How many people defeated the law of crow

I've heard such a story:

One day, the crow said goodbye to the old friend pigeon depressed, saying that he was ready to move.

The pigeon felt puzzled and asked the crow: Why do you move away?

The crow replied: Actually, I don't want to go, but the people here are too unfriendly to me. They think that my call is too unpleasant and don't welcome me to stay.

The pigeon sashi for a long time and said such a thing to the crow:

"But if your voice is not good, no matter where you fly, no one will be welcomed."

The crow was suddenly speechless.

This is the famous "crow law" in psychology. It tells us:

Everything is blamed for others and can never effectively change the status quo.

Learning to reflect on yourself can we fundamentally solve the problem.

I believe we have all experienced such a moment:

Because he was criticized at work, he felt that the leader deliberately found the fault;

Because there was a quarrel with a partner, I felt that the other party was too "nervous";

Because people are pointed out in person, they feel that the other party is isolated.

But the consequences that think so often are that they are very unhappy and feel that the whole world is against themselves.

There is such a sentence in "Don't Crazy Life":

Before blaming others, we must first understand the truth: Can we stand the inspection and test of others?

The leader criticized you because you did not complete your work?

Is there a contradiction with lover because you offend the bottom line of TA?

Is it accused by others because you did have trouble with them?

Thinking about it this way, it seems that you can better understand your own problems.

Many times, we complain that others are often because we do not know enough about ourselves.

In "Essence of Prejudices", people who find the cause from the outside world will only be classified as "external responsibility" personality.

They always stare at the shortcomings of others and find reasons for all kinds of unsuccessful things, but never think about it. They are the real "fuse" of the incident.

Such people can never get out of the predicament, but will continue to fall into a cycle of "complaint-failure" because of the presence of difficulties.

As an author said:

"Find the reason from others, and it will be crazy when you think about it;

The strong man asked for the reason from himself, and he would pass on. "

Blindly complaining will only make yourself lose your negative emotions, and you can't find the true source of setbacks;

Only by learning from the introspection can we gradually get rid of the trap of cognitive level and fundamentally solve the problem.

The writer Mai's family once won the 8 major literature awards because of the novel "Decrypture" and became famous in the World War I.

But later, he gradually lost his persistence and patience under the "bombing" of high manuscripts and many urging news.

Once, he could use 11 years to polish 200,000 words of novels;

But under the temptation of fame and fortune, he wrote 300,000 words of "Sword Tip" for only 3 months.

In 2011, "The Tip of the Knife" was published and was widely questioned by readers.

The Mai family suddenly realized that her perfunctory had completely deviated from the original intention of creation.

After the pain and pain, he apologized to the audience in "Open":

"When I was sought after by many people, I gave up a requirement for myself.

I want to ask you to be my witness, I confessed it, I knew it was wrong.

I want to start again and get back the original intention of writing. "

Since then, the Mai family has begun to cherish feathers and put more time on the content of concentration.

Eight years later, the Mai family launched a new work "Sea Sea of ​​Life". This book exceeded 2 million copies of issuance in two years, allowing the Mai family to have countless reputation.

It can be said that it was because of knowing how to change inward that the Mai family once again broke through the peak of career.

People are not sages, and mistakes are inevitable.

But the gap between people and people is often in the face of the problem.

Smart people, get used to finding the cause from themselves, so they will not make a second mistake;

A thin person always loves to push the fault to others, so there is no way to make it really progress.

Jobs said: "Self -introspection is the most important driving force for success."

Those who know the self -refueling can be transformed into nutrients, allowing themselves to continue to grow and continue to improve.

Such people often can often go wider and farther and farther.

In psychology, there is a concept of "self -value protection principle".

It is said that in the subconscious, only in the subconscious, only accept those views that can support themselves. Once criticized and accused, they will tend to resist.

This is why many people like to stare at the faults of others when they encounter setbacks.

However, if a person is not entangled with the weakness of the personality, he will never overcome the defects and get rid of the predicament.

If you want to live happily, learn to reflect on yourself, it will always be the best way out.

How to achieve effective self -introspection? Give everyone 3 suggestions:

1. Reduce complaints

Lu Xun once said:

"Often when people are complaining, things will accelerate the direction of his complaints."

Habitual complaints will make people's negative emotions be enlarged infinitely, thereby losing the most basic ability to judge and thinking.

In this way, you can't see yourself, and others don't understand you. It will only make the development of the situation worse and worse.

When encountering conflicts, don't rush to get angry first, but be upright and keep peace.

In this way, you can have a sober mind to solve trouble.

2. Open thinking

Dario has put forward the principle of "extremely open" in the book "Principles". In other words, you can jump out of the blind spots of cognition and make correct decisions only by accepting more accurate possibilities than you.

Therefore, when there is a contradiction with people, you may wish to listen to the opinions of others patiently from a more objective perspective.

In this way, the frustration of experience can be transformed into energy of growth.

3. Internal attribution

Psychologist Waa has proposed a "attribution theory".

He believes that we will have a significant impact on future behavior on the attribution of success and failure.

If a person is used to the degree of success and failure, it will enhance the persistence of future efforts.

On the contrary, if success and failure attribute to the environment, luck, and others, it will reduce your own efforts and fall into trouble again and again.

Many times, inwardly can continue to improve; blame outside will only make cocoons self -binding.

Only by daring to face its own shortcomings can efficient growth be achieved.

Yi Shu once said:

"The sign of a person who is truly mature is to find that there are fewer and fewer people who can blame."

The higher the level of cognitive level, the less he will blame others when the contradiction occurs.

They know how to deal with the incident and put them in front of the emotions. For the shortcomings pointed out by others, they have changed it.

Such people can often achieve self -breaking and transition.

Just like the writer William Ward said:

"The pessimistic people complain that the wind is winding, the optimists are waiting for the wind, and the reality will adjust the wind direction."

When the conflict occurs, I think less about what others should do, and think about what they can do.

In this way, we can improve their own cognitive level and fundamentally solve problems.

Click [watching], I hope we can complain less, get more self -introspection, and in the road of life, the achievement is getting better and better!

Author | Zhuxi, love reading, love life.

Picture | Visual China

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