Learning to refuse is a great talent

Harvard University had done a survey:

If a person learns to refuse reasonably, it can reduce unnecessary troubles of more than 90%, and can reduce a lot of personal time and energy waste.

In fact, learning to refuse is a scarce ability.

Some people are exhausted because they do not understand rejection, and some people live because they know how to refuse and make their lives more relaxed.

Refusing to be meaningless

Do you have this experience?

Sometimes you have to participate in some meaningless meals in order to join the group, drink some difficult wines, and say some words that are inadequate.

In fact, when people are wrong, you don't need to be attached to harmony. When the circle is not at the same time, you don't need to be strong.

The actor Chen Daoming has always been very low -key. In addition to filming, he is studying at home, writing, and handmade.

In an interview, he mentioned: "I think that the entertainment is suffering, especially when one person is drunk, and tells you four or five times in a word. Planting a fire, a kind of anger, particularly annoying. "

So in the time of being alone, he not only made life simple and happy, but also gained the richness and plenty of inner heart.

Sometimes, when you know what you really want to do and the life you really like, you will not waste time on some unimportant people and things.

Dou Wentao was a host who was nearly 20 years. The guests he knew and interviewed, there are all walks of life, and there is no lack of connections.

However, there are very few friends of Dou Wentao. Except for the show, he could not even go out at home for two weeks, and he did not see anyone.

He once mentioned: "In addition to friendship, friends are also particular. This is very important. The so -called emphasis can be understood as taste, talent, vitality, talk, etc.". "

Sometimes, if you do n’t agree with each other, even if you push the cup and change the cup, no matter how you call your brother, you are just a stranger, or even a chicken and a duck.

Many times, we always dare not refuse the circle you don't want to join, the person you don't want to know, and the social network that you don't want to participate.

In fact, it is not the same passers -by, no matter how you can cater to please, no matter how you go together, it does not have much value and significance.

Just as a paragraph:

"I no longer pretend to have a lot of friends, but I returned to loneliness and started my own life with the real I.

"Sometimes I can't stand lonely torture, but I would rather maintain my self -esteem in this way, and I don't want to exchange friends on the surface."

Picture source: panorama vision

Refuse to consume without bottom line

Writer Jia Pingwa wrote in "Knock" that he moved five times in a city, but every time his home, he would come to a non -speed guest and even frequently disturbed.

Every time he opened the door because he couldn't stand the door, the people who came in were almost all of them, and they all came to "embarrass" him.

These people either ask him to write the banner and give it to the superiors, or if there is any hall, he will invite him to the show, and there is nothing even if there is nothing.

And every time these people come, they are empty -handed, not only sucking his cigarettes, drinking his tea, but also delaying his work, making him unable to write articles at all.

In fact, in life, there will always be some people who consume you. If you do n’t refuse, you will eventually bring countless troubles and troubles to yourself.

The painter Qi Baishi, who was embarrassed to refuse to ask him for free painting or bargain, eventually exhausted his physical and mental exhaustion, and lived in the hospital.

Later, he couldn't bear it and wrote two confession in the living room.

One reads: "Selling paintings regardless of friendship, gentleman is shameful, please pay money according to Runge."

Another confession reads: "Flowers and birds, 10 yuan for each one, a vine and bee, each plus 20 yuan. Those who reduce the price, lose their own self -interest, and don't be happy."

Later, few people went to embarrass him again, and could not take advantage of him.

In fact, when you show your attitude and principles, it is difficult for others to have the opportunity to take advantage of it, let alone use you without restraint.

Some people say, "Why do others do not take you more and more? Because you are so good to speak, what you want, you will promise as soon as you look for you; what you want, you give it."

In this world, there are too many people in fact you don't need to ignore it. When they treat you with a consumption of you, they actually don't respect you.

If you blindly cater, in the end they will only obtain private interest from you, and you will only be completely dragged down by them.

Picture source: panorama vision

Help who refuses to super boundary

Perhaps many people are embarrassed to refuse when facing the help of others.

Because they are used to old people, they always think that if they do not do their best to help, they will not only hurt each other's kindness, but they can't pull this face.

In fact, of course, you can go all out for help. But if you exceed your ability and boundaries, it is only yourself who will eventually drag and suffer.

In the TV series "Ode to Joy", Guan Guan is a person who does not understand.

On one occasion, the colleague's body was uncomfortable, asking her to help her help the rest of the work, and signed the words at the end.

In fact, there was also very important things and endless tasks in Guan Guan's hands, but he still reluctantly took off.

Later, the part of the colleagues made a mistake. When the leader was punished, Guan Guan felt very innocent, but from the beginning to the end, colleagues did not even have a comfort.

Sometimes, the dedication of the super boundary will be taken for granted. Sometimes, the kindness of the super boundary is used as a scapegoat to suffer.

In the Japanese drama "The Life of the Kazakhstan", the heroine Oshima is an old -fashioned old man.

The colleague had a mistake herself, she just needed to give her a look. She immediately went to the top of the bag to apologize, and then took it back to the company to correct it.

As long as the colleagues endlessly greeted her, even if she left overtime, she had to help.

Originally, she thought that doing this would win the favor of colleagues, but once she accidentally found that everyone laughed at her behind, and even looked down on her.

Sometimes, we think that grieving ourselves to help others will get the recognition and gratitude of others. In fact, you are just a chance to bully you.

There was a paragraph that said:

"Old good people are a poison that not only makes themselves addicted, but also allows the other party to be addicted to you. Until the end everyone becomes an enemy, it will end this kind of interpersonal relationship with strong toxicity."

In fact, after adulthood, we must learn to refuse to help those who did not belong to ourselves, but pushed all the pressure and responsibilities to ourselves.

Picture source: panorama vision

Most of the time, for various reasons, we dare not, understand, and embarrassed to refuse others.

Just as San Mao once said:

"If your reason is justified, don't be afraid to refuse others. When a person speaks request, he has two answers in his heart, so it is expected to give him any answer."

Of course, rejecting a person will more or less affect each other's friendship; rejecting a circle will lose some friends; rejecting some help, more or less accusations and complaints.

But when you know what you really want, what you really should cherish and care about, and who knows who is worth paying, you can make decisive choices.

With friends.

Author: Li Siyuan, the new book "Every Outstanding, There is a silent time" is currently being sold. WeChat public account: warm woman (ID: wennuan-312), Sina Weibo:@饮--Siyuan, columnist.

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