Are you also experiencing different places?

"Love Crazy"

Bleak

Listening to people always say that different places are the beginning of an emotional alienation.

In social media, there are countless posts discussing how difficult the long -distance love is. How to avoid breaking up in different places: consciously keep a distance from other opposite sex, and simultaneously synchronize your own life dynamics with the other party ... all kinds of "teaching" dazzling.

In order to better understand the long -term love, we talked with a few friends who were in a different place or marriage in different places. We find that with the growth of people, the attitude towards a long time will change. And those who can maintain positive positive attitude in the process of long -distance love are often those who have strong adaptability and also enjoyed.

However, once there are children, things will be different. Continuous off -site can easily develop into a "widowed marriage". This is because the child has more responsibility for the family, and women will hope that the other party can share it as much as possible.

My boyfriend went to Canada last year. I now work in Chengdu.

I feel that there is no great impact on our lives.

In the past, we were studying in the same city and each had our own communication circle, and they did not meet often. Maybe we met on weekends.

We are now calling every week. Then because there are 12 hours of time difference, WeChat cannot return in seconds. He often woke up in the morning to see me a bunch of news, or I got up in the morning to see him a bunch of news.

Illustration p Reenp

For my own mentality, although it is still envious to see others showing affection, this envy will not affect me particularly. On the one hand, I was busy at work, and I won't think of these when I am busy. On the other hand, I have been independent since I was a child, and I don't need anyone to accompany me.

Even if you have to say, I don't like overtime than I don't like long -distance love.

I think the function of my boyfriend can be replaced. If you don't be with your boyfriend, I can be with my friends.

This may have something to do with the family, because when I was a kid, my dad had been working abroad and had always been my mother to take me alone. So on me, I will feel that love is not to be tired of two people.

I think the biggest influence on me on me is the object of getting along or asking for help. It may be him before, now my parents, my friends, and my colleagues.

Like I rent a house in Chengdu now. At about 6 o'clock in the morning, a strange man suddenly knocked on my door, and then tried to lose the door lock password for ten minutes.

I was scared at that time and reported the police, but the police did not manage it, saying that because the monitoring only showed that the person had stayed at the door for more than ten minutes, there was no actual harm to me.

I asked my colleague for help that day, and my mother also took a plane to Chengdu to accompany me the next day. If my boyfriend is in China, I will definitely ask him for help. That is, there will be some changes in the help target of life.

Now I have moved.

I will not worry about this relationship because of unstable place. Because we still trust each other, after all, we have already known each other for a long time. The junior high school is classmates, and both parents know each other.

In the future, I may also go abroad to read a book and go abroad with him.

My husband is doing architectural design and often goes out to follow the project. Going to Hainan the longest, now a little bit, in Shanghai. It is a few months every time.

Recent projects, he returned once a weekend. If it is a far -reaching project, it will not come back once a month.

I felt okay when I didn't have a child before, and I didn't feel much for two or three weeks. And I am a teacher, with cold and summer vacations. When there is a holiday, he will go to him, and he feels that he can go out to play when he travels.

But when the child was born, this feeling completely changed.

In March of this year, he went to Shanghai on a business trip, and as a result, he was closed because of the Shanghai epidemic. It was not until June to return to Suzhou.

And I happened to be produced in March. I was born with a caesarean section, and the whole person was painful after giving birth.

I remember when I had a child, I stayed at the three rooms in the hospital. I watched the younger sister on my left and right. Their husbands came to accompany the birth, and said and laughed throughout the process. And I am alone. In this atmosphere, I was very sad, and tears flowed out.

So I only had one thought at the time: do not find a building when you get married.

After the baby is born, he is not at all inconvenience. For example, once my baby was a little red, I may not care about the good care of the nursing place at that time. Yueyue left again. I wanted to take the baby to the hospital, but my parents were not serious.

I can't get it myself, because the baby should bring a lot of things when you go out, such as clothes, urine, and bottle. And the particularly small baby cannot be exposed to a strong sun, you have to support him an umbrella and hold him. Or if I want to go to the toilet, what should the baby do.

At that time, I wanted to say, where is my husband others.

In addition to these practical factors, after giving birth, you will psychologically depend on that person, but that person is not there.

This kind of long -term marriage seems to be the norm in their industry. He led for 10 years in the project, and let his wife take two children alone. For a full 10 years, "widowed marriage". Now they are going to divorce with him.

I thought to let my husband change jobs, but we still have a mortgage, he is not easy to change. I can only accept reality. So I asked him to go closer to Suzhou, so that he could come back once a week.

In the summer of 2021, because I changed my job, I moved from Beijing to Shanghai. At that time, my boyfriend and I had lived together for a year, which meant that I was going out of this home that was dressed up and living for a year.

On the day of leaving, I was packing my luggage. I hope to bring as much luggage as much as possible so that you do n’t have to buy it again when you go to a strange new city. He hoped that I would leave the luggage as much as possible, and I hope that the house still has my traces.

When I was in a different place, it was undoubtedly painful and sad. Like an abstinence reaction, I was crying with him every night.

My boyfriend is also very uncomfortable. He even asked me late at night, did he choose to change to another city.

Under heavy pressure, I began to doubt whether the choice of different places was correct.

My leader noticed the depression of my emotions. One day she took the initiative to say to me, "I think you come to Shanghai, you must have what you want to do here. Develop yourself first."

Slowly, work embarked on the right track. I tried to make new friends. When the weather is good, I will visit the exhibition with friends; when the weather is not good, I will read books at home.

Sports fitness has also become my main theme of this year. Last year, I felt sad and anxious because my boyfriend was busy answering my phone in time. But now, I have become a "busy person". He got up in the morning to call me, and I generally couldn't pick up -because I arrived at the gym on time at 8 am.

At the beginning, I would anxiously look at how to avoid babies from babies on social media every day. But now I know clearly that it is a different place. This kind of compulsory physical isolation method allows me to get rid of the physiological paralysis of hormones and look at this relationship more calmly and objectively.

The real meaning of a long -distance love is that the current alien place is for the future of us, we can better be together.

We met when we were studying in the United States. At that time, we got along with each other for three years. It was a beautiful memory. Later, due to work, I came to France and he stayed in the United States.

In fact, we don't have much feelings for their respective work and life, just because of work, we have to maintain a different place.

At the beginning, it was not very suitable, but because we often communicate, as long as we feel unhappy or uncomfortable, we will communicate in time. We can all respond to each other, and try to work hard to prevent each other from worrying.

Although sometimes poor, as long as we are free, we will "report" today's life and mood. In fact, we all know that the two sides are working hard for the future. We all have the career to develop, and we also respect their own careers. So now this "sacrifice" should be worth it.

Before the epidemic, we met each other every three months and visit each other. In order to meet, we usually save money, but do not feel that life is bitter. Just the fatigue and the cause of the time difference, diluted a lot of joy to meet, long -distance travel is really tired.

Later, the cause of the epidemic was that there was a travel ban at the beginning. We probably haven't seen it for almost a year. It is really anxious without meeting for a long time. Fortunately, we can express our anxiety frankly, and we can rest assured that we can arrange our ourselves with peace of mind. Life. As long as you enrich your life, you can relieve the pain of not meeting for a long time.

But we all cherish the time of meeting. As long as we are together, we will enjoy the current happy time. Maybe this is also the benefit of different places. Every time we meet, we are very happy and have surprises.

"Brooklyn"

After the pink bubble is ruptured ...

Whether the feelings of different places can continue, it has a lot to do with the reasons for choosing a different place and the work they are engaged in. A study by the University of Amsterdam's University of Amsterdam (VRIJE University) shows that those who have to separate those who have to separate for economic reasons are more under pressure than those who separate their careers, because this will cause the stability of the relationship Negative effects, such as the cost of unable to afford the settlement of relatives or family settlements.

The study also shows that there are certain benefits in different places. Some things that may be demonized because they are close, but they help maintain long -distance love, such as jealousy. Jealousy is actually conducive to long -distance partner relationships, but it must be the reactive jealousy that is practically felt threatened, not inadequate suspicion.

In addition, mild social media tracking will also be beneficial to long -distance love. Sociologist Danielle Lindemann mentioned in his book "Commuter Spouses: New Families in a Changing World" that "feedback from social networks is very important for relationships." Therefore, when no friends can talk face -to -face, social media software that spans the distance can play an important role and consolidate the relationship between lovers. This social recognition also affects the views of both partners. Therefore, he encourages partners in different places to update his social platform more and try to interact as much as possible.

"break up letter"

Of course, as one of the love relationships, the key factor that can be maintained is not much different from ordinary love. It is important to maintain a good relationship. Good communication skills, strong emotional stability, and independence are essential "secrets" (including different places).

In a relationship, we always have some "expectations" or "standards" to each other, but whether such expectations and standards can play a positive role depends on the communication skills and time investment of both partners. If the two in the relationship do not have the ability and investment in the expectations of the TAs, the high expectations will only bring deep disappointment.

In addition, research also shows that emotional forgiveness will affect the quality of marriage, and it also has an indirect impact on the stability of a marriage, and higher tolerance is also related to higher marriage satisfaction. Emotional stability is to maintain the most important "skill" of emotion. When a person's emotional instability, the external attitude of TA's performance must be erratic. People around them will constantly consume emotions because of this instability and constantly consume emotions. Love.

"Love Crazy"

In the end, it is worth mentioning that whether it is in love or marriage, it must always maintain independent personal growth. Related studies have concluded that if a person has a lower perception of learning opportunities and personal development, TA's emotional happiness will not be high. At the same time, a person's perception of the balance of TA work-family can also affect emotional happiness. Instead, we will "urge" we are looking for our own world outside of emotions. We have a fulfilling personal life and good social. For different places, it is a better "antidote".

Regardless of whether or not, pink bubbles will eventually break. How the two people keep each other, testing more is the ability and down -to -earth ability.

Author: yan chiu Editor: Xiaomeng operation: yun

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