"I am much better" may not be the best ending

After every consultation, can I feel "I am much better"?

In the process of discovering yourself and knowing yourself, there will be less comfortable moments.

"Thank you very much for the psychological consultation you gave me several times, I feel much better," Jane said.

My heart is mixed.

People often misunderstand psychological counseling, thinking that its role is to make them feel better every week.

Many people make the effects of psychological counseling and the SPA analogy, that is, we entered with a sense of tension, and when we leave, we feel relaxed and rejuvenated. Sometimes this is true, but when the consultation is over most of the time, we will have more understanding of the severity and universality of our own problems. Sometimes we consulted with one of our own questions, but found that we had five problems in the end. This usually does not feel better.

If you look forward to your heart better after every psychological counseling, you may be disappointed.

In the beginning of several psychological counseling, consultants and visitors will understand each other and explore the problems they want to solve. If they have a good connection between them, visitors will usually feel relieved, supported and full of hope. Their inner problems are finally resolved, and the consultant also looks full of concern and understanding, will not judge themselves, and really feels that they can make progress. This feeling is very good.

As the consultation progresses, things often become worse before they improve.

Psychologist George Winberg wrote in his book "The Core of Psychotherapy":

"In the process of psychological counseling, we helped the visitors to see the universality of his problem ... as the visitor saw, 'The question is more common than I think, they occasionally frustrated ... to some extent When the problem is wider than they think, it also means that the problem will be more harvested when the problem is resolved. "(P.18)

Jane came to accept psychological counseling because he wanted to better understand the problem of dating. She compares herself as "continuous monogamy" (translator's note: a person will be invested and considerate in every emotional life, but it is not only good to one person in her life.), She will date a man with a man Until she began to doubt that the man was no longer trustworthy.

In the first three consultations, she could tell her story, vent her bad interpersonal relationship, and feel that I am trying to understand and help her. Every time she ended the consultation, she really felt much better because she was listened and supported.

But our future consultation may enter less comfortable areas.

We may find that her suspicion also made her lose a lot of friendship; it may be found that her childhood pain caused her difficulty to maintain trust; we may even find that her problem extended to her -she was very very very very It is hard to believe in your thoughts and feelings, and project these people on others. These brutal discoveries did not make her steps brisk. This is the feeling of "discouraged" mentioned by Weberg.

Many visitors will choose to terminate psychological counseling at this moment, because they find too much at once and feel a little overwhelmed. I don't blame them to feel this feeling, but will encourage them to persist. This is the pain that we need to endure for growth.

I compare this process to organize a long -forgotten basement or closet -when you start to take out things, it is easy to be at a loss by a lot of messy things. If you just put it here, you will have to accept a lot of things in front of you. But if you persist, you will see gradually progress, and eventually you will see a more organized space.

I believe that the goal of psychological counseling is to help every visitors grow in self -awareness, self -understanding, responsibility, and self -acceptance.

Rather than using Jane to feel better every Monday, I am more willing to help her know who she is, the reason for doing something and feeling her feelings. I hope psychological counseling can help her truly evaluate her advantages and limitations, and let her freely choose interpersonal relationships, work and activities that can bring her happiness, accomplishment and satisfaction.

So in general, I also hope that psychological counseling can make Jane feel much better, but I have to say that before we achieved that goal, there are still some hard work to do.

There will always be some uncomfortable moments in the process of growth and transformation. If you also want to change your current self, if you are also looking for a suitable psychological consultation, and want to grow with professional knowledge, maybe our "psychological physical examination" service can help you.

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