People with these 9 behaviors are difficult to get their partners who respect themselves

"Why do I always meet the scum man/scum girl?"

"Why do I do so well, TA still doesn't like me?"

Many people are puzzled and confused after being injured in a relationship. TAs will start to reflect on where they are not doing well and how to provoke each other's anger, and then exhaust the other party's feelings for themselves ...

TAs even constantly change themselves and cater to the objects they like, trying to get along with a "better self" in the next relationship, but the results are often unsatisfactory.

In fact, instead of repeatedly falling into the vortex of self -doubt, you might as well ask yourself: In every relationship, do you treat yourself well in addition to treating each other seriously?

"Treat yourself well", in other words, "realize self -respect." If you want a good intimate relationship, then you must realize the importance of this matter in the relationship.

Today, let's talk about this topic.

Those who cannot achieve self -respect,

What behaviors are there?

Perhaps in the process of getting along with people, you have done a behavior that disrespects yourself inadvertently. Let's take a look at the following [List of your behavior of not respecting your own behavior] -

If these situations have also appeared on you, maybe in many cases, you have no clear consciousness of self -respect.

How to achieve true self -respect?

Respect, including three important elements (Farid, 2005):

Equality: We are considered and respected by others, and we are also willing to treat others in the same way. Pay attention to: equality is the basic attitude of respect, and on this basis, we must pay attention to the other party's feelings and ideas. Dignity: More importantly, respect means treating a person with dignity.

Respecting ourselves requires us to treat ourselves with respect. It is closely related to the three major elements of respect, but it also has a deeper meaning.

First of all, it means that our relationship is relatively fair.

The fairness here does not refer to rigid and absolute fairness, but to say that there is a motivation for each other, it is a relatively mutually beneficial and considerable relationship.

Therefore, if the other party only considers his own feelings and feels that your opinions are more important, you often ignore you and even degrade you, but you still feel that you can accept it, which means that you do not respect yourself.

Secondly, respecting yourself must not only pay attention to your own feelings and needs, but more importantly, there must be practical actions.

When you notice that you are obviously uncomfortable in a relationship, you need to make practical actions to respond to your attention, including expressing opinions, stopping the opponent's behavior, or leaving this relationship, and so on.

When respecting yourself also means that when others obviously hurt you, you must have a sense of self -protection and action to maintain your dignity (Dillon, 1995).

For example, the other party ignores your opinions, forced you to do what you are unwilling, or cause substantial harm to your physical and mental, but you will not compromise this, but be able to speak and resist yourself.

More importantly, no matter what adversity and blows are encountered, you always believe that you are worthy of being respected and treating well.

When others are degraded or criticized you, you will not easily shake your self -awareness, give up your choice, or change yourself to satisfy others.

You believe that everyone (including yourself), no matter what origin, what status, and achievements, you have the dignity of being a "person", and to live based on such beliefs.

So, if we are willing to "pay" for a period of "pay" for a relationship, maybe one person always understands our preciousness?

The answer is the capital NO! because--

The premise of a good relationship,

It must be self -respect

Respect that you play a very important role in interpersonal relationships.

First of all, what way does it teach us to treat us.

When interacting with others, people who respect themselves will directly express their own wishes and needs, and convey a kind of information: "My idea is important and it is worth considering." In the future, when others encounter problems, they will also consult Your opinion is taken seriously.

Secondly, this is the embodiment of self -quality, helping us win the appreciation of others.

In the book of Dignity, Character, and Self-Respect, it also mentioned that respect for himself means that a person can clarify his own life standards and the pursuit of life and adhere to it. Adaptation and other abilities.

Moreover, in the process of practicing respect for ourselves, it is also facing the risk of conflict with others, which is also the embodiment of courage. Therefore, respect for yourself is a good quality, which can win the appreciation of others and improve the level of self -esteem.

Therefore, once a lack of respect for yourself, it will have a bad consequences.

On the one hand, the lack of respect for ourselves may induce the "bad" side of others and make others further exploit and hurt us.

If the other party obviously violates your rights and interests in selfishness, and you will not be angry and resistant, the other party will not only give you the respect you deserve, but also continue to exacerbate your infringement.

Faced with friends, family or lover, if we cannot try our best to maintain our dignity and rights, we will enter a certain kind of squeezed character and encourage others to continue to "break" (2018).

On the other hand, even if the other party does not treat you maliciously, it is difficult to develop a sincere interest in life and relationships when you can't respect yourself, and establish an in -depth link with the other party. This is because when you maintain your relationship with your needs and emotions, the other party has no way to understand what you look like, and it is difficult to further interact with you, let alone establish a true and solid emotional connection.

Moreover, because of your "sacrifice", the problems between you are calming without knowing what the other party is thinking and not being resolved.

Not only do you know what the other person feels, but you may even have some contradictions that do not exist under the backlog.

A good relationship should be based on sincere interests of each other. You will be curious about what the other party has experienced and feels, and uses this as an endless source of life experience and promoting feelings (Kernberg, 2011).

How to have a good intimate relationship?

Here are 3 Tips that realize self -respect

Tip1: Improving self -awareness and understanding of your true needs

Many people do not know how to express and how to refuse because they don't know what they really want.

(Related reading: Those who "know what they want" have these psychological characteristics-)

Therefore, when others have made contradictory requirements, we cannot perceive our inner voice accurately. That kind of conflict is very vague, so it is difficult to express.

TIP2: Set the bottom line and self -rules

The bottom line of some society should be adhered to everyone, such as not allowing violence, derailment, etc., but everyone must also clarify their rules. You can set your own bottom line in different interpersonal types.

For example, in family relationships include: involving things related to me, parents must obtain my consent in advance; in intimate relationships include: when they quarrel with a partner, they cannot be cold war for more than two days, and so on.

Once these bottom lines are clarified, they need to keep them, otherwise others will think that our bottom line can easily ignore and Yueyue.

TIP3: Learn to say "no" on the requirements that violate your wishes

For those who are not used to rejecting, there are some tips for allowing TAs to practice and learn to refuse (BRAIKER, 2011):

1. Practice the statement from the perspective of "I".

With the "I" sentence, it can show sovereignty, indicating that your rejection is responsible for your own feelings and ideas, not attacking others. Moreover, when you think about how to use "I", you have completed the identification of your feelings and ideas.

2. Adjust the rejection method, including using more firm words, and trying to explain as little as possible after refusing.

If you give too specific details, the other party may use your explanation to chase your request.

In short, a firm tone and less explanation can increase the success rate of rejection.

3. Give yourself some rewards.

Every time I say "no", I encourage themselves. Whether it is a positive self -dialogue, praise yourself "doing well", or give yourself a material reward to help yourself strengthen the concept of respect for self.

4. Finally, in the face of infringing your rights and interests, people and things that make you feel uncomfortable or cause actual damage, maintain anger and tolerance, and learn to protect yourself effectively. You can do:

Understand basic self -protection methods, such as helping the hotline, different types of help institutions. If the other party has always disrespected you and infringes your rights, you have to make up your mind to stay away from the person who terminates the relationship and leave the wrong person. Learn to identify and control interpersonal relationships. For those who have a narcissistic personality characteristics, or those who like to conceal information when they are interacting with others, and keep giving you brainwashing, you need to be vigilant.

Those who do not respect themselves can easily follow the expectations and requirements of others in the relationship. In this process, you will only feel that you have more and more deviated from your life trajectory. It is difficult to be yourself.

At the same time, when you do not respect yourself, others can't feel your value and personality. You will lose your unique attraction and may even become a "tool" for others.

Those who can respect themselves will maintain themselves when establishing a relationship. TAs will not easily give up their wishes or change their behavior to maintain harmony or please each other. This is not only an effective guarantee for self, but also helps to find the interpersonal relationship that is really suitable for them.

Of course you can understand it, but the premise must not be wronged.

References:

Brair, h. (2001). Disease to please: Curing the people-choasing syndrome. New York: mcgraw-hill.

Dillon, r. s. (ed.). (1995). DIGNITY, Character, and Self-Respect.Psychology Press.

Farid, s. (2005). Respect. Beyond intractability.

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