The marriage direction of the only child: 57% of the post -90s divorce rate is as high as 57%

In recent years, the post -90s couple have joined the divorce army.

According to a survey data from the Chinese Population Survey Agency, the divorce rate of young people in the post -90s was as high as 56.7%! In addition, the proportion of divorce in the post -80s and 90s reached 51%, and the proportion of divorce after the prosecution reached 61%...

Why is the divorce rate of young people so high?

The older generation said it was difficult to understand. They thought that young people did not know how to cherish their families. Marriage in their era was like shoes. When they were broken, they would only think about how to repair it, and now young people will only think of changing a pair.

In fact, this statement is no longer accurate, and the end of the marriage often has its inherent cause.

Some people say that the inner movement is emotional, character, and contradiction between mother -in -law and mother -in -law ...

The world -renowned "Birth order theory" research field is a great successor, and the well -known psychologist of the United States -Kevin Leman, who has practiced 40 years of practice tells us that these are all appearances!

01

The marriage of the only child is affected by the ranking

Over the years, Kevin Lyman has been consulting thousands of husbands and wives, and found that those husband and wife relationships are the most unstable, confrontation, and derogation of each other. Often both parties are boss. It's right.

The relationship between them is not a real marriage. The real marriage is that the two sides are attractive to each other, can share each other, and eventually integrate into a whole. And they are like two goats, fighting constantly, or stiffing there for something, and no one will retreat.

Why do they do something wrong? everything. The nature of the boss and the only child is to pursue perfection and be sure of everything. There is a rural song that sings like this: "You like this, and I like that." Said too.

There was a couple who was also the boss, and the first 10 to 20 minutes of the consultation was always quarreling, and Kevin Lyman sat there and listened. Finally, he couldn't bear to bombard them out.

Kevin Lyman said: "This consultation is not charged today. I am uncomfortable, and I have listened to your two noise. Think about it when you go home. If you think about it, you want to maintain this marriage, and then come to find it again. I! "

This time because of the quarrel, it was a bit unprepared to bomb them out, but in some special circumstances, Kevin Leman felt that this approach was still necessary. For about a month, there was no news of the couple, he murmured in his heart: "Lyman, this time, you are getting angry, they will not come back anymore." But a few days later, they played again Call to make an appointment. This time they did not quarrel (at least not in front of me).

What's going on? They just made a small decision and no longer touched it. More precisely, they decided not to hurt each other with language violence. They always fight in trivial matter (typical perfectionism), but these trivial matters of these trivial matters crazy.

Often, when they drive to a certain place, they are "handed in" in the car. As the boss's husband is driving, when he wants to get on the high speed, he chooses to take another way he is familiar with. At this time, the boss's wife will say, "Why do we turn here? ? "

"I have always been this way." The husband replied.

"Oh, you should turn back on Elm Street," his wife replied, "a lot of near."

We didn't get any practical progress before. Later, I asked them a simple question: "You are always blaming each other. Who is the winner? Who is stronger?"

They looked at each other and said, "No one won."

"That's certain!" I said. Then I told them that their birth rankings at home were the same. Once they know that the two bosses are very unstable, they must learn to make concessions and accept each other.

When sending them away, Kevin Lyman gave them some suggestions: "Remember, don't be angry all day, communicate with two people before going to bed every night. If one party stabs on a small matter, the other party must learn to learn Humor, smile. Also, next time you go to the high speed on Elm Street! "

Over the years, Kevin Lyman has made a lot of consultations to those who pursue the perfection. Basically, it is the kind of problem that the problem will not be solved. Marriage will immediately collapse. But the marriage between the two middle children or two old groups may also fail.

If you don't want your marriage to bear risks, remember a principle (but not a standard): Don't marry someone like yourself. If you want to make your marriage happier, you are looking for a partner outside your ranking.

02

The advantages and troubles brought by the ranking

Kevin Lyman told us the different personalities of different rankings in his book "Leading Boss, Diplomat's Second Elderly, Salesman Laosen" in detail.

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1. Ranking boss and only children

Some words used to describe the boss or only children, such as perfectionist, reliable, methodical, strict, angry, self -sacrificing spirit, rules and regulations, abide by the law, and self -reliance, etc., so that the boss always drinks more ink than others. of. Boss often achieves outstanding results in their professional fields, because they have a strong desire for success and hope to get the recognition of others.

Boss or only children are actually perfectionism, but many of them's perfectionists have been covered up, and they cannot be seen on the surface. Perfectism is the main problem for the boss and only children. It's a curse to say unpleasant; to listen to it, it is also a heavy burden. Although the old boss, who is working hard, is willing to work and take care of others, there are another type of boss. They are confident, strong, stubborn, and have high achievements. These self -confident bosses are often big goals and eager to become leaders in a certain field.

Although many bosses are outstanding leaders outside, they often pay the price for this persistent personality. Unless family or friendship breaks down, family or friends must be oppressed often.

In fact, this is almost a row, especially for the boss. Those character and abilities that allow you to succeed in the company, church or other organizations often have the opposite effect when dealing with the relationship with your closest person.

2. Children in the middle

There are fewer children in the middle than the boss and the old and young, but fortunately, they can basically figure out their overall characteristics.

It was not that they felt that they were born too late, and there was no way to have some special treatment like the boss; that is, I felt that I came out too early and could not be loved by their parents like the old and the young.

The range of "middle" covers is too wide, which is one of the reasons for these mysteries. The standard middle child can be the second, or the third of the four children, or the fourth of the fourth children, or the fourth child, which is too likely.

When it comes to middle children, the most critical factor is always affecting the "branch effect" of the family. The second child will treat the boss as his own role model, and see how the boss does it, and go back to do it by himself. Because my brother or sister is usually stronger and smarter than them, of course, it is taller, and when the second child can not imitate, it will develop in other directions.

However, if they feel that they can catch up with their brothers or sisters, they will continue to imitate. When the middle child has enough ability to compete with the boss, the "role interchange" is generated, and this is mentioned in the previous ranking variables.

No matter when the second child was born, his lifestyle depends on his view of his brother and sister.

3. The youngest oldest in ranking

Although Lao Xiao is the youngest at home, he will never allow himself to become the most unrelated member.

Lao Xiao is usually a happy magician to regulate the atmosphere. At the same time, they are rich in feelings, simple, and a little carelessness. They often come up with a sentence: "What are you talking about? What are you worried about?" This kind of confused words and deeds usually get a helpless smile or shake their heads.

Lao Xiao is the person who likes to make the limelight at the elementary school concert, and also likes those who deliberately decorate those carefully decorative venues at the picnic venue at the main Sunday school. They are always a bit different from others.

Of course, most of the old and small characters also have a dark side. In addition to extroverted, kindness and simplicity, they also have a rebellious, emotional, arrogant, impatient and impetuous side.

As the old age at home, it can be pleasant and flattering, but the other side is willful and rebellious and difficult to get along. They sometimes are energetic, passionate, and sometimes feel very empty and helpless. On Monday, I felt on the top of the world, but on Tuesday, I felt as if it had fallen into the bottomless abyss.

03

What kind of ranking makes marriage happier?

In the study of Kevin Lyman, he found that the marriage of the boss and the boss may fight each other and degrade each other, which may be very bad; The evaders will start to escape the problem, and finally escape each other; the marriage between the old and the old and the old and the older is not the best choice. Maybe they will be happy together, but once they get married, they will have the possibility of bankruptcy.

So what kind of ranking can achieve a happy and happy marriage?

According to Kevin Lehman's consultation experience, we have concluded that if you want to be happy in marriage, you must find someone who is far away from himself, and the farther the better.

Different ranking can not only attract each other, but also benefit the development of marriage life.

Of course, please keep in mind that the combination of these rankings will definitely be happy or failed. The key is that we can get some commonality to help couples solve the possible crisis.

1. The only child and the old child should be the best partner

According to a survey result of a 3,000 family, the boss combined with the old and the elderly, and the probability of creating a happy marriage was high. 2 This is a typical difference, and the two sides complement each other. The old general meeting taught some details of the old and small, such as doing things and goals; and old and young will make old universities living easily, not too serious. The boss and the old Xiao Xiao happened to be complementary.

As the boss, women are generally mother -in -law, and men who are old and young need motherly love. I am very lucky to become my elder sister Sally. She often takes care of me and taught me some things about women. For example, she said that girls do not like those boys who love to show off. The gangs are ganged with each other, laughing at each other, laughing loudly, and often doing stupid things. She also said that girls like those boys who are gentle, polite, and understanding people, and can be a good audience.

2. The middle child and the elderly mean that the communication is smooth

According to Kevin Lyman's research on rankings, the combination of middle -aged children and the old young man has a high probability of becoming a happy marriage. The middle children are very suitable for negotiation and compromise, which is very suitable for social experts such as old and primary schools. This sounds ridiculous, but in fact, this kind of combination is easy to say in the marriage and make communication smooth. I said before that the children in the middle were unwilling to say their feelings, but that was the situation with the boss. If they combined with the old little boss, there would be no sense of crisis.

04

The impact of the ranking is everywhere. Most US presidents are the boss of the family, or the "generation" boss; many successful entrepreneurs are middle children; most comedians are old -fashioned ... This is the secret of ranking.

But this kind of thing is not absolute. The ranking will not determine everything. It is just one instruction. You can refer to it to deal with some problems. Regardless of your ranking and spouse, what is important is to change your shortcomings with your own strength.

There is no mystery to make your marriage happiness, but it is not a simple matter. Understanding the characteristics of their own ranking and their lover is only the first step in life happiness.

Before the marriage, the wind and snowy moon, after the marriage, the rice oil and salt. The happiness of marriage is not enough to love each other, and two people work together to operate in order to accompany them.

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