Looking forward to recognition is the motivation to move forward, excessive expectations are the root cause of pain

In our lives, in many cases, we always hold a lot of energy and want to prove ourselves to others to obtain the recognition of others —

Parents' praise, friends' approval, teachers' appreciation ...

The recognition of others is our motivation to move forward, but the excessive expectations of others will eventually become the source of their own pain.

01

Excessive look forward to the recognition of others

Make you lose yourself

Psychologist William James once said:

The deepest needs of humans are appreciated and recognized by others.

Hope to win recognition is a normal psychological needs.

However, if you "sacrifice" your own way, you can only destroy yourself by yourself.

In the animated short film "I want to make friends with you", the mud is like this.

One day, when the little clay was passing by a lawn, he saw a pink elephant smelling flowers with a long nose. In order to get its recognition, the mud man stretched his nose and squatted on the ground to smell the flowers with him.

Turning around the corner, the two birds were looking for bugs in the trash can. In order to integrate them, the mud man reluctantly picked up the bugs from the birds, which caused the nose allergic lesions.

I don't know how long, a thinner partner has passed by the mud man. In order to cater to this partner, the mud man forcibly lengthened his legs, but it was difficult to support himself to walk.

Why isn't it in reality?

In order to get the recognition of others, keep catering to each other, but did not think about whether this is beneficial to the growth of growth.

There is a point of view in the book "Operation Psychology": indulging in obtaining the recognition of others, it is easy to be manipulated.

Sincerely, excessive indulging in the recognition of others, it is easy to be dominated by others' ideas and loses the control of self.

Any recognition that constantly hurts yourself, and any recognition that is not appropriate to grow in life is to insert your blade.

02

Blindly pursue the recognition of others

Will only lose yourself

The movie "Black Mirror-Turn Turn straight down" tells a story of pursuing recognition:

Everyone lives in a scoring system. The quality of life is determined by scores, with a full score of 5 points. To get higher scores, only the recognition of others.

The heroine Leisse encountered a high -scoring colleague in the elevator. In order to add points, Ryse tried his best to find the topic. The words were complimented with colleagues, but they were scored 1 point because of their deliberate performance.

In order to get a high score at the wedding, she even wrote a very nasty wedding speech for plastic girlfriends.

On the taxi who rushed to the wedding, the driver gave her a point for her charming words to her girlfriend.

At the wedding, Leisi's conflict was before and after, and the guests present gave her 1 point.

In the end, Lesse was put in prison for too low scores and was forced to take out the scoring chip.

Ritss was very wronged, until she saw the flying fluff in the air and saw the real world's appearance, and suddenly realized that she was lost in the praise of others.

In the book "The Bad Courage", there is a sentence that says:

If you just seek the recognition of others and care about the evaluation of others, you will eventually live in the life of others.

If you want to live your wonderful life, you must cut off the excessive dependence of recognition of others.

Only at the same time to meet external recognition and "seeking recognition from the inside" can we discover the true meaning of life and gain real growth.

03

How to live the best self?

1️⃣ Unreasonable request "Retreat

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