Crying by a 48 -year -old man: It's not a wise decision to take the mother -in -law to the elderly at home.

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As the pressure of society continues to increase, the lives of young people are gradually being imprisoned by society. "Children" and "Old Man" seem to be the heavy responsibility of being unpredictable in every middle -aged man.

Now the cost of pension is gradually increasing. In terms of the elderly itself, it is obviously unlikely to rely on national pension.

First of all, according to statistics, in 2020, 120 million people received pension insurance for urban employees, and 160 million people received urban and rural residents' endowment insurance. The gap between the two was even as high as 3,000 yuan.

Secondly, the proportion of medical insurance for the elderly every month is relatively low. Once sick, they will "spend money like flowing water." Even the other half of the parents is no longer and cannot live alone.

These reasons are the reason why many children take their parents to take care of themselves, but there is a huge difference between "taking care of the elderly" and "taking care of children".

During the psychological counseling process, I came into contact with a case. A 48 -year -old man cried: "It is unwise, it can even be said to be the last decision to regret my life in my life."

The 48 -year -old Mr. Chen is the only child in the family. The family conditions are not particularly good, but the conditions of his wife's home are still very good. He bought a car and the house early and both parents were people in the unit.

At that time, I was a little bit of "climbing the dragon and phoenix".

After getting married, Mr. Chen worked very hard and earned a family business for himself, but there was no support from the woman's parents in this family business.

Later, the woman's parental relationship was not divorced and divorced. Under such conditions, in order to show her filial piety, she was worried that her mother -in -law was lonely, so she took her to live around her.

Even taking care of her mother -in -law as her own mother, it can be said that they take good care of their biological mothers. Later, after buying a big house, Mr. Chen also took his parents to live in the city, allowing his parents to support the years. But the root cause of contradictions is also from this.

His mother -in -law is from the city, and his parents are from the countryside. Many of his parents' actions are not used to the mother -in -law. It didn't take long for her parents to go away.

Later, the mother -in -law asked her to give her 3,000 yuan a month of living, but the mother -in -law mother -in -law only bought food, and it was still waiting for us to cook after we went home.

Since then, he has tolerated the difficulties of his mother -in -law. Now Mr. Chen regrets his irrational behavior before. 48 -year -old man: "It is not a wise decision to take the mother -in -law to the home for pension."

The reason why Mr. Chen will have such a problem is "the lack of border consciousness".

As an individual psychologist Adler once said: "Many of the troubles of most people come from interpersonal relationships. If interpersonal relationships do not exist, then troubles will no longer exist."

To make the relationship between each other in a relatively healthy state, not only the boundary sense of behavior, but also the psychological "boundaries".

From the psychological distinction of "border sense" to achieve the best health state, we can find the most stable happiness from long -lasting good interpersonal relationships. Generally speaking, if we want to achieve a goal, we need to complete three steps: Self -acceptance, trust of others and dedication with others.

Because the ultimate happiness of human beings is to know how to love others and dedicate value, and the beginning of this purpose should be to know how to love themselves. Obviously, Mr. Chen did not know how to love himself.

The reason why his mother -in -law would "interfere with others", in fact, she wanted to make up for her shortcomings through Mr. Chen, and she would have to control the interference.

This is a different psychological imagination that everyone will exist, so we cannot blame whether it is "Mr. Chen's mother -in -law" in this matter. relation. This is the so -called "distance to produce beauty".

Therefore, if you want to make your family life more successful, you must be familiar with Adler's "subject separation". First of all, you must distinguish the topic. Secondly, you must know not to interfere with other people's topics. Finally, you must know how to refuse to interfere with your own topics.

Only three behaviors are combined into one to avoid inappropriate behaviors that lack a sense of inexperience in interpersonal relationships.

"A sense of distance" and "borders" is the beginning of all health relationships. This relationship not only exists in friends and work, but also in the family. There should be a reasonable "distance" in order to not interfere with the other party's life without excessive interference, nor will it be excessively interfered with their own life by the other party.

Because all the unhappiness in the family comes from "to interfere with the subject matter or interfere with your own subject, as long as the sense of distance can be separated to separate the subject, interpersonal relationships will change greatly."

-The End -Author | Edit of Tomada | Wanan First Psychological Main Water Group | A group of young people who like to look up at the starry sky: Jean piaget biography. (2020, January 29).

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