"I, 50 years old, a post -doctorate of Peking University, lost contact for 20 years, my mother was in critical condition and refused home, who saw my scars?"

We are all wrong about affection.

If you have seen enough people, have heard enough stories, and experienced a short life, it is not difficult to make such a conclusion:

In China, the most painful scar and deepest concern of a person are all home.

Family and parents, siblings and children, couples and responsibilities, affection and contradictions, parting and regression, damage and cure, almost no one can escape.

Seeing the family too heavy (whether it is too deep or hate) is the "disease" that we generally have.

However, the "illness" of ordinary people, because of the lack of traffic, was covered under the sediment of life, becoming a garlic or shortness of parents.

The "illness" of special people was pushed into the public's vision because of its own halo, which became a hot topic or a relationship between public opinion.

For example, the incident of "Mother's illness, the post -doctoral of Peking University, who lost my contact for 20 years, refused to go home".

The post -doctoral incident of Peking University originated from the local media in Jiangsu:

Guo Qiaoyi, the mother of Changzhou, was lying on the bed with oxygen, shaking a dead branch, and told media reporters that before leaving, she couldn't let go of her 50 -year -old son -Wang Yongqiang.

Wang Yongqiang's mother who is critical

Wang Yongqiang, born in 1969, was born at the bottom and was talented. He was a school hegemony since he was a child.

After graduating from a master's degree in Suzhou University, he obtained the doctorate of the Chinese Academy of Sciences, and then made a postdoctoral at Peking University.

Wang Yongqiang's young photos

In 1999, Wang Yongqiang graduated from a post -doctoral graduation and went abroad with his wife.

According to his father Wang Jisheng, the night before going abroad, Wang Yongqiang also called his mother:

"Mom, for the need for work, I will take my wife to go abroad tomorrow. I will come back to visit you in two years."

As a result, this left has no news for 20 years.

His father Wang Jisheng said that in recent years, he and his wife have entered the old age. The wife's body is getting worse and worse, crying at home every day, thinking about his son, saying that he would see his son last before leaving.

Parents also took out the letter from Wang Yongqiang to the family while studying for a doctorate and post -doctoral. These kept letters seem to prove the gentleness and unblocked of the past.

Wang Yongqiang wrote to his parents

Wang Yongqiang's little sister -in -law said that before Wang Yongqiang went abroad, he rushed to Beijing to meet with his nephew and was warmly received by Wang Yongqiang and his wife. Everyone also ate and took a group photo together.

At the beginning of abroad, Wang Yongqiang also reported peace with his family. But later, I gradually couldn't contact.

The group photo of Wang Yongqiang and 舅

Half a year later, his family found Wang Yongqiang's contact information, but he was extremely cold and then lost contact.

In order to find Wang Yongqiang's whereabouts, his parents found his old man, but was told that Wang Yongqiang had divorced his wife. "Please don't harass again."

Wang Yongqiang, the Guizi Guizi, was lost with his family after walking away and encountering a marriage change?

He encountered unexpectedly, or is there any unspeakable hidden?

After media communication and the spread of netizens, Wang Yongqiang was found.

He is working in Atlanta, the United States. However, when I heard that his family was starting the media to find him, he said "don't look for it again."

When asked if the old mother was in danger, he would return to see the last side with the old man, Wang Yongqiang only said 7 words:

"The Qing official is difficult to break the housework."

After the Wang family received this reply, after receiving it, the Wang family also said 4 words:

"very disappointed."

Picture source: Weibo@图 图 Wang Yongqiang will not let his family find him

Hanmen Guizi, far away from other places, lost contact for 20 years. The mother was critical, and his loved ones begged, but he didn't see it.

This topic of the affection and filial ethics of Peking University students and native families, patients, patients, and filial piety ethics can easily be pushed to cover news and headline hotspots, allowing people of different situations to find their own slots and projection.

Some people cursed Wang Yongqiang "read so many books, but lost their conscience." Some people satirized "Chinese parents are all disaster", and some people lamented "I don't know what you have experienced, so I don't advise you to choose generosity."

For more people, like the two friends around me, they think that this anti -human incident is not as simple as media reports, and there must be unknown hidden feelings.

The views of the two friends around

Fitzgerald said:

"A mature person is a person who has two opposite views at the same time, and can also do things normally."

So, below, I want to talk about the story of another Peking University boy Wang Meng.

In February 2018, the news of "Peking University Boys Wang Meng did not go home for 12 years and pulled black parents for 6 years", which triggered discussions on the entire network.

Wang Meng, a pseudonym.

Perhaps it can be said that it is a collective name for all children who are from cold gates to become Guizi, but are injured by native families.

In the complaint of 15,000 words, Wang Meng said that he has been a "child of someone else's family" since he was a child. One of the majors, after graduating from undergraduate graduation, he was admitted to the top 50 universities in the United States.

Wang Meng's complaint letter then

However, behind this glorious and glory, he has been growing in pain:

From small to large, he didn't even have the right to choose what clothes to wear. All clothes were set up according to the mother's preference.

Learning and life are controlled by his parents. Any behavior that he has gone out of the border will be prevented and severely rebuked.

His parents never care about his growth environment and mental health, and turned a blind eye to his "help" in growth. In elementary school, because he could not peel the eggs, he was laughed at by his classmates and laughed at relatives. His parents were present, but he was indifferent.

In high school, he reported to his parents that his environment became worse after his hits, and he was scolded by his father:

"Why do you want to treat you for you? Good grades?"

After graduating, he decided to go abroad to study. His parents' "care" followed by shadow and arranged "old friends" to take care of him. He couldn't come together with the "old friend", but his father still asked him to learn to associate with people with problems.

In order to completely get rid of his parents, he hacked all the contact information of his parents, farewell to the "home", no longer actively contact his family, and did not reply to any information of his parents.

"Now, in the year of standing, I am still sensitive and not good at communication, like an emotional orphan."

Wang Meng said that for a long time, he has been a proper witness that the injured puppet, the victims of the parent -child conflict and the parent -child conflict manipulated by the family.

Only by breaking with his parents can he be himself.

However, in the face of his complaints, what did his parents say?

"I really don't understand, why did he hold the past?"

From the perspective of Wang Meng's parents, his son was normal from elementary school to university, and he would communicate with them if any problems did not show special struggles.

Even when he first arrived in the United States, he took the initiative to talk to his parents about his situation, but somehow, gradually, he did not contact his family.

After analyzing several turning points of his son Wang Meng and his family conflict, he reached such a conclusion-

Whenever his son's emotional outbreak was the most intense, he was in a new environment, and he was uncomfortable.

For example, when he first arrived at Peking University, he met a person better than him; after graduation, he was not as tall as he imagined; after employment and studying in the United States, he encountered a series of discrimination and went to see a psychologist.

"After so many years, he blamed us what questions, what did we do wrong?"

His father said aggrieved.

It is an adult and still can't break through the children of the native family; it is already aging but cannot get close to the parents of the biological child.

From Wang Yongqiang to Wang Meng, from the post -doctoral graduate of Peking University to Peking University.

Except for the probability of these extreme events, the labels of "Peking University", "No. 1", "Postdoctoral", "Study Abroad", and "Study abroad" have been removed. This family war core is actually staged in our lives.

However, it was not reported.

Because of my work, I have to explain a lot every day. Regarding my biological parents and native families, my childhood cure and family pain.

In my opinion, whether it is Wang Yongqiang or Wang Meng, whether it is the Wang family of Jiangsu or the Wang family of Sichuan, whether it is the Peking University graduates in the news or the technical school graduates in front of our house, it is inevitable to be in blood and affection, raising and raising, and raising, and raising and raising. Looking forward to filial piety, and outline, caught up with such five misunderstandings:

1. I am your child, not your face.

Why is the seemingly better child, the easier it is to break with parents?

Did they read bad heads? Is they walking in fame and fortune for their father and mother? Are they abandoned their parents' ignorance?

no.

In addition to public opinion and love hype "Famous School Graduates", another reason is that children who go out, especially children from the bottom, come to the steel bars, talents, and fiercely competitive jungle society. Excessive and turbulent war.

During the war, individual people couldn't keep it down and fell down.

Most people, after surrendering, rebuild confidence in inferiority, heal self -healing in the injured middle school, and also began to examine the source and origin, on cure and redemption, and then determine:

Many of what I have been, experience, and encounter, are wrong or need to reflect.

Everyone is not the expectations and face of parents, but their own masters and lilies.

However, parents who still stay in their homeland still live in the unchanged cognition and cognition, and will walk out of the children in the countryside, towns and small town as their own glory and affiliated.

This expectation of parents, when the child is far away, the communication is not good, the encounter is bumpy, and even when there is no way, it is intangible pressure.

Even for some children to have deep hostility in the unable to work.

Children who are unwilling to be controlled, and parents who are difficult to grow at home, they are relatives.

But their cognition and soul have already belonged to two worlds.

This is the fuse of many affection.

2. I am your parents, not your master.

If it is said that in Chinese characters, I think it is "uh."

"Children just want to report grace."

"Parents have raised you, you have to reward you."

"Parents have a grace to you."

These old words are right.

But the right truth needs to be dialectical.

Many parents -like parents have always instilled the child's view of "I have raised you, you have to repay me".

As a result, let their children live in a sense of guilt for a lifetime, and they must not stretch; either live in the rebellion for a lifetime, depending on their parents as a disaster.

These parents never think:

I am voluntary to raise a child; the child comes to me, but it is not my subsidiary; I really love the child, and the child will feel it.

However, their children gradually understand in their growth:

True love is not you in the gesture of the benefactor and forced me to return you. No need to say, you should remember

Therefore, in our lives, we often perform such a scene-

Parents: "Don't be embarrassed to me!"

Child: "I just want to be myself!"

Parent: "I raised you, you have to listen to me!"

Child: "Who asked you to have me? Did you say hello to me?"

Parent: "You have no conscience!"

Child: "You taught it, you have never loved me!"

Nourishing is not a request and return, but a mutual nourishment.

If we bring the child in this world without saying hello, we must love him as before. Parents do their best to raise us for adults, and we must love him to old.

The premise is that we are truly love, not control.

This is the grief point of most family war.

3. I am your relative, not the perfect person.

If there is a mirror to see every family, we will eventually find that there are no ten more beautiful parents, no excellent and perfect children, no conflict parent -child relationship, nor a family that never quarrels.

Why do people with the same origin, some happy and good luck, some fate?

In addition to luck, to a large extent, whether we have grown.

Growing is not to accept the mistakes made by parents, not forgive the injuries left by the parents, not to beautify their scarred background to beautify the golden light, nor is they grateful to Dedd.

Growth is the limitations and pain of our parents' generations. We punish ourselves without the mistakes of our parents, and do not destroy our lives in the hatred.

Growth is the problem of seeing our parents and knowing the pain of the native family, so I finally chose to break through bravely.

Growth is that we work hard all the way to bring the shadow children in their hearts step by step to the sun, making happiness and beauty more and more, making brightness and abundance more and more. Learn to let yourself go.

Only by accepting yourself can you create the world.

This is the only way to break through the native family.

4. We are a family and two people.

The biggest problem of family affection is the border problem under the psychological psychology.

You are my child, so you have to listen to me; you are my parents, so you have to be responsible for me; we are a family, so we divide you and me.

These cognitions use each other as a subsidiary, and never see an independent person.

When those children who are regarded as face by their parents are regarded as enemies, they are unwilling to meet each other for one or two decades; when those parents who have been stunned by their children are unbearable, they will sue the child to court, and we will eventually understand:

The dust settled, the sediment was retreating, and the past was like a smoke. What we had to see in the end was a lively person.

We let that person responsible for himself, we let that person be himself, we let that person loyal in the heart in respect, and we have love between us.

This is the way of love that contradicts all kinds of affection.

5. I love you, so I make myself strong.

There is a saying in psychology:

"Those who do not have a good relationship with their parents are actually very sad in this life."

The deep meaning of this sentence does not allow everyone to surrender to their parents, but to say that life is a cause and effect, and people who cannot clarify the source are difficult to make the rest of their lives complete.

Clarifying the relationship with parents is because they see my own way, knowing that I have suffered the injuries, the suffering, the hardships, and the crime of suffering, so I learned to love myself.

In this deep love, you find peace and flexibility, rationality and compassion, stretching and growing, bravery and confident, and then love others, the world, and sentient beings.

Then, you are strong, standing in a high ground in spring, grow into a leafy tree, and silently lead your child:

I love you.

So, I allow you to be yourself.

I love you.

So, I have to do myself.

I love you.

Therefore, we will not live up to this encounter.

I love you.

So, if there is a life, I still need to love you.

In this article, it is dedicated to everyone who fights with the native family. If you like it, don't forget to pay attention to [Reader].

This article is authorized to reprint from WeChat public account: Blossom (ID: xsha369). Author: Liu Na, psychological counselor, emotional columnist, original explosive writer, mixed media circles for more than ten years, published millions of words, can write family love stories, and write hot spots in education workplace. Source of this article: Network, if there is any infringement, please contact delete.

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