How to get out of self -doubt?

Two days ago, the sister who had just worked was reprimanded by the leaders and came to me to cry. To put it bluntly, he pulled all aspects of life from a simple job problem. She said that she had no one chased, and she couldn't work, and her parents did not support her staying outside ... All the pressure made her breathless.

"I feel that I have worked very hard, but I still can't satisfy others. I probably can't do it, but it's not worthy of others, so I should go home obediently. Probably the results in school make me too negative ... I know that I really can't get out of the society. "

I really want to comfort her, but I feel that it is too light in front of her tears. The self -doubt brought by the real blow can only be polished and quenched by time, and then slowly recognize and accept itself.

So we found some of the people who once had doubts, but now people who have gradually come out, listen to how the TAs slowly retrieve their firmness and trust in themselves from the painful struggle.

In intimate relationship,

You can accept yourself before you can accept it

Tower, 25 years old

When I was a kid, I had to be very confident. I have a good grade and thin. At that time, I felt that I was so good that others liked me.

But after high school, I started to gain weight, and my grades became unstable. I think I am no longer beautiful and excellent, no longer perfect, and it is not worth having something I have once. I think that once I see the real person, I won't like me, so I desperately maintain the perfect image on the surface.

Later, if someone likes me again, I will suspect the other party's feelings for me, and ask the other party to "prove" the love of me in an extreme way. Once the other party can't stand it, I can prove that I am really not worthy of being loved. I can't get along with people I like sincerely, and I feel very false in praise from others.

This feeling of "I am not worth being loved" continued until my graduate graduation. At that time, I was severely hurt by a Neptune. After breaking up, I started to be angry and felt that even if I didn't love it? What about me so bad? I don't want to be bound by these things. I gave up my love, and I gave up with the perfect image to attract the love of others.

In this case, I met my current boyfriend. Our dramatic encounter made me meet him for the first time, showing my most authentic and even unbearable side. He was really attracted by my real, and because of this encounter, I felt that he liked the real me, not those conditions I tried to maintain the outside world.

Now I still have many shortcomings, such as emotional instability and no willpower, but I accept this imperfect self, and my favorite person also accepts me like this. I don't need to doubt myself anymore.

KY has something to say:

When people are skeptical, they have a common adverse response method, called "imposter syndrome". People often think that their achievements depends on other things, such as luck, instead of their own ability, they will feel that they are not worthy of their praise or achievements (Braslow et al., 2012).

To overcome it, you need to establish your true awareness and confidence in your own, and to be accurate to recognize your ability. A person's external conditions and inner personality are difficult to split. Only by finding a real self first and reaching reconciliation with the inner and external self, can we truly accept the love of others.

At the same time I stop deified him,

I also stopped degrading myself

Small box, 27 years old

I crush on him for 6 years.

He is the type of high -cold male god. He has a super good grade, super gentle to people, but with a little indifference. Just hit my ideal type. But my grades are average. I am not like a girl, and I often get in trouble. I feel that I am not worthy of him.

Later, I gathered the courage to confess to him, and he rejected me with the word "I don't want to fall in love now".

I started to cry in the middle of the night, go to drink, and cry freely. During this period, I kept asking myself. If I have better grades, will he like me? If I am not so careless and more like a lady, will he like me? If I do a smoother thing, would he like me?

Now I want to come, I have deified him at the time. The filter of love makes me ignore his shortcomings and enlarge myself. Judging from the comments of our friends and classmates, I was not as unbearable as I thought, and he was not as perfect as my eyes. We are not so different, we are just different.

When I gradually realized this problem, I was not so self -doubtful. I tried to put aside the filter to "examine" him and myself, and try to re -know me and him from the perspective of others. I started to see the real him and the real self, not the ideal he and inferior self.

Now I still think he is very good, and sometimes I still feel that I am not worthy of him, but this mood will no longer affect my life. I no longer sluggish in academics and work because of my self -confidence.

I no longer rationalize his shortcomings and start trying to analyze the problems between us objectively and rationally. I realize that he has always been fragile and inferior because of his native family problems, and I have always been happy and optimistic. I may also make him feel inferior. I thought I could change him, but his problem could only be solved by himself. Just like I solve my self -doubt. KY has something to say:

In love, idealization is a very common thing. In psychoanalysis theory, idealization is regarded as a defense mechanism. We cannot combine a person's positive and primitive quality, and we think that all the other party is good, or all of them are bad. This can help us control chaos and maintain positive images of others (GLASS, 2020).

(Do you also have an ideal "white moonlight" lovers in your heart? "I have never been with TA, but I have never forgotten TA."

But this excessive evaluation of others often brings self -derogation and doubts. Stopping idealized each other is the key to stop self -doubt.

We can understand each other from the mouth of different people to judge and adjust our cognition. At the same time, understand your own advantages, and measure your weaknesses without the strengths of others. In a variety of different perspectives, we can see different others and ourselves, and we will not be arrogant.

I can choose to belong to my own evaluation system

Sister Qing, 29 years old

No one around me would think that me, who has always shown people with a big sister and big, will also doubt myself.

I grew up under the pressure of this kind of "other children's children" since I was a child. I always like to praise my children when I go out when other people's parents go out. My mother will never say a good thing when I go out. Well.

We will always quarrel because of these things. She listened to others at the dinner table that her child was admitted to a PhD, and asked me to give her a PhD. It was completely practiced by the business of the business I was studying. I have a lot of me, I say that I do n’t go in -obviously others are envious of my money and idle work; when listening to other people ’s children get married, I start to introduce it to me. I do n’t want her to say that I look down on others ... ...

Thinking about it, I didn't seem to have won any praise from my mother since I was a child, no matter if I did well or not.

This long -term non -recognition made me doubt myself. Am I really doing well? Can I do better? These ideas often bother me. Even if I know my mother is wrong, I should not listen to her, and I can't help but be angry and angry because of her words, and want to prove my excellence.

However, after college, my self -doubt began to improve. On the other end of the earth, my mother couldn't care about me except the money. After graduation, I went out independently. The distance and the economy can ensure that most of my life belongs to my own control.

On the other hand, in the process of growing up, I have come into contact with different people and will also get various feedback from the mouths of different people. I know that I am good enough in the eyes of most people. Mom's standards are no longer the only standard. Getting the recognition of my mother is not a symbol of success.

Sometimes I still quarrel with my mother, and sometimes I am not confident. I know that these shadows from native families are often difficult to change, but at least I work hard on the way I want to go.

After all, there are many solutions in life, no matter how I still have to be responsible for my own life, and insist on belonging to my own way.

KY has something to say:

Excessive efforts to achieve higher achievements are also a common adverse adaptation method of self -doubt. People think that the ta's ability is not enough to allow the TAs to get their desired achievements, so they make extraordinary efforts to improve their performance.

However, the success of such efforts does not let the TAs self -doubt. Because TAs are not sure whether such success is because of the ability of TAs, or these additional efforts. TAs will also care more about the final result, not the process of enjoying efforts (Braslow et al., 2012).

On the other hand, it is undeniable that as long as a person lives in society, it will be affected by the environment around TA. According to John Kounios, a professor of psychology and brain science, after a short 20 -minute conversation, our nerve connection will change (Martinuzzi, 2021).

So who to associate with and who talks with, the impact on us is actually more profound than we think. When the people and environments around us can only bring us anxiety and self -doubt, leave, and choose a more beneficial environment and people, perhaps the key key to solve the problem.

KY author said:

In the process of each of us, we feel more or less due to the words and deeds of others, or self -perception. But in this life, it is actually the process of constantly learning and self -running, and running in with the world. In self -exploration and hard work, there will be many hesitant and pain, and will continue to experience climax and trough, and will feel that it is difficult to break away by the entanglement of the past.

But the process of moving forward is always full of tears and sweat, and backward and stagnation have their meaning.Even if it seems that you can only move forward a small step, when you look back, it may be a key step.References:

Braslow, M. D., Guerrettaz, J., ARKIN, R. M., & Oleson, K. C. (2012). Selfödoubt.social and Personality Psychology Compass, 6 (6), 470–482.

Glass, L. J. (2020, SEP. 1). At.

Martinuzzi, B. (2021, Nov. 11) .8 Ways Highly Successful Peopile Overcom Self-Doubt.american Express.

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