Chat from high emotional quotient, don’t just use your mouth

Asked a friend who has been a seven -year psychological counselor: "You have had so many cases of depression, is there any iconic changes in the early stage of depression?"

She thought about saying, "That should be -they feel that they are not important, and no one speaks."

Just a few days ago, a friend was angry. She quarreled with her mother. Although she knew that her mother was old and it was difficult to change her way of thinking. She had to understand her, but she still felt wronged.

She talked to her husband, her husband said, "I want to open, she is so old, what do you and her care about?"

In a word, she returned her belly bitter water.

When people are middle -aged, although family members are around, friends have a bunch of friends. You may be able to find people who accompany you to eat and go shopping at any time, but the most rare thing is that there is someone who is willing to listen to you.

Joe Gillard is known as "the greatest salesman in the world". At the age of 35, he went bankrupt and had a debt of up to $ 60,000.

In order to survive, he did a car sales. After 3 years, Joe Gerald sold 1425 cars a year, breaking the Guinness World Record of the car sales.

In the early stages of work, there was one thing to benefit him for life.

In a sales, when he was about to sign a contract with the client, the other party suddenly changed his hexagram.

He was unwilling. He asked the reason according to the address left by the client. The client saw him sincerely to tell the truth:

"Your failure is that you did not listen to me. Before I was about to sign the contract, I mentioned that my only son is about to go to college, and he has his outstanding sports performance and future ambitions. I am proud of him. But But you turned your head to talk to others, and I changed my mind as soon as I was annoyed. "

These words woke up Gillard. In the future, he will listen to the other party carefully to the customer, whether or not it is related to the sales, which has made him gain more trust and become the myth of the sales industry.

Good communication, half of the expression, half of the listening.

Listening is not only listening to the other party's words, nor is it that the other party has been venting, but he devotes himself to the conversation and feels the words and non -verbal information expressed in the other party's communication.

It needs to know how to grasp the scale of listening. When the other party talks with great interest, holding great enthusiasm, using its own eyes and body language to respond to each other.

Listening is not just listening to the ears, the eyes, brain, and heart are listening.

It allows listeners to enter the heart of the listener, so that the listener feels that he is understood and watched, and then he is willing to open up to the outside world.

Many people have a feeling in marriage. There is no derailment drama, no special contradictions, and the appearance looks like each other, but between the two people is always across a layer of curtains. You don't understand me, I don't understand you.

The most important reason is that there is one less person who is willing to listen. He never really listens to what the other person says, or he doesn't want to listen, or he is eager to express himself.

There is a saying: "We have learned to speak for a year, but we must learn to shut up with a lifetime."

Many people are teaching you how to speak high emotionally, and few people teach you to learn to listen.

If you have hostile work partners, a customer who is not good at communicating, and a unruly child, how can he let him talk to you?

Mark Guoson is a cross -border communication expert and a psychological authority of business. He has served as a special consultant of the FBI hostage negotiation. He said: "This challenge is very large, people have their own needs, desires, and intentions. They have your unknown secret secrets. . They are very stressed and busy, and they often feel that they have fallen into a big problem.

In view of this, they always make a barrier, making it difficult to approach, even if your purpose is consistent with them. "

In the book "Just Listen", he combined more than 30 years of clinical experience with the communication problems in business and life, and used simple and easy -to -understand languages ​​and a large number of real cases to thoroughly analyze the mystery of listening.

Mark Guo Shidun ｜ Chongqing Press

He summarized these principles into 9 core rules and taught us how to quickly deal with 7 common difficult problems.

include:

1. Treatment of emotions before handling things.

2. Clear the prejudice and start listening.

3. Let the other party feel your understanding.

4. Interested in others instead of prove that you are interesting.

5. Let others feel valuable.

6. Help others express depression.

7. Eliminate dislocation.

8. When the blankness is helpless, take the initiative to show weakness.

9. Stay away from "toxic".

The most difficult and important part of these is to temporarily put on holding their own needs, and use the empathy to integrate into the world of each other.

If you listen to the other party, you don't agree with his words, want to argue, try to suppress this impulse, and listen to him.

Only in this way can the other party think that they are respected, and it is meaningful to say that it will be more open to you.

The mistakes that we are easy to make is to pay too much attention to guidance and improve others, and interrupt others.

Maybe your starting point is really good and correct, but it makes the other party's resistance and make it difficult for communication to go on.

There is a case in the book. The Jackson couple who has been married for 55 years always talks because of daily trivial matters. Finally, Mrs. Jackson, who was in the year of the year, would leave home.

Mr. Jackson thinks his wife always picks her own thorns, "You just look at me, and deliberately target me."

In a quarrel, he said nothing: "I have enough, if you think I don't have good, why not go?" Mrs. Jackson also felt that she was wrong. For so many years, her husband ignored himself.

It turned out that for decades, the two have been indulging in their paranoid cognition, feeling that they are tolerating each other.

In fact, when people are emotionally excited, they will instinctively react their self -defense reactions, and judge that they have not been confirmed and have favorable to themselves.

The source of prejudice comes from both people who are unwilling to listen to each other.

In "Jane Ai", Rochester is a half -earth and knowledgeable aristocracy, and Jane Ai is a girl from poor and ordinary.

Rochester said that the most fascinating part of Jane Ai is: "Your cleverness is not to talk about yourself, but to listen to others and talk about yourself."

Jian Ai likes to listen to Rochester's speech. She walked into his thoughts with curiosity and joy and occupied his heart.

Different from expressing yourself, listening is not an innate ability, but a kind choice.

When he had the same bitter water to fall in his heart, he chose to be silent and listened to his friends to talk;

When he had countless channels that got new knowledge, he chose to trust you and understand the outside world through you ...

After hearing this sentence: The key to listening is to know that you don't know a lot of things.

A concentrated listening is the best recognition and respect for others, and it is also the best comfort.

Author | Covenant, write a good story of others, and live a good life.

Picture | Visual China, the Internet (if there is any infringement, please contact delete)

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