside to the outside, the female violence is created.

No one said what they said, to say 300 times in a word, and if they shouted and smashing things, some people realized that women were voicing.

They are violent, and some people will say, "Did you mess with him?" "The family can bear it."

Women's life is "distorted". I don't know how to define their bodies and feelings, so as to enter a "spiritual collapse".

Some of them may look good, but they will still be depressed and unhappy.

Really "one step forward"

I listened to a visitor and said:

"I can't see the role models who understand life, travel, and make accounts. They are anxious at a glance. All their photos and videos are telling me that I am not living right."

Of course, I believe that women must be drumped by these examples of bloggers, so as to "step forward" and make some kind of action that makes her feel better.

But at the same time, there must be other people who feel that these glittering things are trained, condemned, and criticized, but they usually do not make a sound.

Of course, those who actively actively and make many changes are of course, and it has formed a torrent.

It is impossible to take a step forward, and it is also the true feelings and choices of some women.

It is just that there are too few sounds that encourage women to say real feelings, and they are more required.

But to meet the requirements of the outside world, it is endless.

Picture source: TV series "My Genius Girlfriend"

You can imagine such a woman. She has to deal with many people for a long time and accept the requirements of the sound from all directions, and these sounds must be conflict.

Someone let her be careful, and some people make her bold;

This incident made her speak carefully, and that project made her boldly open wheat.

I think all the girls should have heard one saying: You'd better be a civil servant, doctor, teacher ...

This is a requirement for many people to become a "wife" in the future.

But on the other hand, women were educated and college, and they saw many successful women living in various ways.

They say that girls' lives are more than that, don't just stabilize, and imagine more possibilities.

Today's requirements for women are:

If you are both a professional woman and a Almighty housewife; you must take all responsibilities and be emotional, and the years are quiet.

There are tears that are fighting between left and right.

Her self was shaking in these tears and shaking to a certain extent, and it was broken.

In the next step, it may be depression.

Therefore, I would be so vigilant about "one step forward", alert to packaging into the proposed order, and be careful to suggest hidden behind it.

I think that women really take a step forward, not to live as a kind of independent and beautiful successful women.

Instead, you firmly believe that you are right, no matter how you choose, you must have your truth, and you have the right to go back after choosing.

This "one step forward" is the subjectivity and interpretation right of a person, which does not allow liberation to become a new bundling.

Picture source: TV series "My Genius Girlfriend"

There are violence, twisted, and deception around us. I also have a huge anger in this world, I want to do something I think right.

For example, when I saw a man urinating on the road, I stopped. Even when I did this for the first time, I was ready to fight, but it was really cool after stopping him.

Of course, sometimes I just don't want to cool. Today I don't think I love this world. It is not worthwhile to do anything here. I choose to swing and do nothing.

The point is, I know my choice is right.

Some time before, several violence on women happened. Like my visitors, I was inevitably angry and disappointed. It seemed to have been touched all the trauma experiences in the past.

At the time of the most difficult "beating incident", I will open the videos of President Zhang Guimei for a while to take a break in the middle of the 20 -minute rest time in the middle of each section.

I saw that she was doing the same thing day after day, sending the girls out of the mountains, and the girls who were sent out by her to the college entrance examination were different.

Picture source: People's Daily

But more often I will remind myself: I am very good, I don't have to be perfect.

As a woman, we are not destroyed by those cruel things, which is already a matter of forever.

The road of women has never had a correct and successful answer.

Remember, one step forward is to get back your right, your choice, and it will always be right.

Light at the end of the text [watch]+[like], encourage together.

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