"If you were with him at the time" ... How could you not regret it?

Author: hard sugar acid plum 糖

The classic lines in the film and television drama said: "There was a sincere love in front of me. I did not cherish it. When I lost it, I regret it.

We will also hear this classic speech ⬇️

"If I had calculated the question at the beginning, I would not be at this school today."

"If you change a major, my life must be better than now."

"If you were with the male god at that time, the person who married him now is me."

Native

Regret, Mrs. Mrs. is too common!

So, in the end-

01

What is regret?

Regret is a disgusting emotion, and it is often produced when we compare the results or expected results from the best results.

In other words, when we make a decision, but at the same time, when we are "if I make another decision, the ending will be better", regret appearing quietly.

Don't underestimate regrets, regret, but the second largest emotional experience mentioned by people (the first place is "love").

Some studies believe that the attractiveness of overestimating another option we has not selected may be the reason for regret. When a person experiences regrets, most of TA will say this- "If I was ... now ...", "If I can ...".

According to the time of regret, the researchers divide regrets into three categories: Anticipated Regret, Pre-Outcome Regret, Experienced Regret.

Expecting regret is an emotional prediction activity, which is the regret that we may experience through imagination "if you have a certain choice". For example, when choosing an object, you may clearly know that you cannot be with someone, and you can expect to regret it with TA yourself. Faced with this situation, we often choose the options that make ourselves regret because we are afraid of ourselves, and then avoid regrets.

As a result, it regretted that after we made a choice, but the final result had not yet appeared, the worries of the initial choice and the feeling of suffering. For example, the college entrance examination/postgraduate volunteer is changed to a better school, but I am afraid that I will not go in a good school, and the bad school slipping ... At this time, our usual response method is to re -evaluate the selection, and then perform it. decision making.

Experience regret is that after the incident really happened, we experienced the results of the matter relatively negative, so we really experienced regret. For example, after buying a lipstick, it is completely different from imagination. It is very ugly, then I will regret what I bought. After similar situations, we will change the subsequent decisions. When you buy it next time, you should remind yourself not to buy this color.

02

How to affect our choice?

Do you regret it more than not doing?

The Nobel Prize winners Kahneman and Tversky discovered the Action-Effect of regret in 1982, which also caused bad results, which is more regrettable than inaction.

In other words, when the bad results occur, people are more likely to regret doing something for themselves. Everything I bought in those years reminded us- "What do I want these hands?"

Do you not to let yourself regret 丨 regret avoiding it

Regret avoiding refers to the choice of regrets that people choose to regret at the least regret during decision-making, not the choice of Risk-minimizing.

In other words, we are not afraid of the risk of doing this, but we are afraid that we regret it after doing this.

Taking vaccine as an example, if the mother learned that a certain vaccine was given to the child, it might cause the child to die. The mother would choose not to give the child vaccine because she was afraid of regret (the amount of regret was small) in the future. The mortality rate (small risk) is far less than the mortality (risk) that dies in the disease.

"I'm bad, what's going on" 丨 I do not act as an inertia

Losing an attractive behavior will lead to inaction in similar opportunities later.

Corresponding to the effect of the previous article, it usually occurs after we missed the opportunity to be attracted before, and encountered another opportunity to have a slightly worse opportunity. It is more attractive than normal levels), but at this time we seize the opportunity for the second excellence to be reduced (it can be understood as lying flat).

Imagine that you have a pair of shoes, just coincide with a holiday promotion, the price is appropriate, but unfortunately, you forgot to buy it! When I remembered the next day, the promotion was over, and it became a big promotion return event, or it was discount, but the discount was not strong yesterday.

People usually choose at this time -simply not bought, this is not inertia.

03

How can I regret it?

It is not a wise choice to be immersed in things that cannot be changed in the past and to torture yourself.

But how can I try to keep myself not regret it?

Reduce up comparison, increase downward comparison

Carnegie said in "The Weakness of Humanity": "Many of the troubles in life stem from we blindly compare with others, and forget to enjoy our own lives." Comparison of society with a considerable level) may use the negative emotional consequences brought by stress encounter, self -esteem threat, and failure experience, and then play a self -protection function.

On the contrary, comparison of society up (compared to those who are stronger than yourself) will produce more negative emotions in daily life.

As you get older, people will rely more and more to compare the downward society to confirm that their lives live well.

Reduce the goal

To reduce the goal, it can also be said that the negative impact of re -evaluating the goal can relieve regret.

In one study, the researchers asked the two groups to imagine that "you have two options when choosing a travel destination, option A and B options. After many weighing weigh The warm sunshine. However, after everything is reserved, the weather forecast said that the place A will continue to rain in the days when you travel, but the place B where you did not choose was bright sun. "

In this case, the researchers let some participants (reduce the target group) write down "even if it rains, but you can still do ten things during the trip". Subsequently, the participants evaluate how much to how much to choose to choose to choose to go to A. Earth vacation. Another part of the participants (control groups) did not write anything after imagining the task, and directly evaluated the degree of regret choosing to go to the A prefecture vacation.

It was found that reducing the target group is lower than the regrets felt by the control group.

Time will heal

Studies have shown that it is also memories that the elderly can actively recall the past than young people, and use less strategies that make themselves more regrettable in the future (such as widely searching for the "best choice").

However, with the increase of age, people think of regrets, related emotions -gratitude, anger, anger, and despair, the lower, maybe this is "time can make people dilute everything."

04

No way to regret it

You can also draw power from regret

Although most of the time we think that regret is a negative emotional experience, but if we look at the emotions of regrets and things that make us regret from another angle, we can get a lot of growth. Studies believe that regret can play a positive role in the following five aspects:

Help us understand the experience of the past

Regret can help us clarify the past and help us accept the results of unwavering. Those things that make us regret will be unable to change after all. What we can do is to accept and grow.

Promote approaching behavior

Regret can help us prepare for action and help us prepare for how to act in the future. The so -called- "Don't miss the sunset if you miss the sunrise."

Promote avoidance

After experiencing regrets, we can avoid the same mistakes and avoid dangerous or harmful things. learn from mistakes.

Insight

Regret experience can help us understand our behavior characteristics, help better understand the impact of our behavior, and promote us to move towards self -reflection, self -insight, and personal growth.

Maintain social harmony

Regret experience can help us improve the relationship with others and better understand the thoughts and feelings of others. Maybe, because you are not brave enough to miss the tanthest TA of that year, after many years, your friend is struggling with whether you want to confess to the person you like, you can try to share your story and give friends some courage and support.

Tagore wrote in "Bird Collection": If you cry because you miss the sun, then you will also miss the star.

Top down and downward viewing references

[1] Gao Hongmei, Zhang Yan, Xu Yan and Wangfang. (2013). The internal development process of regret: influencing factors, post-effects and research outlook. Psychology new (02), 110-117.

[2] Saffrey, C., Summerville, A., ROESE, N. J. (2008). Praise for regret: people value regret above Other Negatives. Motivation and Emotion, 32 (1), 46–54. // DOI DII .org/10.1007/s11031-008-9082-4

[3] Feiler, D., Müller-TREde, J. (2022). The One that GOT Away: OveRestimation of Forgone Alternatives As a Hidden Source of regret. /doi.org/10.1177/09567976211032657

[4] Rao Lilin, Liang Zhuyuan Li Shu. (2008). Regret in behavioral decision-making. Psychological science (05), 1185-1188. Doi: 10.16719/J.CNKI.1671-6981.2008.05.033. Lan Xie Wenting. (2016). Do you regret it or not to regret it? ——The influence of self-adjusting mode on inaction. Psychology (04), 423-434.

[6] BAUER, I., WROSCH, C., Jobin, J. (2008). I'm Better OFF Than Most Other People: The Role of Social Comparisonsons for Coping with Regret In Young Adult Age. , 23 (4), 800–811.https: //doi.org/10.1037/a0014180

[7] Muniz Kamiya, A. S., Zeelenberg, M., da Costa Hernandez, J. M. (2021). Regulating regret via decreasing goal level: Comparing maximizers and satisficers. Personality and Individual Differences, 178, 110870.https://doi.org /10.1016/j.paid.2021.110870

[8] Tassone, D., Reed, A. E., Carstensen, L. L. (2019). Time May Heal Wounds: Aging and Life Regrets. Psychology and aging, 34 (6), 862–866.https: //doi.org/ 10.1037/pag0000381

Author: hard sugar acid plum 糖

Source: Jingshi Psychological University Hall (ID: bnupsychology)

- END -