Don't think about chatting with friends, go out of all the dilemma

The difference between looking for a friend to chat and the consultant is:

This is not just a chat.

First of all, you need to have friends. (Sorry, this is a cold joke)

But if this sentence supplements the full version, it is the real answer most of the time--

First of all, you need to have a friend who is willing to continue to talk to TA, and TA can give you proper response.

For example: TA can give you full understanding and support for a long time, making you feel accepted.

However, each part of this full version is not easy.

01

Talking to friends is very risky, but the consultant will not

Most of our relationships with friends have gradually developed from shallow to deep.

In a relatively shallow position, we can talk about our own hobbies, talk about people and things, and entertain together and play together. This is a safer position.

Because it does not involve itself here, if there is contradiction, it can be interpreted as not suitable for each other.

If you want to continue, it is the "confidence" that everyone often says.

Concerning mind means exposure: exposure of secrets, fragility, exposure damage, exposure of error, fear, grievances, greedy and hate that cannot be avoided by people.

But these are likely not to be accepted, and they will also attract evaluation -attack on you.

Therefore, finding friends to talk about distress is adventurous. Under the premise of uncertainty, not everyone is willing to take the danger.

In the practice of consultants, there are two bottom lines, one is confidential, and the other is not to judge the visitors at will.

If a consultant commented on your wrong right like a aunt in the neighborhood committee, don't hesitate to end the consultation directly.

On the other hand, it is actually a matter of high -minded or being able to seek support and help from friends.

Most of our relationship templates with friends come from our relationship with important family members.

If in early experience, when we learn pain, we can actively seek comfort and support from others, and experience the role of these comfort and support, then we can continue to use this in other relationships in the future. Way.

On the contrary, if no one makes such a demonstration, or when we take the initiative to try, we get a bad response such as rejection, attack, indifference, degradation, etc., and we will not make such an attempt.

But this will affect the establishment of a deep and intimate relationship.

Therefore, many times, the work content of the consultant includes:

者 Reinstate the visitor to trust the relationship

适 Find out the interpersonal relationship mode that visitors adapt to poor adaptation

会 Help visitors learn to express their needs in the relationship

支持 Seeking comfort and support

密 Establish a solid and intimate relationship

The ultimate goal of consultation is actually hopeing that the visitor himself and the support network around them can replace or even be better than the consultant's effect.

02

Friends may not be able to accompany for a long time, but consultation can be a long -term relationship

Sometimes, we can occasionally talk to friends, but if we do this for a long time, it is difficult for us to worry about ——

Am I continuously output negative energy, can my friends be able to withstand, will I feel that I am annoying?

One of the differences between the relationship between consulting relationships and friends is that we are "doing money".

For people, persistently looking for consultants does not increase the pressure to others.

Of course, even if the visitors pay, they are still afraid that they will have a burden on the consultant, which is also worthy of discussion--

For people, persistently looking for consultants does not increase the pressure to others.

Of course, even if the visitors pay, they are still afraid that they will have a burden on the consultant, which is also worthy of discussion--

Why do you have such concerns in the relationship? How did this worry come from? What kind of impact is worrying on the relationship itself?

Through discussion, it will focus on and solve some year -round problems.

03

Friends' response may not be objective, consultants can help you grow up

Let's not say that those friends who will judge people at will, we will say that they can provide friends who accept and encourage them. This is very good, but it may not be enough.

Because, friends lack some objective perspectives-

For example, someone always encounters a "scum man". Friends can accompany you to scold every "scum man", but you may still have doubts in your heart, "Why is it always me?" " ?"

In the consultation, if you find a dilemma that is always repeated, there may be different perspectives.

This is not to discover your "wrong", but to see if it is possible to get more powerful and more active positions from a passive victim.

So if you need it, it is recommended that you can talk to the consultant.

This may bring you more discovery and growth than simply chatting with friends.

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