Night reading | "I care too much about the views of others? What a coincidence, I am too"

Author:Chinese network Time:2022.09.02

Source: CCTV News (ID: cctvnewscenter)

Edit: Lei Yuqi (internship)

This article is reproduced, if there are copyright issues, please contact [email protected]

We want to affirm and recognize so that we are often harsh on ourselves.

I always feel that some things can be done better, I always feel that some regrets have not been filled, and I always feel that it seems that the views of others are more important.

One by one, "always feels", let us look farther and farther from ourselves.

If you take a look at our daily happiness and troubles, you may find:

What bring us happiness is often the gratitude, encouragement and affirmation of others, so that you are full of passion and motivation.

Conversely, the troubles that bring us troubles often originate from "unpleasant intersections" with others.

for example:

My roommate's response to you is not eager to have the past, making you feel: "Did she have any opinions on me?"

Lovers disagree with your life arrangements and let you mutter: "Is he angry with me?"

Colleagues veto your plan and make you depressed: "Everyone must feel that I can't do it."

In terms of rationality, you may know that the other party is not intentional, just talk about things, but it is still easy to "narrow" and indulge in worrying.

These "your own and your own pull" make you suffer from "emotional fatigue".

It's time to change.

Keep the greatest goodwill to believe

Look at the mountain side to become a peak, and look at the problem from another angle.

Put down the cognitive filter and try to understand each other with good thoughts. I believe that the other party is positive and positive and wants to solve the problem.

When others blame you, instead of thinking that "he deliberately embarrassed me", it is better to think that "his misunderstanding comes from the poor information exchange", and then find a way to solve this knot.

This will be a way to solve practical problems than "disorderly speculation".

What's more, most of the people you hurt for the gods will not appear in your next life.

Therefore, what can be explained with objective facts should not be risen to intention.

It's easy to be relaxed by yourself.

A evaluation ≠ All you

The value of a person is composed of multiple aspects.

In other words: the so -called "you", including you at work, you in your family, you in the eyes of lovers, you in the eyes of friends ... These are likely to be different.

They add up to make up all the "you".

At any time, others' evaluation and judgment of "you" only involve the current occasions, just "part of you", not "all you".

This means that you may not meet the standards and requirements in a certain aspect, but on the other hand, it may be very good.

When being attacked and denied, put others' opinions into a specific area, and do not deny the overall self.

Darkness is another kind of cleverness

In the same situation, the sensitivity of two people is different, and the impact is different.

Sensitive people will pay attention to many subtle places, and it is easy to fluctuate outside the world, producing a strong "inner feelings", which is a type of group that is particularly easy to be submerged by emotions.

The blunt person is better at dealing with changes and pains calmly.

There are five "iron laws" in the blunt feeling, namely: quickly forgetting unpleasant things; identifying the goal, even if you fail to challenge; face rumors frankly; Do not enter the ruler, you must not forget the shape.

Only by being unwilling and trivial, and from various negative emotions, can we come up with more energy to promote the development of the matter.

In the workplace, you will find that those who really go steadily and far away must be those who are good at business and blunt trivial.

Accept an imperfect self

Many people around us have stereotypes since our childhood, that is, to become the "child of someone else's family" in the eyes of adults.

In the long run, it has gradually formed the criteria of others to look at yourself and try to meet the expectations of others.

for example:

Can't "lose to" others, lose face, but also laugh by others;

Can't be ugly or do something wrong, leaving a bad impression on others;

Can't refuse others, otherwise you may be hated and alienated ...

Throw away these "perfect people" labels, you just need to be yourself.

The so -called acceptance is to admit that you have limited and deficiencies, are not blame, and do not degrade yourself; it is not a big deal to reconcile with yourself where you are "unsatisfactory". This is part of my true part.

Moreover, the more you experience, the more you will find: everyone is busy with themselves and can't catch it. There are really not so many audiences around you. You don’t need to "act" to see it for hypothesis. it is good.

What is your life?

Too much care of others' opinions, in the final analysis, is that the heart is not firm enough, not knowing what you want, and not sure whether the current direction and choice are correct.

Out of some kind of cowardice, we hidden ourselves in the crowd and swayed in the chaotic opinions of others, so as to avoid the risks brought by personalized opinions.

If you want to live and free, you need to calm down alone, re -examine the direction and road in front of you, and listen to whether the sound of the deep inside is calm and firm.

Knowing which kind of life is yearning, just to pursue, approach, and realize it.

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