Can you really see your own problem?

"This name itself has edges and corners."

Text / Zhang Thorns

Many people misunderstand the meaning of "getting along", or they ignore the meaning of "getting along". They always think that as long as they stay in the same space at the same time, they are called "getting along."

But in fact, "getting along" is "dealing with each other."

A bit around, let me explain slowly.

The girlfriend invited the boy to watch a movie. The boy knew that it was a bad movie, so he didn't want to go, but he didn't want to sweep his girlfriend's Xing, so he agreed. As a result, when the movie theater, the bad movie was really bad, so the boys were "speechless" throughout the process.

After the movie theater came out, the girlfriend began to be bored, and the boy asked her what happened.

She didn't know how to answer, so she had to say "it's okay."

So the boy kept chasing "what happened" until a quarrel broke out. The last quarrel was that the boy shouted "I don't want to watch this film", and my girlfriend said aggrieved, "I don't have to force you to watch it with me."

Well, in the above example, I believe most of the people who have been in love have experienced it.

Then we look back, where is something wrong?

I used to feel that no one was wrong, because the original intention of the two was good.

But now I think that my boyfriend has a big problem.

Because he didn't understand how to get along with himself.

Yes, the most critical part of the above example is not that they are noisy later, and "how noisy", but "how he did it when a boy didn't want to go."

First of all, the intention of "don't want to watch a movie", no matter how much he knows he knows, he can't know.

Because your thoughts, as long as you do not express, it is impossible for others to know.

From the perspective of a boy, he did two things after "don't want to":

First, he suppressed his "don't want" and did not express it;

Second, he wanted to take care of his girlfriend's feelings, so he promised to watch a movie.

Many people will mix these two things together as one thing.

But we all think of two things, it will bring two very different feelings.

The former is depression, and it is never a comfortable thing to press and not the table, which means tight and self -attack.

The latter is goodwill, and the needs of taking care of girlfriends are a particularly good thing. It should be warm and comfortable.

But the two add up are not the same. It has a new term called "sacrifice".

What does "sacrifice" mean?

"Suppress your needs and take care of others' needs."

So the "goodwill" mentioned earlier will have a layer of "grievance".

The result of grievances is also obvious, just sad.

So can I understand why I say that boys have a big problem?

In fact, he has seen his needs, but because he did not express his needs, and at the same time, he did not see himself regarding "two things" as "one thing", which led to a better thing that was better.

But I think you are also very clear. I don't have condemning the boys' meaning.

Because it is difficult to see.

Not to mention the "Two things as one thing" mentioned later, and even when you see "you don't want to watch a movie", many people cannot do it.

But the word "intimate" of "intimate relationship" is wonderful.

Because it is intimate and because of enough understanding, sometimes the other party can really help you see it.

If the girlfriend in the example can see the emotions of the boys when watching a movie, and help him express it (ask him: "Do you don't like this movie"), then I think all the potential contradictions will suddenly suddenly suddenly suddenly. disappear.

Two people are together, except for "whether there is a house" floating on the surface, "the work is stable and unstable", and "is there any money at home", it is a real relationship.

I said at the beginning of the article that it was not "staying in a space" and called "getting along". It was "handling the connection between each other."

The "connection" is that when the other party is taken away and does not know, he can help the other party to see, and even if you do well, he can help the other party through that little difficulty.

But it is still the same, and I have to see the other party when I see that I am so difficult to see each other. In fact, there are very few people with this ability. At the same time, it is not seen on the paper, so if you really encounter this kind of People, please remember, you are very lucky.

In the end, I hope everyone knows that although I talk about men and women in the article, in fact, "seeing" and "getting along" are irrelevant.

It is our own subject and the topic that we face with close partners.

Share a good luck lying in my arms

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