I look very good with the "mask", but the one I want to say is actually saving me

Author:Simple psychology Time:2022.06.19

This article tells the road of healing that lasted for four years.

Through several important time nodes across the author's life, we showed us the author's "blindly wanting to commit suicide" to "learning to love yourself".

Let's take a look at what kind of changes did the consultation and time bring to her, and how to make her life gradually bloom.

If you always feel lonely, you have lived with a mask like the author. I believe this article will definitely bring you comfort.

At the end of this article, we also set up the entrance to the "psychological medical examination" service. If you are also a very positive person who pretend to be very positive, behind a lively and cheerful heart, a lonely heart is hidden. Perhaps our "psychological medical examination" service can help you to prove the current emotion and psychological state.

If you are willing to try, you can pull down articles to enter the service.

Pomegranate:

—— Write four years ago

Mainly because of my parents 'relationship plus other reasons, my emotional isolation is mainly due to my parents' relationship. Slowly the relationship was blocked, and I couldn't cry.

From high school, all emotions are light and no longer.

When you should be happy, such as watching movies organized in the evening class every weekend. Or when you are sad, for example, when your parents are in front of me, when I have a cold war or quarrel.

I can't obviously understand that emotion, and only what I can feel is numb.

I used to pretend to be very positive.

Seemingly active and good students, strive to maintain a good image in front of others. It is very polite to parents and colleagues.

Because I have always showed the image, others probably think that I am a girl who is well -behaved and unknown, and the grades have always been good.

But the black hole in my heart is getting bigger and bigger. Living in me is like boiling frogs in warm water, and I have obtainedly wiped off my life.

Lice under the gorgeous robe

Slowly began to be depressed, and I didn't realize it at the beginning.

My dad noticed it first. He really cared about me. It may be as a family, and he could obviously notice that my state was wrong.

At that time, I rarely communicated with my classmates and teachers in the class. Although the classmates were very good, I felt very lonely at school.

After returning home, I closed the door tightly. I didn't talk to my dad very much, and I was often in a bad mood when facing him. He is probably noticed.

So about one day, my dad secretly contacted the consultant.

Later, he almost "coaxed" and took me to see, only to say that he had something wrong with his own psychology, and let me provide some situation as a family member.

At the scene, a consultant asked some of my family situation, and I truthfully informed it.

Later, I found out that I couldn't remember it, but I did not resist psychological counseling.

Even at that time, I realized that I was wrong. If my dad did not take me to consult, I would secretly find a psychological counselor myself.

Then, I slowly started to consult stable. My consultant was a woman who was slightly larger than my dad. I was used to calling her teacher.

For the first consultation, I was very careless.

Because it was a remote voice consultation, I didn't talk to her one by one, and I had forgotten it.

But after that, she always felt that she was like my mother. The look like a middle -aged woman said something.

I want to come now, at some moment, she should be inappropriate to deal with it.

I was very defensive at that time, because she always said at the time: Children of your age would be ...

And I will feel that she does not think about my dilemma from my perspective, as if it is not important, or the age of age.

And calling me "kid" makes me feel disgusted, making me feel that I am not respectful. Perhaps these just touched my point, because I was trapped in the cage of a good child at the time.

I resisted, so I didn't say my deep thoughts.

I think I only need to use those positive descriptions to deal with her, making her feel that I am pretty good. As for my original thoughts, I seemed to be afraid to touch it.

At that time, I felt that the age difference between us was a bit big, and some young people knew that things could not communicate. In short, I felt that it was not appropriate. I didn't focus on the process of chatting with her.

In the next semester of high school, it became serious.

I started to feel that I couldn't support it, but looking at it, I felt that there was no one who could tell and help me. I even told my family that my state could not be opened.

Later, I finally told my dad that I wanted to consult face to face.

Because my condition worsen, I can't stand it anymore. It is entirely unable to persist by the willpower, and learning is almost impossible to persist. It takes a lot of energy to read a paragraph to understand the meaning.

There is also the anxiety about the college entrance examination, which makes my heart beat faster and very uncomfortable.

I also experienced a fierce ideological struggle before I decided to consult face -to -face consultation, but in the end I still felt that I needed to take this step, at least I told others about others, and I was eager to live after all.

Finally drum the courage to see you

I didn't tell my dad why I went, but he should also notice my state.

My dad asked me to take a leave, drove me, and I saw her for the first time at this time.

At that time, I was doing a psychological test. She walked into the room and greeted me briefly and took me to the consultation room.

She said that it was me when I heard the sound, and I said my voice was nice. I found that although she seemed to be old, she actually had a good temperament, a great clothes, and a quiet personality. It was not like a middle -aged woman I imagined.

She asked me why I came, I said truthfully, I think I am depressed. Because, even in remote consultation, I dare not explain myself.

Then she did some guidance for me.

After I went back, the consultation regularly became a self -study every Monday. At that time, I would always ask for leave home.

Once, she accidentally recommended another consultant to me, saying that there were many children who had taught a lot of fast college entrance examinations. They felt good and asked if I would like to try it. I agreed.

The new consultant is a young female teacher, and I am very happy to talk.

One time, I said to her directly: I think you are more suitable for me. Because she respects my thoughts more and feels more equal with her.

The previous consultant always made me feel like getting along with my parents, making me even more uncomfortable.

I said, you will do it for me in the future.

She said she would deal with it.

Later, it was really her.

Later, the college entrance examination was barely, but the summer vacation did not get better. Instead, it was even more serious. I still did not have the most desperate thoughts in my heart.

Although I didn't want to realize it, I could hardly support it at that time. It can be said that at that time, I was just a front line from death, and it was either dead or crazy.

Although I did not mention it to the consultant, the idea of my survival was still, and I asked my dad to take me to a mental health center in the provincial capital.

After the hospitalization, the hospital environment was good. The consultation room of their work was also in that city. I started to consult again, but there were more groups.

It was also the first consultant to know that I told me after being hospitalized:

Perhaps others feel that there is a problem with the "spirit" of the people in the hospital, but what they don't know is that this is really a good way to rest away from the old environment.

That summer, I experienced a lot and many, trying to be a new self.

The aggressiveness of the consultant is the real me

Later, in the late summer, for many days, the state was still repeated.

One time I was in a bad state to go to personal consultation, the teacher at the beginning. I finally dared to tell the deepest thoughts in my heart.

I said, in fact, I really want to die because it is really painful, but I promise you to live well for the time being.

I said, I will persist, don't worry.

After that, I stared quietly at her eyes, and suddenly her feelings came into my heart.

I slowly started practicing the real thoughts at that time, and I told her that I was going to express some of my aggressive things.

I started to say that the impression of her was not good at first, but later I found that this was not like this.

The impression of her was in front of her. I was lying on the chair. She sat next to me and spoke tenderly to me.

After listening, she said a little heavily, is this your aggressiveness? If you look at my eyes, you know that what you say is very euphemistic, and I don't feel uncomfortable.

She looked at me sincerely.

As I said, I couldn't help crying, and later I cried more and more.

Her eyes were red, and said, you said that I cried.

Later, I barely stopped crying, and we had talked for two hours at that time.

She said before that even if it was expressed by negative emotions, it was not the same as it was not expressed, because if you observed it carefully, you would feel that emotions began to flow in your body.

Later, she told me that when I was consulting at first, if I didn't know my situation, I heard that I described all beautiful things, and I would really think that I was a normal sunshine child.

She said she had been waiting.

The above is only part of my life. Of course, life is more complicated than these.

That summer, countless times could not be seen, but because of some accidents, Liu Dianhua was bright, and he had some hope.

Consultation changed my way of thinking

Since the two -hour conversation, I sent them a message saying temporarily interrupted the consultation.

I didn't know why I thought about it, but at the time I felt that I was enough to analyze myself in the consultation.

I have learned about my symptoms: a "fake me" built in parents and elders and others. Good children and good students must maintain excellence.

This is the case for so many years, but I grew up but gradually discovered that this is not what I want to be. Coupled with a good class, I realized that I was not "excellent", and the grades were only middle and lower reaches in the class.

The "fake me" I supported was collapsed. This me, my communication with others is to maintain that excellent and obedient image, and this is also the core belief of my fake.

Once I was shattered, I don't know if I don't want to be the former me, but I don't know what I should look like.

Including thinking, behavior, ideals, and values, it seems to change.

Therefore, I fell into a huge confusion and depression, because there was no clear and stable self.

Maybe they gave me the power to let me face the real self. Maybe I had the power to find the true shape of my soul after many times crying and struggling.

Anyway, I don't have much desire to consult, and I have never seen it since then.

That summer, when I was desperate, I wrote:

The ultimate significance of life is to try. I chose to use my teenage life to be irreversible. Maybe it would be true in the future until this right was taken away by time. I think the biggest change to me is to provide emotional support and venting and another way of thinking.

Through consultation, I sometimes think: I can think so.

Sometimes changing to a way of thinking, I feel that I actually have many choices.

At that time, when I was not close to my parents, the consultation could also let me pour my negative emotions, which was extremely important for me at the time.

Thank you for my consultants.

In my twenties, I said to my teens, "It's okay"

—— Write a year ago

I accidentally found this text from a memorandum. In fact, I have forgotten many details, and I have a lot of emotions.

Fortunately, my life in my early twenties is no longer irreversible, and the time can really change a lot. I am moved and grateful.

During college, I changed a lot, and I gradually had the strength in my heart. With the gradual clear cognition of myself, these were not before.

In fact, it has not reached the level of the so -called normal person, or the state of my illness before, but I believe that in my life, I will slowly heal. Life is the best trial field.

I went to see the former consultant again a year or two, and found that there was no "heart movement" (laugh), but still very kind.

After that, I haven't seen each other for a long time.

Because I am now capable of healing myself in the practice of life, I don't need psychological counseling. However, if I encounter the trouble I can't solve in the future, I will still ask for help.

This process is slow and there is no obvious dividing boundary. If there is a turning point, maybe it was the consultation I revealed suicide thoughts.

Now I can basically have the rhythm of normal life. I get used to writing a diary. When I encounter something that makes me emotional, I will analyze my thoughts, which is very helpful for me.

I started to love myself and accept what I was like.

This is not easy, it costs countless hardships.

I do n’t know how others do it, but I am because of the instinct of survival and the severe pain I have experienced. I ca n’t bring the strength of the pain. It is my confrontation with pain to bring me a lot of strength and gain.

I started to become confident. Most of this firm self -confidence came from: I persisted in such a severe pain and despair. I was really amazing, not everyone could do it.

If we are struggling in the predicament, we must believe in the toughness of our innerness, and believe that: the long road is long, and there will be light in the end.

We would thank ourselves at that time.

By the way, my university also studies psychology, hahaha.

Finally, thank me for my consultants, but thanks to myself.

If you are like the author, your inner pain and loneliness are slow to be resolved. Perhaps our "psychological physical examination" service can help you more efficiently.

The "psychological medical examination" service can help you answer the puzzles such as "Is my situation serious" and "Can I get better?" After the physical examination is completed, the consultant will provide you with a suitable set of psychological health solutions. Training and so on.

This time, you may start with knowing yourself and change yourself.

Psychological medical examination service is reduced to 129 yuan

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