After having children, how to maintain and improve the happiness of the family for a long time?

Recently, in some hot search, there is a question about what moment the newborn family feels happy and how to improve happiness. Parents have recalled those happy clips in the past, and the comment area is warm.

"That day, when you were tired of getting out of the house after get off work, the child showed a bright smile, and called" Mom "with a milk cute voice and rushed into you in your arms."

"But no matter what, with him, happiness is full. After all, even if he makes you angry, he will hold you and say," Mom, I love you so much, you don't want to be angry. "

"That day, the sun was shining, climbing a mountain panting himself with the child, and suddenly he heard that two little you chased me and rushed down the hillside. ","

"Anna Kalenina" said that a happy family is the same, and the unfortunate family is different.

People cannot predict what the child's life will become like, and they feel that they will gain joy. Everyone said that nothing is more exciting than the birth of a new life. Babies are the crystallization of love and represent new hope. Babies melted people's hearts with their cuteness and brought people into the world of peace and love.

Babies are so soft and fragile and have no resistance to the world. They need adults and adults to nourish them with love. They were unprepared to adults and played with people openly.

People may feel that they are doing well in their families, but when they face the actual pressure of parents, they can't help feeling a bit of bitterness.

The birth of a child should have brought joy to the family, but why does it become a disaster? The story seems to be developed like this: After the child is born, the intimate relationship between husband and wife is disappeared, romance and passion will retreat, and the family's focus will be transferred to the child.

The two sides used to be very good lover and friends, but now they don't spend a little time for each other. The two sides no longer date or have in -depth conversations. Because both sides are lonely, they are easily attracted to people other than marriage. Most affair happened after the child was born, and the family became a quarrel battlefield.

The worst thing is that language conflicts will be upgraded to physical violence. A study in the United States shows that 37%of the breeders have encountered domestic violence in the other half. Another study shows that 30%of domestic violence occurs during women's pregnancy. No wonder the divorce rate is as high as 50%, and most of the divorce occurs within a few years after the child is born.

At a professor of psychology at the University of Washington in the United States, 130 pairs of young parents were observed during the 13 -year research process of "Pope of Marriage" John Gotman. He found that in the first three years when the child was born, 2/3 parents have experienced a significant decline in the quality of the relationship between the two parties.

In the face of various pressures and problems after children's birth, how should we maintain and enhance family happiness? John Gotman gave detailed steps to maintain the family in "Happy Family".

01

Maintain the first step of the family: conflict management

Of course, the new life will bring a lot of sweetness, but the conflict and hostility of both husband and wife have increased significantly. At this time, the relationship between the two parties began to become a bit bitter.

Children's advent will bring a lot of housework. The little baby eats milk every two hours, even at night. In addition, the way that babies make need to cry are crying.

This means that babies will cry often: the diapers will cry when they are wet, they will cry when they feel painful, they will cry when they are flatulence, they will cry when they are afraid, they will cry when they need to hug them, and they will cry when they are hungry ... Mowing

At 3 o'clock in the morning, his parents walked around at home, trying to coax them to fall asleep. Parents and babies dance together and sing for them. From 1 to 100, try to make sense with them, shake them, and bath them.

Parents repeatedly clean up the baby's saliva, vomit and urination. Even if you look in the mirror, you have to hold them, you have to take them when you go out, and you have to divide them to them.

Because parents are always around the baby and cannot get enough sleep, they will be tired and angry. This is normal, everyone will do this.

When you feel stressful and tired, many people will quarrel, which is a natural phenomenon. The secret of conflict management is that the two sides should carry out "constructive quarrels" instead of "destructive quarrels". "Concentration" means respect for each other, mild but not picky, and be responsible for yourself without taking a defensive attitude.

"Concentration" also means listening, not unilaterally preaching its own claims, and repeating their own words. Conflict can help people better understand each other, but people must open their hearts and listen to each other's opinions, instead of stubbornness.

After the conflict occurs, if the two parties do not respect each other, the conflict will become destructive. The two sides will only criticize each other or silently and self -defense. The relationship between the two sides is no longer harmonious, and the two sides have no sense of humor.

In this way, intimacy will quickly decline, such as thin ice. The two sides are either noisy or having a big noise or escape from reality ... No one wants to become like this.

However, if we can manage the conflict well, the relationship between the two parties can be further deepened. In this way, people can better cope with stress, better cooperation, and better move towards a new stage of life.

02

Maintenance Family Step 2: Let go of everything and focus on the children

Compared with adults, children have two significant differences. First, children's time view is different from adults. For children, time seems very slow, they need more time to respond and understand what happened around. When the mother tongue tongue tongue, the baby would imitate the same movement, but they needed 40 seconds to spit out the small tongue. Usually, adults are too busy to ignore the baby's response.

Adults need to slow down before playing with babies. If you turn off your mobile phone and TV and slow down the pace, adults will have a stronger life experience, which is the same for babies.

Children can focus more on the present and enjoy the present than adults. Unlike adults, children do not pay attention to a few things at the same time. They do not need a shopping list, no schedule, no need to do, and no need to create their own resumes. At this moment, they are with their parents.

If we can stop and no longer busy, we just enjoy the time with our children, how happy it is, and the child will be very happy. They will feel their parents' attention to themselves, because their parents really take time to understand themselves.

Playing face to face will make them understand that the outside world will respond to themselves and will not ignore their wishes -at this time, parents are the entire world of babies. If people can do the following two points, babies will benefit a lot:

Keep enthusiasm and provide emotional support for babies;

Respond to the baby's signal in time.

03

Maintenance Family Step 3: Don't let your children witness quarrels

We have to warn all parents: parents should never let babies see their quarrels. Parents' quarrels will cause great harm to the baby. The more fierce the two sides are, the greater the damage. What parents want the least is to hurt their children. The following is the way of solution.

Both parents must make time to solve the problem. If the current topic will cause conflicts, then parents should not be mentioned at this time, but should be resolved privately. Some successful parents have a specific meeting time every week to resolve the conflict between the two parties. It is best to ask a question in turn, instead of a chattering and long discussion.

Parents should not discuss problems during meals, which will not only lead to poor digestion, but also cause children to have dysfunction in the future.

If the parents are very noisy in front of the child, then the harm to the child will be very great, and the parents need more time to comfort the child.

Children need to be comforted and supported. Parents can hold their children together, but the premise of doing this is that the relationship between the two parties is very peaceful.

04

Maintenance Family Step 4: Actively repair the relationship

People often hurt each other. People blurt out and refute, which is very annoying; when the other party sought help, people only return to insult. The other party originally wanted to seek attention, but it could only fail. People wake up to take care of their babies all night, so they cannot understand each other, which is reasonable. Sometimes people don't care about how to reply to the other party because they are too tired. The communication between the two sides was drifting. What should I do?

The answer is simple: I tried to repair it after messed up. The repair method may be a few simple words or a gesture. Just like on the baseball field, through a simple gesture, the two sides are a teammate. However, repairing the joint efforts of both parties can work.

The best word for repairing the relationship is "sorry", and people can no longer be familiar with this sentence. Of course, saying "sorry" must be from sincerity, and is willing to make changes for this. In fact, in addition to saying "sorry", there are many communication skills that can help people repair the relationship between the two parties when they speak. for example:

1. My reaction is too extreme. I'm very sorry.

2. I might be wrong.

3. I am really angry.

4. Let's stop for a while.

5. Let me try again.

6. You must be injured.

7. I apologize. My emotions came up all at once, and I should take a break.

There is no so -called "correct" repair method in the world. If you want to restore the effect, one party must be willing to repair, and the other must be willing to accept.

Professor of Psychology at the University of Washington and "Marriage Pope" John Geterman's new masterpiece! The book "Happy Family" is a heavy work that this book is based on more than 40 years of research and took 15 years.

This comprehensive guide to all partners who raise children is to help the partners who can calmly cope with various problems after the child is born, and have a closer relationship and healthy development of babies. The book contains 15 test questions and 23 exercises to help the partners perform targeted exercises on the premise of fully understanding themselves, so as to obtain a happy family.

The family is not only a body of the body, but also the sustenance of the soul.

The husband and wife work together to build a love castle, which can bring the children's full -time childhood, and the light of life.

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