The biggest self -discipline of adults is to restrain their refute desire

Author: Insight · ELM

If the good is not argued, the defense is not good.

"The Analects of Confucius" records such a story.

A minister of Lu Guo abused Confucius, and Confucius's disciples passed by with a smile.

Someone asked him that Master was vilified, and you wouldn't help to justify?

Zigong answered that my master was like the sun and the moon, and the world slandered what was wounded in the sun and the moon.

"The Tao Te Ching" has a cloud: "Good people are not arguing, the defense is not good."

The top self -discipline of adults is to restrain the desire to argue with others.

01

In the novel "Three Body", there is a device called "Steel Seal".

Those who have been beaten to think of steel printing will have a narrow paranoid cognition of something.

For example, when others handed him water, he instinctively refuted: water is toxic.

Even if others told him that more than 70%of the human body is water, he thinks it is deceiving.

In the end, people were too lazy to argue with him. He was still proud and felt that he had persuaded the world with truth.

In fact, in life, ideological steel prints can be seen everywhere.

You must have encountered such a person. No matter how you put on evidence and tell the facts, he states that you are wrong in one bite.

It is not that he intends to target you, but a low -level cognition, so that he can only see the fact that he is self -righteous.

The lower a person's cognitive level, the less flexibility of thinking, the more difficult it is to tolerate different views.

In 1943, Calzon came to the IBM headquarters building and wanted to sell the invention patent of the electrostatic copy.

The manager responsible for receiving him believes that IBM has the world's top R & D team.

Even if there is a practical invention, it is not a nameless man.

When Karson introduced the invention content, the manager frequently interrupted it. First, he questioned the high cost and bulky body shape of the copy machine, and then asked: "We all have carbon re -writing paper. What do you want you to do?"

Until Calzon responded to these questions one by one, the manager still asked his resume and asked: "Isn't your job as a lawyer, how can you do the job of engineers?"

Calzon heard the words and left angrily after putting away the drawings.

Five years later, IBM President Thomas noticed that a new company named "Schole" in New York developed rapidly and snatched a large number of IBM business.

After investigation, he found that the hot -selling product of Schole Company was a copy of the office, and the design director was Karmon, who was originally rejected by IBM.

The founder of Bridge Water Fund Ruida Dalio once said:

Compared with what you know, it is the most important thing to deal with "unknown" properly.

Habitual refutation is just to isolate your horizons to the world of "unknown".

Think that others are useless, not omnipotent, just reveal their ignorance.

02

There is a hot topic on Douban: What is a really mature sign?

A comment was praised countless: one day you found that fewer and fewer people needed.

Su Shi was pointed out by the nine -year -old Zhang Yan, who was pointed out in the poem. He never thought of recovering his face with a debate, but respectfully called the other party as "Master".

When the president of Peking University, Lin Jianhua, was questioned in public to read the wrong word, thanks to the students who criticized him.

People who have seen the world understand their smallness, and know how to listen in front of different views.

Google Director David once called a subordinates named Johnson to the office and pointed out that his voice was too loud when he called, affecting other colleagues.

Johnathan in turn questioned David: "When you called a few days ago, aren't you talking loud?"

The surrounding employees held their breath, and a fierce quarrel was about to erupt in the office.

But after a moment of silence, I only listened to David and said sincerely:

"If I speak too much at that time, I apologize to you, and you can point out at any time when you find that I do this. But you really have a good call today, which has nothing to do with others."

Later, at a product seminar, someone proposed to customize exclusive news for each customer.

Everyone thinks that this proposal is whimsical, but David thinks that "trying it is always okay."

Two years later, Google News, which is automatically arranged by the algorithm, went online to become one of Google's most successful projects.

In more than ten years of career, David has accepted all criticisms and welcomes any ideas.

Because of this, he helped Google to get the title of "the world's most innovative enterprise" for 4 consecutive years.

Charlie Munger said that the goal of a successful person is not to convince others that he is right, but to understand who is right.

The difference between people is nothing more than someone who keeps a parade, getting the road narrower and narrower;

Some people have a rich three -dimensional three views, to accommodate the diversity of the world, and accept the multi -dimensional views.

With a smile, he is far more close than the sword; calmness is far more than the anti -lip.

03

Writer Wu Jun mentioned a friend of his own during his speech.

When the friend just went to the sea to do business, he fiercely argued with ten dollars and the boss of the stalls.

Later, he became the owner of a listed company, and was misunderstood by the waiter when he was eating in the restaurant.

He did not argue for himself, but immediately paid the money again, and then hurried away.

He explained to Wu Jun: "It's not that I don't care about money, but for me before, ten dollars may be a half -day income. For me now, it is enough for me to make several meals. Money. "

A grain of stone fell into the well, stirred up the ripple, and fell into the sea, but there was no wave of waves. When a person's pattern is large, many things become worthless.

Harvard professor Julia Dal has loved debate from an early age.

Gradually, she practiced the debate that allowed everyone to say, but the intimate friends had alienated one by one.

Julia began to realize that the contest was to win, and the rebuttal in life was often to cover up her weakness.

In order to arrange the quarrel with roommates on duty, it is because I do not have the economic conditions of renting a single room;

Trying to persuade the teacher to modify the curriculum is because I failed to get more ideal results.

Native

After thinking about this, Julia devoted all his thoughts to his career and strived to improve his professional level.

From the captain of the high school debate team to the world school debate championship, with the continuous advancement of the development platform, Julia discovered that there were fewer and fewer things that were unwilling.

She said in TED's speech:

"The only thing we can achieve is that we cannot reach an agreement on anything. But we can grow through ourselves so that we cannot reach an unanimous thing and become insignificant."

The real masters are not competing for high and low in words, but only in action.

If you do not argue in trouble, it is not to show weakness. It is precisely to use limited energy to cultivate yourself and improve yourself.

▽

After reading a paragraph, I feel deeply:

"Also someone scolds you on the ground, when you stand on the foot of the mountain, you will fight back;

When you stand on the mountainside, you will think that it is to say hello to you.

You stand up to the top of the mountain, and there are thousands of miles in your eyes. "

The higher the realm of a person, the more he can tolerate and accept the difference between others with a transcendent mentality.

If one day, those who were out of anger began to become light and light ...

So congratulations, your pattern has reached a new height.

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