Education, start with talking with your children well

Wen Original | Hexi Mom

Two days ago, my friend talked to me, and she torn her temper to tear her child's homework.

It turned out that the child did a wrong question when doing homework. The friendly heart told her to let her change. The child not only did not change, but also said: This is my own homework, you can't control it! "This made friends very angry, and yelled with the child:" You love to write or not, so simple questions can be wrong! " You didn't listen carefully! Don't go to school if you don't go to school! "

As a result, he was eager to tear the child's homework.

Afterwards, my friend regretted it and felt that he should say it to the child, but at the time he couldn't control it.

How many parents had guilty after the fire and told themselves and decided to be a gentle mother, but they couldn't control each fire.

This is like a very hot sentence before, "I know a lot of great truths, but I still have a bad life." I read a lot of parenting books and articles, but I still couldn't control my yelling.

1. "Reaction to set the potential"

As mentioned in educational psychology, people's thinking process in solving problems is affected by various psychological factors. One of the influencing factors is called "reaction settings". It means that when solving problems, people tend to make a tendency to react in the most familiar way.

When many parents are facing their children's errors, parents will naturally rush their children to yell or scold. This is the response. Parents are used to using this method to discipline their children, and children will be obedient at the time. So the brain is accustomed to solving the problem by roaring.

The negative impact of this reaction settings is that the thinking activity that will solve the problem to solve the problem and hinder the solution of the problem.

This is why some parents say that they can't control their own fire.

2. The influence of native families

The founder of individual psychology, Adler, once said: "Lucky people have been healed by childhood; unfortunate people have been healing their childhood throughout their lives."

Once a 30 -year -old mother said, "When I was a kid, my mother often scolded me, lost my temper to me, and degraded me everywhere. When I grew up, I decided to have a child and never scold her. But now I am myself. After becoming a mother, even if the child made a small mistake, I would jump like a thunderous, I couldn't control my roar and scolding the child, and eventually lived as my mother. "

Teachers or parents who often treat their children severely, they think they are "educating" children, but they are just venting their hate from childhood. It is not difficult to overthrow parents.

The negative impact of the native family is like a thorn deep into the heart of people, becoming a lingering pain in life.

3. Emotional problems

The work is not smooth, the family friction, the conflict of interpersonal relationships, etc., the events in life are always affecting our emotions. When emotions are out of control, they often passion and reasonable.

In the show "Starting", telling such a story. In the impression of Xiao Wang, his mother is particularly like to complain, complaining about life being unfair to himself, complaining that he had married the wrong person, chose Xiao Wang's father, and did not let himself live a good life.

The unsatisfactory life leads to Xiao Wang's mother who is always emotionally out of control. As long as there is something unpleasant, he will go his temper, abuse, and various poisonous tongues.

Evidence shows that when human nerves are out of control, the nerve center of the edge brain announces an emergency state and summons other parts of the brain to obey its emergency scheduling. Nerves out of control occurred in a moment, stimulating an immediate action response. At this time, the new leather layer in charge of thinking is not as good as comprehensively observing the current situation, and the correctness of judging action.

The characteristics of neuromedicity are that after the out of control, the out of control did not know what happened at all.

Therefore, people's "reaction settings" psychology, native family, and emotional issues are constantly affecting parents, making them unable to control their temper, and roaring children.

However, do you know, often scolding, roar has a great impact on the physical and mental of the child, do parents dare to often yell at children after reading it?

1. Physical change

A experiment by Dr. Essen Cross, the University of Michigan, tells us that the pain in the brain area is very similar.

In other words, when parents yell at their children, the trauma that the child suffers emotionally may be comparable to the pain of the body's injury!

If the parents yell for the child for a long time, the child will even have a physical response due to the unable to solve the pain in their hearts, such as abdominal pain and abdominal distension, indigestion, headache, fever, and so on.

2. Brain changes

Frequently roaring children's yelling, it also has a great impact on the child's brain.

Professor Hong Lan pointed out: Brain science uses the nuclear magnetic resonance brain -making technology to find children who are often scolded by childhood, and the hippocampus that stores memory has shrinking.

This also means that children who have been treated rigorously by their parents for a long time have obvious memory damage.

Moreover, from the perspective of brain development, when parents are scolding their children and children are in fear or pain, the child's brain function will begin to disorder. When brain disorders and children repeatedly experienced fear in interpersonal relationships, hormone cortisols will be released, and then it will have a negative impact on brain development. Because cortisol is toxic and side effects on the brain.

Therefore, from the perspective of the body and brain, the roaring discipline method has a deep negative impact on the child.

I often hear parents voicing: "The child is getting more and more disobedient! No matter how to use it, you will care for a while, and you will commit it in a few days!" /38/55 law ". In other words, when communicating with children, the information he perceives: 55%of the information is to see by eyes. The listening part accounted for 38%. However, what you listen to is not what you say, but your tone, tone, speed, and sound. In the end, only 7%left, what you said to him.

In other words, parents yelled with their children, and only 7%of the children could hear. The remaining 93%, he is watching your body language and listening to your tone.

Therefore, what parents can do is to talk to their children well. During the communication, the child's hand was pulled, and his voice was gentle, and his voice should not be too high. Only when the child feels better can he listen to the adult's words.

Secondly, do not try to persuade your children every time to avoid "power of power." In "The Weakness of Humanity", it was mentioned: "When a person's‘ No ’says out, he hides the consciousness of rejection and resistance in his heart.” The more he tried to convince him, he would only “resist”.

When the opinions are different, use understanding and respect to treat the child. When parents respect their children, their children will restore their sense. Otherwise, you will win the truth and lose your relationship. After all, parent -child relationship is the basis of education.

Finally, parents accept their emotions. Admitting that he is not a perfect parent, but also when he is angry and fragile.

Even if we make mistakes, it can be valuable, because we can teach them, we are also mortals.

He apologized sincerely with your child, responsible for what happened, and strive to make up for it. These are also an educational experience for children.

Otherwise, when we are overwhelmed by our lives, we cannot accept our emotions, and it is easy to yell at our children.

So take care of ourselves and take care of our children's life!

I am the author of Parenting Parenting, Xixi Mom. Welcome to follow me, we are positive energy parenting together, alleviate our parents' anxiety, and raise positive baby at the same time!

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