When a child is not obedient, try these methods, which is useful for scolding and reasoning.

Author | Qian Zhiliang

Broadcast | Wu Bingjie

Visual Design | Fan Wei Wang Rongjia

Host of the column | Du Runnan

Let the child collect the toys scattered on the ground, he can't move;

Let the child take a bath and sleep early, he has been delaying;

Let the child eat quickly, he still grinds ...

During the breeding process, when parents often encounter their children's disobedience and cooperation, the child tests the patience and educational wisdom of parents when the child is not obedient.

Most parents, when their children are disobedient, they may not help but feel out of control and get angry and scolded their children.

This method may work at the beginning: the child is forced by the parents' anger, and obediently. But when the number of times, children will be immune to parents' fierce emotions, indifferent, and even become more rebellious.

Some parents chose to give their children the reason, but they quickly found that the results were very small, and the children could not hear it at all.

When the child is not obedient and does not cooperate, parents may wish to try the following methods, which are effective than scolding and reasoning.

Coincidence with children, express understanding

The child is about 2 years old, and the self -awareness has begun to sprout. Since then, he has more and more thought of his own ideas. He no longer obediently listened to his parents as before.

For example: when the child is playing with toys in the bathtub, the water is cold and unwilling to get up;

Go to the mall to buy things, see that toys have to buy, I do n’t listen to it;

Play in the community, and I am not willing to go home when I get to dinner ...

Parents hope that their children's behavior is mostly based on their own ideas to follow the time and rhythm of the adult world, but the child is also a person with independent thoughts. Sometimes it is normal to have different ideas with parents.

If parents want their children to cooperate with their arrangements to do things, a more wise approach is to empathize with him first and understand the child's feelings and ideas.

For example, in the face of a child who doesn't want to go home, you can say to him:

"Are you playing very happily here? So don't want to go home."

Faced with a child who wants to buy toys, you can say to him:

"I know, this toy looks fun, you want to buy it home."

The children who are understood, feel that they are respected and seen, emotional can be calm quickly, and they are more willing to listen to parents.

If you just scold your child blindly and get angry with your child, it is easy to arouse the child's rebellious psychology, and it will become more and more embarrassed. More importantly, rough language can destroy parent -child relationship and hurt children's hearts.

Learn to listen, listen to children more

Parents who like to be reasonable to children, want to persuade their children to listen to themselves, do not know how to consider things from the perspective of children, listen to his feelings and ideas.

Many times, adults and children have a lot of differences in their positions and views. Parents should not only use their own feelings as their criteria, neglect and negate their children's feelings and ideas.

A classic story has reminded parents:

The mother took the child to play on the street. After walking for a while, the child was unwilling to leave again and started crying. The mother felt that the child was disobedient. He wanted to talk to the child and coax him to continue shopping.

However, when my mother squatted down and stood at the perspective of the child to see the surrounding things, I found that the child's height was seen. I saw the legs of pedestrians.

How can children persist in such a monotonous and boring environment?

Therefore, when the child is not obedient, parents first let go of their prejudice and bunch of truths, learn to listen to the children, and listen to the children. This is very important.

Actively listen to the children's feelings and ideas, so that the child has the opportunity to understand the cause of the child's disobedience and not cooperating with this surface behavior, and avoid misunderstanding the child.

When parents know how to listen to their children, they allow their children to do things according to their own ideas, rather than forcing him to obedient, and the child has the opportunity to get exercise and become more opinionated and confident.

Parents are good at listening and encouraged their children to express. This democracy is not only conducive to the harmony of parent -child relationships, but also easier to cultivate independent and excellent children.

Use appropriate communication

The child is not obedient, and it is closely related to the parents' communication methods, especially the attitude and tone of speaking.

There is a Milabin rule in psychology, which is also the bottom logic in interpersonal communication. It is said:

When people conduct language communication, 55%of the information is transmitted through visual, such as gestures, expressions, appearance, makeup, body language, ritual, etc. Fastening frustration and so on; only 7%of the remaining 7%come from pure language expression.

In parent -child communication, parents increased their volume, scolding, and ridiculousness. They did not make their children more "long memories". Content.

Conversely, if parents communicate with their children with a relatively peaceful and friendly attitude and tone, they can pass the important content to their children's hearts, and children are more willing to cooperate.

First, use more discussing tone, and use less commands and threatening tone

Children sprinkle milk on the ground, compared to "stupid, clean me quickly", this expression is better: "Milk is splashed to the ground, the road can't go, you take the rags, wipe it clean Bar."

Use a mentality and cooperation mentality to solve the problem with children. Compared with criticism and orders, it is easier to make children realize their mistakes and do the right behavior. Second, use simple and clear prompts to replace repeated puppets and urge

The child was delayed very late and did not take a bath very late, compared to urging him: "Hurry up to take a shower!"

Nagging and urging, it is easy for children to form a dependence, which is increasingly unsuccessful. Simple and clear reminders can mobilize children's initiative and slowly form self -discipline.

So, what should I do if the child is deliberately disobedient and cannot follow the child's thoughts?

For example: the child has been procrastinating not to take a bath; the sky is dark, and the child is still unwilling to go back to eat.

Here are 2 little tricks:

(1) Provide limited options

Parents provide options within their expected range. On the one hand, they indicate the direction of action to their children, and on the other hand, children can master the initiative of choice.

Under normal circumstances, children feel that they can make decisions by themselves, and they will be more willing to cooperate with their parents.

Therefore, parents can ask their children peacefully:

"Do you want to take a bath now, or go to wash after 10 minutes?"

"Do you want to go home now, or do you go home for another ten minutes?"

If the child chooses "10 minutes", you can further tell the child:

"Then I remind you at 5 minutes, and the time is here to remind you."

Most of the time, children are not quite unreasonable. What agreed with their parents, in a friendly and negotiating communication method, children will be willing to fulfill their promises and abide by the rules.

(2) The method of using the game

When children are disobedient, they use games to let children cooperate with their parents and mobilize their curiosity and participation in enthusiasm is a good way to try it out repeatedly.

One parent has shared their own experience:

The 5 -year -old son was always reluctant to brush his teeth every morning and evening. The parents forcibly brushed him. He hid everywhere and often cried for this.

Later, the parent thought of a good way. She took the child's favorite Ultraman toy and bought a small toothbrush to let the child brush his teeth in Ultraman sooner or later. Tooth decay and toothache, you can't win the monster. "

The child felt very interesting, so she tried to do it, and then she made a suggestion: "Do you want to brush your teeth every morning and evening every day and evening, don't you have a tooth decay every day?"

The child agreed that after a few days of persistence, the child did not dislike his teeth. After brushing his teeth every day, he would also brush Ultraman, and he thought of his words: "Brush your teeth every day, not long tooth decay."

Just like this, when the child is unwilling to do something, but when you have to do health or growth, parents can play with their children, games and other games, or use the children's favorite toys and cartoons. ", Interact with the child to achieve the desired effect.

Parents, have you learned?

Transfer from | Qian Zhiliang Studio

Editor in charge ｜ Zhao Li

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