Why do some marriages have no derailment, domestic violence, and quarrels, but they still leave?

Some time ago, I saw a very interesting data.

In 2018, the Korean female family department conducted a survey, which showed that:

The ideal partner of Korean women is Chinese man.

The reason is: Chinese men will actively do housework.

In the message area, many Korean women say that Chinese men cook, wash clothes and other housework are very good at housework.

When I sent this data to the girlfriend group, everyone was full of question marks:

Are they misunderstandings about Chinese men?

After all, the survey data of the New York Times shows that Chinese men's housework is ranked fifth in the world.

However, it is a bit better than that of Korean men's housework in the world.

However, on the other hand, "doing housework" will become the criteria for choosing a spouse, indicating that men who do housework are really scarce.

In marriage, women still bear most of housework.

Go to work and go to get off work, busy off the kitchen, and family work is daily.

Obviously it is the home of two people, but it seems that housework belongs to only one person.

Compared with men's non -participation, the value of women's housework is often underestimated.

Doing housework is not only a physical consumption, but also a mental load that is not seen.

Housework is not only a visible to the naked eye, but also countless "invisible housework".

Hidden housework

The burden not to be seen

If you want to choose the most annoying housewife, it must be:

Isn't it just doing some housework, what can be tiring?

Those who can say such things are "shaking the shopkeeper".

Real housework is not easy at all.

In addition to sweeping the floor and moping, making meals and dishes, there are many housework hidden in the invisible places.

That is "invisible housework".

The so -called invisibility is some labor that has to be done but not noticed.

As Wang Anyi said in "About Housework":

In addition to the topics in housework, there are more names that have no names, and it is fine to ashamed of exporting work.

Take laundry.

Put your clothes into the washing machine, put it in the washing fluid, and press the opening. The key is simple.

The trouble is a whole set of procedures.

Before washing, you need to distinguish which can be washed, which must be washed by hand, and which can be stained.

After washing, dry clothes, collect clothes, and classify them in the wardrobe.

Each step cannot be saved, but what is really seen is to put the clothes into the washing machine.

There are also mop.

It's just easy to scan the ground and drag it. Of course, it is easy to clean up tools such as mop and barrels.

If this step is saved, the mop may be smelly and moldy.

There are also garbage bags for trash cans, cleaning food residues, regular cleaning refrigerators, laundering sheets, reserve family daily necessities ...

Each one looks small, but it is an endless event to accumulate. There is no end.

Only when I really experience it, can I know how cumbersome the process is, how patient and torture.

In the variety show "Men who is a housework", Wei Daxun and his father are portrayal.

In the show, the two experienced the daily housework of Mother Wei.

Wash the curtains, mop the floor, organize the cloakroom, wash the quilt ...

Only after doing this, the two were too tired to collapse on the sofa, and Wei Daxun sighed, "Why are you so tired?"

Two people do it together, and they are tired of being lazy many times.

Many women often bear more heavy housework than this.

This is the case every day, and even for a lifetime.

What can be seen is that they are busy making, dishes, and mopping clothes; what invisible is the hard work of those "invisible housework", and it is unsatisfactory.

They hidden in the tedious and fine household chores, obscured, underestimated the amount of labor, and the value was ignored.

It is not that women are born to work hard, but that they have to bear the order of family order and environment.

The spiritual consumption of invisible housework

Big beyond imagination

Is it just a healthy to do housework?

In fact, it is more tired.

Do not just do it, but also always plan to plan in your mind.

For example: What dishes to buy today, what clothes should children wear, which items should be added at home, toilet paper seems to be gone ...

Even with rest, women's minds are thinking about countless things that need to be completed.

This never -loose state is also a kind of housework.

That's why, the reason for women to be visible to the naked eye after marriage is "too worrying."

A reader once said that he admires his mother to remember everything at home.

Where is the clothes of the whole family, when rice finished eating small things, the mother knows it.

Later, when I became a mother, I found that no one taught myself to start to worry about everything.

Because you are a wife, a mother.

In a family, this spiritual load is often borne by women, and many men do not live in their eyes.

Even if I really do it, I do n’t see a series of housework at all.

I have heard the story of her dad.

On one occasion, her mother was on a business trip in the field, letting his father see if the fruits in the refrigerator were bad.

His father said it was broken, but the fruits of her mother's rotten fruits were still in the refrigerator.

And let his dad dry his clothes, he really just dried his clothes on the hanger, but did not unfold the clothes.

When I collect my clothes, I just pulled the clothes down on the sofa.

Many times, it is not that men are unwilling to do housework, but that they do not realize that they need to do housework. They must be clearly notified:

What do you need to do every day, what time to do, what extent, and what effect is present.

In other words, when men are doing housework, they are more inclined to treat them as leaders to assign them tasks.

Therefore, women have to bear the spiritual load of planning and organization of housework.

Just like the French cartoonist Emma wrote in the Gender Wars in Households: "This kind of consumption is endless, it takes a lot of mind, and there is no trace."

Men who can do housework under the command are actually very good.

The most helplessness is that many men choose to ignore all housework, and the soy sauce bottles do not help.

In a show, Hu Ke revealed that Sha Yi never did housework.

If the house was messy, he would pull away with his feet, and he would never clean up.

Sha Yi argued: "I don't do it, and I don't ask her to do it."

Is this sentence familiar?

You complained a few words, he said, "You are busy, I haven't asked you to do it";

You asked him to do it, he said, "What are you going to be so clean, I think it's good";

You say a lot, and the other party will complain "you just can't see me."

Others say that even if men do housework, they will be hastily, because my wife believes that my wife will be good.

Men's unconsciousness to housework allows women to have the housework in all times.

There are no Tianluo girls in real life. Some people have a good time, and some people go forward.

Unfortunately, most of the time, men do not know.

Housework is not a burden

Instead

In the book "Unsure Woman", there is such a sentence:

One of the gifts given to women to women is to make it a direct apprentice to do housework.

Under the shape of traditional culture and society, women are shaped into the role of mothers and wives.

Housework has become a full -time woman.

Men have been portrayed as heroes who are constantly leaving home.

Even if you do housework, you will be said to help your wife to do it.

Now that women have gone out of the house and make money to support their families, men should also bear the responsibility of housework.

In fact, the household account does not care about how much, the key is attitude and mind.

Whether men or women, voluntarily actively doing housework are out of love, care, and considerate.

Of course, women should also avoid all housework.

Men may not do well in housework at first. Don't count the decline and picky, add more encouragement, give affirmation, communicate in time, and guide over and over again.

Because men and women treat housework differently, tolerance is different.

You feel dirty, the other party feels to endure;

You think the floor needs to be dragged every day, and the other party feels that you can drag it once every two days;

You feel that you should wash the dishes immediately after eating. The other party feels that the tableware accumulated in three meals is to wash together;

Native

For these differences, we can discuss together, formulate standards, clarify each other's obligations, and avoid possible quarrels and contradictions.

Remember: Even if men do not perfect, they must let them participate.

Home is a matter of two people, not one person unilaterally.

Household chores have never been divided into love, and they are the sharing of love, and love will flow.

Many people envy Yuan Hong and Zhang Yiyi's marriage.

In a variety show, Yuan Hong got up at 6 in the morning to cook, and the meal was cleaned together.

I thought it was a show, and as a result, Li Xuan proved: Yuan Hong knew where the big and small items at home were placed.

No wonder, the two have been married for 4 years and are still loving.

Just like the writer Wang Anyi sighed:

"My understanding of men is becoming more and more ordinary. I hope he can be considerate of women and afford to a small labor for women. It seems that there are few opportunities for men to save women in Longtan, Huxue, and life is getting more and more. Full of small trivial matters. "

Many times, marriage is not so romantic and magnificent, and most of them are trivial matter of chai oil and salt.

What really promotes love is exactly the little bit of these trivial light.

Fireworks such as housework are the most incompatible.

Doing housework may be a woman's own choice. They are willing to pay, but they should not be regarded as a matter of reason.

What they want to hear is not "I help you", but "we are together."

It is hoped that one day, the "invisible housework" borne by women will not be considered "nothing to find."

The value of housework should be seen; the process of housework, men also need to participate.

Clicking on "watching", I hope that every man can learn to think in other places and be considerate of his wife's dedication.

Author: San or Three, Source: Xiao Shi (ID: SDIKID), professional and practical childcare dry goods, pre -bed stories, parent -child reading, beautiful mothers improve, select good things. Gathering experts and hot moms make it easy for the baby to make a baby.

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