Girl talks about love: about ambiguous, derailment and sex

Source: She journal

(ID: IIIIHER)

How important is love?

This is a puzzle between her sister and many friends around her for a long time.

In life, we often need to describe our attention to love in different topics and situations.

Some people do not conceal their longing for love and intimacy.

They love to love as honey, longing for love, and also in love.

Some people are full of love, "I don't want to fall in love, how comfortable it is."

Now such an independent and sober voice is becoming more and more dense.

As if refusing to fall in love, you can only prove that you can not love if you don't fall in love.

In particular, when the terminal of love is unavoidable in terms of morality and worldly perspective, love is even more complicated.

How do we place a place of love?

What kind of love relationship is needed?

Should you value or watch light love?

Is the ultimate meaning of love pointing to marriage?

We still need to sort out and think about these issues.

With the opportunity of Qixi Festival, her sister decided to talk about these topics.

As usual, I also interviewed two girls.

One is the beam who is good at and likes love, and the other is A Bin, who is relatively small in love and often lives lightly by himself.

Their experience has a control in the present context.

However, their feelings in love are not as very different as we think.

The following is their dialogue:

Over the time, I was even PUA. The kind of PUA in the true sense.

I met him when I was studying abroad.

Perhaps in a foreign country, I rely more on intimacy.

At first, he did not notice any abnormalities in him.

Just one day, he was very happy to share a book with me, the title of the book is probably called PUA psychological analysis.

At that time, the word PUA was not widely known.

Later, slowly, he always habitually degraded me in language, such as I was ugly, dark skin, and thick legs.

He even said directly: I don't like you at all.

Even so, it is difficult for me to make up to break up. At that time, I would only constantly doubt myself, and I felt that I was not good enough to match him.

However, whenever I am so emotional, he always gives me a little sugar in a timely manner, so that I can see hope and reluctantly let go.

This is repeatedly vicious cycle.

I feel that I almost love my mind.

I was a high school classmate with my first love.

He stayed in his hometown in Shandong, and I was in Beijing.

After graduating, I want to stay in Beijing to work, and he advises me:

"What's so good about staying in Beijing, you have to go home sooner or later. You come back to find a job, let's be together."

At the beginning, I also felt that this request was reasonable.

Just the same scene, the college entrance examination also appeared in the year of the college entrance examination.

At that time, we did not formally determine the relationship. In order to go to Beijing to go to school, I chose an art test.

At that time he said, "Why do you have to take the test in Beijing? You can also go to 211 in Shandong. Isn't it good to get a school together?"

You see, similar words, the same tone, he once again tried to bind me and plan me.

In the end I still broke up.

Many friends around me said that I didn't love him enough, and even said that I was selfish.

But until now, I don't think that the college entrance examination can prove my sincerity for the college entrance examination for him to stay in his hometown and return to his hometown for him.

Sobby is a moment.

A medicine that asked me out of PUA was his derailment.

The only fantasy of that point was burst instantly. I finally don't have to rationalize his derogation and mean.

But at the same time, soberness is also a long process.

Because at that time, I was still used to paying a love personality.

And because I have experienced PUA, I feel more simply that as long as the other party is good to me, I can tolerate any others.

Later, a boyfriend really had a good temper and thoughtful to people.

But I found that he was a lack of execution.

For example, in life, I always need to urge reminders.

Even if you change your job and update your resume, it is also that I have given him an idea and PUSH progress.

I am like an old mother, but the other party does not appreciate it.

In virtuous, I seem to be a harsh and strong girlfriend.

If I taught by PUA's love last time, I don't have tolerated without bottom line.

This time it was to let me know that love is not a bottomless line.

In love, I can not ask for equivalent returns, but I must not become a vassal for this.

When you encounter something, think about your line first, and then think about us.

It sounds very selfish, but I have only two feelings, and I have always followed this principle.

The most basic point of love is to communicate.

One of the differences between my third boyfriend is that he hopes that I will not bring the emotions of work to the love of two people.

But he continued to vent his emotions in love.

Once the water -changing master came to the house to send the water.

In order not to waste, I want to pour out the water in the old barrel and then to the master.

He was impatiently urged me: grinding, you didn't look at others waiting.

I explained several times, and he was stunned by him: You shut up ... Shut your mouth ... Shut your mouth and hear ...

Such details are full of our daily love.

Perhaps he would not really violence, but it was terrible enough to speak well to me.

I think many couples' understanding of communication is narrow.

They believe that only for specific issues and events need to communicate, and communicate communication as a heavy and formal task.

But communication should be a daily life that integrates love.

When I was with my first love, our mode of getting along was basically three steps: eating, watching movies, playing games.

Without these, we don't seem to have a topic to talk.

After a dating of two people, they couldn't stay for half an hour, so they wanted to go to friends to play a game and play together.

Looking at it now, I think it is a very boring and wasteful love.

In the past love experience, I found that many other half was unwilling to communicate with me.

They have nothing to do with a news event, a value, and even a book and a movie.

If I forcibly discuss, they will say:

You always think so much, you just go online, just take care of yourself ...

If I talk about some women's topics, they will refute:

How can you say so terrible, this is an example. The women around me are very high ...

Actually, I don't want him to agree with me.

But understanding each other's values ​​through different aspects can be regarded as a period of love.

Can you only talk about love?

I feel that so far, the entire emotional society has not evolved to develop a set of love templates that are more adaptable in this era.

Even, many times, the more painful love is, because we have not broke through the old love template.

For example, we always feel that love needs to be tied, which is preferred and special.

Isn't it popular on the Internet?

I am in love with you, not to listen to your reason, but because I stand unconditionally on my side when I am wronged.

We lack imagination about expressing love.

I even feel that I will be PUA, which may be related to me too superstitious about this love chicken soup.

Including my second love, the two of us were exotic for a while.

He has to have a video with me every day every day and ask me:

"Have you talked to the boy today, who said what?"

Although I felt uncomfortable at the beginning, I did n’t think I felt:

Because he cares about me and cherish me, I am special to him.

This bundle can easily be witnessed by beautifying into love.

So on this basis, even his care and consideration of those things were more dazzling.

This is really a paradox.

In terms of time, for a long time, love occupies more than 70%of my energy.

It is about 30%now.

In fact, this is difficult to quantify and define.

Yes, it is difficult to quantify.

This is as if we are always used to how much we pay to measure love and being loved.

In our traditional concepts, love often depends on giving to judge.

Determine the sincerity and judge loyalty.

Because of this, the couple when they break up will always open the old account book and account for some of them. Who pays more and who sacrifice more.

This also leads to it. When many people break up, they are often reluctant to be the party they propose, otherwise they will be like a heart Han (female).

This is the end of my second love.

I think of my last love.

he treats me well. When I was so good, I felt that I might not find someone who loved me more than him in this life.

This relationship is not like the past few loves, there are those spiritual world of excessive control and boring and empty cave.

He and I are also different places.

It is bound to face the problem that almost all the couples will encounter in a different place -who goes to the city's development.

I almost compromised.

At that time, I deliberately invited the long vacation to return to Chengdu.

But I did not find a suitable job. My friends advised me: Even if I want to go back, it is not the best time.

Moreover, my work in Beijing was rising.

Coincidentally, his work happened to encounter a bottleneck at that time, so I tried to communicate, whether I could try to come to my city, and I also hope that he will get out of the comfort circle.

He refused, and we broke up.

However, four months later, through friends, he learned that he went to Shanghai to develop.

Some chills, but not angry.

Because I understand a truth:

In the relationship, it is best not to try to transform each other, and you are not a son -in -law.

Because you often change your mind, he is not better, but to compromise him.

This reminds me that I always prevailed on the Internet. Talking about how to adjust the other half, claiming to be used for life.

In my opinion, you can expect the other half.

But don't look forward to changing the other half.

Although as of now, my 28 years of life has only been in love twice.

But I have always been looking for a suitable object on my own way and joining my life.

Instead of finding a person and building a life for him.

Maybe this is why I have less love experience.

For a long time, I stubbornly thought that I had to fall in love when I was young.

But after a few feelings, I gradually understood.

People who have to meet in life are too much.

If you are not in love, my life can live as rich.

I am single most of my time.

But I still think that life is so interesting.

I have too many things I want to learn.

For example, yoga, Prate, swimming, and instrument, I still want to learn to dance next year.

When I was a kid, I had no conditions to let me go to the interest class.

Now that I am economically independent, I can finally realize my desire when I was a child.

Moreover, I found that when I was engaged in learning a thing, I could really forget my age.

Life has never stipulated that you should fall in love with a few years old and learn dance.

Fate comes, you can naturally enter love; with conditions, you can also choose to choose interest.

People must first love themselves.

We are already familiar with this sentence, but there are few people who can really do.

Yes.

I even think that the relationship between people and people sometimes cannot simply use the identity of couple friends and girlfriends.

Because in essence, it is one person and another person, the relationship between me and you.

In love, we have different states, such as lingering, such as communication, such as encouraging each other and progressing together.

I think, at any time, I am like a balloon that can float far away, living lightly in this world.

But when love is bound to point to marriage, it becomes heavier.

The rope under the balloon is always full of love chips: compromise, patience and sacrifice.

However, the purpose of love is not to turn one of yourself or TA into an abominable look.

Some people say that I have cold blood, and some people say that I have not met true love yet.

I don't think so.

Because I know that I still look forward to love, I dare to break the old outlook on love.

I don't need to talk about the so -called normal love in this world.

postscript:

The beginning of this issue is that I found that many girls in life have completely different love and love experience.

So I want to know, in their eyes, what is high -quality love? In addition to the function of paving the way for marriage, is there any other significance interpretation?

With the expansion of dialogue with two girls.

I found that the so -called understanding of love, self -understanding, has nothing to do with the number of love.

Is it possible to live abundantly, and it is not just the right of singles only.

Cafe has experienced many times in love, and even half of them are not high -quality.

But she still found herself and life, and now her career development is just right.

A Bin is always misunderstood as indifferent feelings.

But in fact, she has a lot of friends, has a wide range of interests, and enjoys every leaf of life freely and lightly.

Love was originally a kind of life, a growth, and a stage.

I remember in an interview with the character:

The more intimate relationships, the easier it is to release this in the name of love.

The United States has done a human test survey. The conclusion is that among the entire human beings, only 4%of people who really benefit his instincts, and the remaining 96%of their instincts are self -interest.

Presumably, people who have been in love have begun to praise the selflessness and dedication of love.

But Liang Yongan then emphasized:

This shows that love also needs to overcome the instincts of self -istism and experience the value of him in mutual love.

In the new era, in addition to bravely open up a new love model and create a new love person, we also need to define a new self -interest.

Love is a wonderful thing.

We should have found it, and the me who makes ourselves more likes.

Perhaps this is the meaning of love.

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