Nearly 60 % of the college students interviewed thought that they should delete contact information after breaking up

China Youth Network, Beijing, August 26 (Reporter Li Huaxi) After a couple broke up, some people will delete the contact information of the other party to completely cut off their contacts; others will choose to retain contact information and even occasionally contact to become ordinary friends. So, do you want to delete contact information after breaking up?

Recently, the Chinese Youth Network Campus News Agency launched a questionnaire survey for "whether to delete contact information after breaking up" and facing 17,697 college students across the country. The results show that 10114 people choose to choose, accounting for 57.15%; 7583 people choose not, account for no, account for no, account for no, account for no, account for no, account for no, account for no, account for no, account for no, account for no, account for no, account 42.85%.

Deleting contact information after breaking up is a respect for the new appointment, and also a responsible manifestation

Wang Wei, a college student of Anhui, believes that after breaking up, he should take the initiative to delete the other party's contact information. She said that although the "method of deleting the connection between each other" is the result of the interaction between the couple, if one of them has a new lover, it must delete the former contact information as early as possible. Essence

But in real life, she said that she still needs to make a decision. If she proposes to break up, she will not take the initiative to delete the contact information. If it is the party that is broken up, she will actively delete it.

"If two people can't be together, I think it needs to delete contact information." Dong Yong, Henan University students, also agreed with Wang Wei's point of view. He said that after breaking up, he left the other party's hopeless behavior. Deleting would hurt the other party, but long pain is not as good as short pain, and sooner or later you need to come out.

Dong Yong has experienced this kind of experience. In the previous relationship, because they often quarreled with their lover, they later accumulated more negative emotions. The last two broke up. After breaking up, the other party deleted his contact information, but he was hesitant.

"I was sad at that time, I couldn't sleep at night, and I wanted to reunite this relationship." After he slowly walked out of the pain, he calmed down and deleted the other party's contact information.

Dong Yong has made some summaries for that relationship. He suggested that friends who are experiencing breaking up. After breaking up, remember not to be tangled. Those who really love themselves will not be willing to let themselves go alone. "If you are broken up, you can sit down and calm down. Think about what you get and lose in this relationship. Washing your face and makeup still face life and reality. Forget slowly. "

You can also be friends after breaking up, as long as you get along with each other

Hunan University student Shen Mengchen believes that there is no need to delete contact information after breaking up. She said that since everyone had decided to break up peacefully at the beginning, it was reasonable to see the inappropriateness between the two. "But the reason why they could be together must also be the point where they could attract each other. You can be friends, there is no need to delete the contact information. "

Her high school friends fell in love during middle school, and later broke up for some reasons. After breaking up, I became a very good friend. "Holidays will go out to play together, and they are also very happy. They will not be embarrassing between the two. I think this is the best and most rational way to deal with it after breaking up."

Shen Mengchen said that two people later had new lover, but still maintained a friend relationship. She said that after breaking up, she can be friends, but she must also grasp the proportion and get along with her predecessors.

Experts: After breaking up, from pain to growth include three cycles, the answers and practices of each stage are different

Chen Juan, an associate professor, a master's tutor, a national second -level psychological counselor, and a registered psychologist of the Chinese Psychological Society, said that after the couple broke up, it included three cycles after breaking up. The answers and methods of contact information may be different at each stage.

The first is the sensitive period. In the sensitive period, individuals will experience the five stages of sadness, anger, compromise, depression, and acceptance of them. The greater the breakup damage, the more intense the reaction.

At the denying stage, the individual is in a shock, and he will try to avoid seeing the truth. He feels that breaking up is just a joke. The couple has not separated, and the other party is still his lover, which will cause a series of silly and entanglement behaviors. "The isolation at this time is very important, and you can think calmly for each other."

In the anger stage, individuals will be difficult to realize that the decoration of peace may not work, and the breakup does happen. This damage can easily stir up its own defense, and use anger to fill the cruel truth. "Why do you break up with me?" All kinds of stimulus that I saw may cause stress reactions. Various words or behaviors inward or outward may occur at this stage.

In the compromise stage, I personally found that an angry attack could not force the other party to change their minds, and instead "curved the curve to save the country". It may also be swallowed by the endless "if ... ...", and continuously humbled or even dedicated to sacrifice under the expectation of virtual expectations to exchange for the result of not breaking up. "This pseudo -constructiveness can easily make people confused and softened, resulting in the phenomenon of 'composite'. But because the compromises at this time often only focus on the result of not breaking up, regardless of the reason for breaking up. Therefore, even if it will reunite, it will still be still compounded. Will eventually break up again because of the reasons for the previous breakup. "

In the depression stage, individuals finally realized that the breakup happened, and the intimacy of the other party never came back, and the other party left his life forever. At this time, you may be painful, low, numb, or even despair. “但唯有这种，我们才能启动深入的思考，思考'怎么了？为什么？怎么办？'等议题，破釜沉舟，绝处逢生，最终引发改变，迎来最后一个阶段。”在接受阶段， Individuals eventually accepted the fact that they couldn't do anything, but they realized that this was just an episode of individual life journey, and allowed themselves to continue to move forward with pain and experience, and continued to complete integration and healing during the way.

The second is the strange period. Chen Juan said that when in love, intimacy often occupies a lot of self. When the individual completes the five stages of sorrow and the facts of the breakup and complete the separation, these spaces will form a huge empty hole, and new things need to be filled in.

"At this time, we look back and look at ourselves again, often feel like a passage." She believes that when individuals can once again put their energy on their own academic, career, hobbies, family and friendship, etc., they can gradually expand The new life has no "predecessor" and is familiar with it. "So, I also chose to develop a new self and become a new individual with old traces. At this time, facing the predecessor, that is, the most familiar stranger. Everything about the other party may sigh, But I can't stand the inner wave again. "

The third is the reconstruction period. Chen Juan said that when the mourning of intimate breaks has been completed, when those restorations, settings, and restart have been integrated, individuals will enter the choice of reconstruction period. This choice is more conducive to the weighing of life. If the two parties who broke up are no longer, there is no need to connect with each other, then at this time, keeping the distance or even "old death is not related", which is more decent for all aspects.

"But if you need to maintain other relationships besides the relationship of couples, then you need to rebuild a new story from the separation." She said that if a couple developed by her classmates, she may have to break up after breaking up. Back to the relationship between classmates, explore a way to get along with each other; for example, the two who have children who have children who have children are no longer husband and wife, but they can still be the best parents of their children to explore how to be better in the future. The cooperation mode of raising children. (At the request of the interviewees, Wang Wei, Dong Yong, and Shen Mengchen in the text were pseudonym)

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