What kind of parent -child relationship should parents and children have

Many parents like to read in front of their children the "children of other people". However, what children grow up are inseparable from the performance of their parents at home. Rather than telling the child all the time, I mean to point out: "Look at the certain family ...", it is better to answer a question in turn:

"Are you a parent of someone else's family?" You know, the family is the first school of children and a lifetime school. What kind of parents are you, it is really important for children. The following four methods, see if you are in the middle?

One, everything gives everything

I heard a friend who said a small thing: a friend who has a good relationship with a good relationship, everything is good, just to be too spoiled to the child. What the child wants, as long as you open your mouth, there is nothing to give. Slowly, the child did not even say "I want". When he met what he wanted, he took it directly, and the family still met all his requirements. Just take your own family, but this child is accustomed to the idea of ​​"I want anything", and gradually began to do so to others.

Seeing the good -looking stationery of classmates at school, often do not ask for self -proclaiming. If others do not give it, they will draw a desk textbook for others. There is also a shopping mall to see what interested, and it is also directly self -dismantling packaging, leaving parents to apologize while paying. With the degree of petting at home, there is no shortage of schoolbag toys at all. But he is still accustomed to grabbing others. In fact, it is not really needed, just because he was used to asking for the desire to be demanded by his parents, and he lost what should be taken and what should not be taken. Parents who give everything, they are mistaken for the expression of "satisfaction of desire" with love. However, desire cannot be stopped. What you want is actually instilling the child's concept of incompleteness and incompetence. The children raised by this approach are either a white -eyed wolf or a giant baby who can never survive independently. Each child is a piece of white paper, which requires correct education to guide. The rational parents know what to give, what should not give, and let the children understand what should be, what should not be obtained.

After all, children always fly on their wings. Whatever, it is better to give a good character.

Second, always emphasize your sacrifice

There are such parents who always put the "for you" and do ten words. Have you ever thought that the child could not even choose it by himself, but passively became a owner. In each sentence, "I have done so much for you", I was deeply tortured by shame and guilt.

Russell mentioned in "The Road to Happiness":

Parents should not do more for their children as much as possible. Parents who sacrifice themselves often have extremely selfishness to their children, and they will be emotionally grasped emotionally. Excessive concern is often pretending to be possessive.

The third story "The Last Day of Jasmine" in the unit drama "Your Child is not your child" tells the girl Jasmine, a girl with excellent academic science, and one day suddenly jumped off the balcony and ended his life forever. Jasmine's mother got the opportunity to return to Jasmine's memory. She wanted to find out the real murderer who killed her daughter, but finally understood that it was her herself who killed Jasmine. Highly educated mothers have been worried about the things that have not continued to be studied at that time. She desperately put pressure on the children; even using a monitor to monitor the behavior of the child, and always emphasized that "If I did not have you, I was a professor now. It's. "Jasmine took good results, and she wanted to take all the credit:" If it wasn't for me to stare, do you think you can take the first place? "Even the child gave the fare when he went to school, and said," These of you The taxi fares are all saved by our province. Study well, otherwise you will not be filial! "And under this voice, the jasmine of personality, preferences and self is swallowed. Pain and despair. Before jumping off the building, she picked up the knife more than once to cut her wrist.

Love is never sacrifice, but instinct. Parents overdo the sacrifice too much will make their children breathless.

Third, ignore emotional companionship

Knowing a single mother, in the early years, she was unhappy. After the divorce, she worked alone with her daughter. Undoubtedly, this mother is very excellent, but the misfortune of her marriage before making her lacks a sense of security; she always hopes to give her the best everything to her daughter, so she devotes themselves into her career and often run all the day. I am trying to make money desperately. The little girl cried and had no trouble, and finally could only get used to it slowly, and gradually knew: Mom will not appear at my parent meeting, the mother will forget that I have not had dinner, my mother will not remember my birthday ... Mom was pleased with the child's sensibility, but later discovered that the child and herself gradually alienated from when they did not know when. When she proposed to give her a birthday gift, the child thought for a long time, but finally said carefully that the mother was working hard, and I didn't want gifts. Children who are lacking in love often become more passive in friendship and love, and are even used to flattering. Because the idea of ​​"need to pay first and prove your own value to get care" has been deeply rooted in TA's heart. If you are a parent, you must convey your love to your children. Not only do you not be absent in your life, but also emotionally absent. You know, emotional and rich children can better love themselves. Parents teach children what love is, in fact, it has given children a precious wealth. A child who knows love is often gentle and powerful.

Fourth, love derogation and negate children

Cai Kangyong once said:

"The purpose of criticism is to impress each other so that the other party can recognize their mistakes and return to the right track instead of degrading each other." In life, we all hate those who are unobstructed and always deny to others.

Without him, being with such a person is too tired and consumes himself. However, many parents know how to take care of others, but when they return home, they open their mouths and count their children. When the child does make a mistake, it is okay to criticize it appropriately. But there is always no denying. When the opening is a derogatory words, the blow to the child's heart is unimaginable. Words hurt people, even more than halberds. Some words are forgotten, but the damage will not disappear.

Just like the nails full of nails, even if you pull off the nails, you will leave the wound that cannot be eliminated, and the pain that is difficult to fade after years. Children have natural trust and dependence on their parents. No one is inferior at the beginning, but the repeated denial of the parents will deeply brand the "bad" cognition in the child's heart. This native inferiority will bring the shadow from childhood to life. Everyone wants to be affirmed, and children are particularly recognized by their parents. Instead of destroying the child's expectations with the cold negation, it is better to use mild encouragement to help them establish self -confidence and become a more and more brilliant self.

Parents who are truly wise know how to be severe when it is severe, and gentle when we should be gentle. After all, we are in the process of growing up

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