Ye Si | "I am 32 years old, my parents never knock on the door when I enter my room"

Xiao Nian said:

Parents always think that they should not knock on the door of the room to enter the child's room, but the children think that they have violated their privacy, and the family contradictions have arisen.

This article provides a new solution to such problems and relieves family contradictions. in

Recommend to you, quiet night.

"I am 32 years old, my parents enter my room and never knock on the door":

Do parents need a certain sense of boundary?

Source: One Psychology | ID: yixinligongkaike

Author: one psychology

Recently, a netizen posted a post and vomited his parents into the room and did not knock on the door, and was reposted by countless people:

I was still in my sleep in the morning, and I heard my parents open the door to go to the balcony to get clothes, and then "bang" to close the door; still in the Internet class, parents came in and out of their own care; My father broke in only wearing a pair of underwear.

The comment area has rejoiced: I am myself, and there is almost no privacy at all. Parents lack a sense of boundaries, and it is no wonder that young people are unwilling to live with their parents.

But for my parents: I bought the house, and I was raised by me. Do you have to knock on your room? I haven't seen anything when you were a kid. What happened to my XX? Wings are hard, and talk to my mother -in -law for privacy? ... ...

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Don't knock on the door, it is a right

In the incident of not knocking into the room, the child's bitter parents have long been embarrassed.

Probably the embarrassment of the parents who have experienced the parents without knocking in each age can make people feel particularly the same.

Come in early in the morning to lift the quilt and call you to get up for breakfast;

Knowing that you call or work in the house, you break in and speak loudly;

When I feel quiet in the room, open the door to see what you are doing

Native

Every move can make people caught off guard.

That feeling was that when they did something, they were interrupted by the sudden pushing in, scaring sweating.

Even though I didn't do anything bad at the time, but that time, I made myself subconsciously put away what they were doing to avoid them, and I really felt guilty ...

Ran Gaoming once said in "The Story of the Strange": Parents are older, their curiosity is getting smaller and smaller, and their world is getting smaller and smaller. The only thing that can make them curious about this world is because their children are their children Also live in this new world.

The world behind this door is the world where parents are curious.

Children's psychologist Winnikot said: Children have a "symbiotic" relationship between children and mothers.

Obviously, with the adulthood of the child, parents who do not knock on the door are still eager to feel the lively dependence of life through "symbiosis".

In the consultation, I also met the mother to consult with the child. A mother said frankly: Whenever she saw the child's door, she would be uncomfortable, as if she was abandoned by the child.

Because knocking on the door means "loss" for parents, what is lost is the narcissism of "fully controlling a life".

You can enter the room without knocking on the door, which means:

I can still have the sense of control of my child at any time.

What is even more outrageous is that parents think that this so -called sense of control is to "express love" and even "send surprises".

Just some time ago, a foreign mother on Tiktok shared a video and was criticized by netizens.

The cause of the matter is that they "do not knock on the door" incident together:

The mother has a son, 23 years old, and lives independently by himself. Because the son updated on the social platform, he said that he had a girlfriend. The old mother was curious and wanted to see the girl with his own eyes. So the next day, he drove to his son's house directly with the key, approached his son's bedroom lightly, and opened his son's door.

Then, opened the son's quilt directly, climbed up the son's bed, and shouted: How are you?

At that time, the son and his girlfriend hadn't got up yet, and naturally he was frightened.

Afterwards, the mother also proudly regarded her behavior as a surprise to her son, and also on the "surprise" photo of the "surprise" PO on her social platform.

Sure enough, the comment area is full of criticism. One of the netizens' comments are very excited: this is the way to make the son no longer talk to you.

Because when the child feels that his privacy may be treated by his parents at any time.

Children will instinctively rise to defense and regard the closest parents around them as their greatest enemies.

Even if the parents' original intention is not to care, after all, "love is not a courier, can I still have to open the door?"

As a result, the lock door became the most direct confrontation.

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Lock door: the blocked heart door

A few days ago, a friend talked to me about her brother locking the door.

Adolescent boys, obsessed with novels, locked the door every time, can not be called to eat.

In fact, this seemingly rebellious and even provocative behavior is just a corner that is not easily disturbed at home, and repeatedly declared to the parents:

I have matured and needed to have their own territory.

However, anxious parents often can't bear their temperament.

Once, Dad asked him twice and did not open the door.

Dad simply kicked the door with a kick, and when he went in and pulled him, he fought.

It is not difficult to imagine in this scene:

Every time the parents come in, there is only a little private space.

In the hit drama "Juvenile School", after finding that her mother Wang Shengnan entered the room to peek at her diary, she not only asked in the face, but also locked the door of the door. "The note.

It is said that he has no human rights, and has no privacy as a cat. He does not eat or drink on the bed.

Behind these behaviors that make parents feel uncomfortable are the way children are trying to defend themselves and protect themselves.

From the perspective of development psychology, children have been self-awareness since the age of 2-3. With adults, children's self-awareness has become more and more obvious.

His values ​​will change from "you" to "I", "I have grown up, I hope to have my own space."

With self -awareness, children will no longer be satisfied with the puppets, but to build their own psychological boundaries through their own various resistances and create their own psychological space.

Locking the door is like a "psychological wall", and the door carries the child's sense of security.

Therefore, for children, lock door = self -space = security.

The sense of control obtained in physical space will naturally extend to psychological space, allowing the relationship to evolve from children and parents to adults and adults.

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The sense of security behind a door is given in two -way

So, parents always come in without knocking on the door. What should we do?

Of course you can lock the door directly. The door lock the door can be separated from the space. If it is supplemented by a relaxed and humorous reminder, it is better.

For example, hanging a small voice at the door, so that parents will have a psychological preparation before entering the door. Many unnecessary conflicts will be resolved in a crisp "welcome".

But I don't encourage you to lock the door often, after all, the avoidance strategy is not a long -term plan.

Especially in the face of lack of security, this may not be the best choice.

Behind the eagerness of peeping, not only can there be a psychological separation, but also the sense of weakness of the children's increasingly weakness, and the fear of being disgusted and abandoned by the children.

After understanding this, a small door of the sky has the opportunity to become a bridge.

So as a child, you may take the initiative to communicate with your parents and tell the truth.

Let them understand that your lock door is not closed to them, and it also makes them understand that the premise of opening the door is just from their respect.

for example:

When I was chatting with my friends in the room yesterday, you suddenly came in and called me to eat without knocking on the door. I felt very angry.

After all, I have grown up, hoping to have an independent space that belongs to myself.

But this does not mean that I hate you and don't want you to know what I am doing.

It ’s time for me to worry about it. At that time, I hope that I can think down alone. After I think about it, I will take the initiative to communicate with you.

Next time you want to tell me that eating time is here, can you tell me on WeChat in advance, or knock on the door?

Of course, it doesn't matter if you can't do such a sober restraint.

Because the establishment of some boundaries is to run out of the chicken flying dog jumping and putting it out. As a parent, in the face of the required signal issued by the child, try to use less power and use more influence.

After all, parents should be the source of security, not producers of fear.

"Respect" is the ability of each parent to cultivate, and "seeing" is a function that every parent needs to restart.

Seeing, another 4 levels:

Seeing the feeling of the child; seeing the fear of the child; seeing the real needs of the child; and seeing the uns separation part of yourself and the child, completing psychological separation, and believe that the child can handle his own affairs.It's like waiting for flowers.

The door that seemed to refuse thousands of miles away, in fact, as long as it taps gently, it will squeak and open it quietly.

The world loves you.

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