Your childhood injury, don't leave it to your child anymore

Teacher Wu Zhihong, a psychologist, said something very worried:

Home is a passing channel for love and warmth, and it is also a transmission channel for hate and injury, but filial piety lets us only see the former, and deny the existence of the latter. So, under the banner of "the world's parents", parents can give their children wildly, like their parents hurt themselves, and then pass on hate and injury.

I believe no child, I hope I grew up with injuries.

However, our parents often hurt our children.

Because they were born weak, they had no ability and did not have the courage to resist, so they could only press the pain in their hearts.

But we have to say a word to them for granted: "Mom and dad are like this."

As a result, from generation to generation, continuing the damage.

You know, the best gift for a family is to inherit love.

Those wounds that we have suffered from childhood, don't leave it to children anymore.

In recent days, her friend Lily was distressed because of childcare. She said:

"I seem to treat my daughter as my childhood, and then treat my daughter in my early years."

When she was a child, when she couldn't meet her father's expectations, her father would use cold words to fight her self -confidence, scolding her not to use it, and not to be able to use it;

When she made a mistake, her father would rush her to the courtyard of the late night to punish or drive her out of the house.

On that terrible night, she felt like she was abandoned by the whole world.

Even after many years, the feeling of fear and helplessness will still flood in her heart.

Now, her first mother seems to be the same as her father.

She will also say something to her daughter, and she will also pull her daughter to the dark living room for punishment.

Once, her daughter cried and swollen her eyes and asked her aggrieved: "Mom, do you don't love me?"

At that moment, she blame and regret it, but it won't be long before she began to make the same mistake.

As a parent, many times, we are raising children with their feelings and instincts. When there is a problem, we will only think that it is wrong.

When we change the parenting method again and again, we find that we cannot reach the ideal state.

In fact, in the process of parenting, we often have the shadow of the native family and the experience of childhood growth.

If we have been hurt in childhood, the integrity, independence and boundaries of our internal space will be more or less damaged.

If we have no internal province and awareness of the trauma of our inner space, this trauma may appear again in parent -child relationships, and then destroy the child's inner space, which is called "the intergenerational transmission of trauma" in psychology.

Continuing our childhood pain to children is the biggest injustice to children.

They are also independent people, not the scapegoat of our childhood pain.

They have their own thoughts and their own souls. They have no obligation to bear the same pain as our childhood.

Breaking the curse of trauma, don't make children look like us, give children a unique and happy childhood, is the greatest responsibility for them.

Psychologist Adler once said:

"Happy people have healed their lives with childhood, while unfortunate people have cured their childhood with their lives."

During childhood, the harm that parents brought to their children will penetrate their physical and mental like toxins. As they grow, toxins will continue to deepen.

When they cannot reconcile themselves with their childhood, they usually have two conditions: one is to attack themselves inward and the other to attack others out.

Feng Yiguo, a senior psychological counseling worker, shared such a story.

A man working in the education industry has a pair of cute children. As the pillar of the family, he is responsible and is a good father in the eyes of the children.

However, his relationship with his wife was not very good. He was afraid to go home and was afraid of facing his wife, because he didn't know how to communicate with his wife, and even many times he had to pass the child through the child.

Later, he met another woman, and the woman hoped that he could divorce his wife.

After his wife knew, he threatened him: If he dares to divorce, she will leave the world with the child.

When his son knelt on the ground and begged him not to leave, he could no longer suppress the pain in his heart, crying like a child.

It turned out that when he was 8 years old, his father abandoned him because of extramarital affairs.

The night when his father left, he also kneeling in front of his father, crying and asking his father not to leave, but it was nothing to help.

Since then, he has told himself that when he grows up, he should not be as irresponsible as his father. He must build a happy family.

I never thought, but now he scarred his home.

It seems to be a curse of a native family. Childhood trauma has been deeply hidden in his heart. In the past many years, he has experienced another identity.

We often say that wounds will heal, but scars will be accompanied by a lifetime.

In fact, it is difficult to establish a positive self -image when carrying childhood trauma.

The lack of self -confidence and self -worth caused by this will also affect all aspects of their lives.

If you can't come out of the shadow of your childhood, even if you grow up, they will still live under the haze.

Because the injured child in their hearts was trapped in painful childhood.

Dalachen's "Out of the Trauma of the Native Family" wrote: "Native families can shape our past, but cannot restrain our present and future."

Everyone is born with the ability to heal and re -grow. We have the right and ability to rewrite our lives.

If you don't want to repeat the pain in the parent -child relationship, we must find a way to rescue ourselves from the pain of childhood.

In this way, we can establish a healthy and stable parent -child relationship with our children.

☆ Facing the pain of childhood, it is possible to cure it

Swiss psychologist Jung has a term "shadow", which means the psychology that cannot be presented in the sun, and will finally hide in the shadow, but it will not disappear, but it will be in a destructive way we cannot control. Appear.

The same is true of our childhood injuries. We only faced it frankly, facing the influence of it on us, and druming the courage to spread it in the sun.

Only by moving towards the light can we really get out of the darkness.

If the injury is too deep and lacks enough courage to cross the first step, then we must seek help from professionals.

☆ Accept your imperfection and reconcile with your childhood

In the show "Wife's Romantic Travel", Cai Shaofen talked about his damage to his native family.

When she was a child, because her parents were divorced, she was inferior and had no sense of security. She felt that she was the burden of her family, and even claimed that she was garbage.

Fortunately, when she grew up, she was not traumatized in her childhood trauma.

She bravely separated from the past, reshaped herself with a positive attitude, and stepped out of the shadow of the native family step by step.

Today, while working hard, she has also gained the best love for her husband and children.

Perhaps as her husband said to her, there was no hurdle in life.

As the saying goes, changes that can be changed, acceptable.

The pain of childhood has become a fact. We can't change, but we can do it in the past, but we can do it in the past.

Learning to accept your imperfections and work hard to reconcile with your childhood is the best farewell to the past.

☆ Let your children become children and make you become yourself

I have read such a sentence:

"Children have the right to be a child. They have the right to play and play in their childhood.

Cultivating children's independence and self -worth since childhood is our responsibility of our parents.

Respecting children's physiological development laws and letting children grow freely and happy is also our obligation to be parents.

If you hurt your child because of childhood trauma, don't blame you to be a good parent.

In this world, there is never a perfect parent, and childhood trauma will not disappear at once.

Every time "damage" is actually a chance to grow up.

I just hope that after every "damage", we can get the courage to apologize to the child, and reflect on ourselves deeply, and no longer make the same mistake.

The path of parenting has never changed children, but to change ourselves.

When we become better, children will naturally be aligned with us.

someone said:

In addition to supporting a child to grow up, the process of breeding children is a self -cultivation!

We must not only pay attention to children, but also we must pay attention to ourselves.

Only by constantly awakening and growing up can we have the ability to break the "curse" of the native family and no longer leave the pain to the children.

Click [watching], I hope that every child in the world can have a happy childhood;

Before each parent loves children, learn to love yourself!

Author | Cake, Pen Ink Paper Paper, Chai Mei Yanyan, first -hand text, one -handed life.

Picture | Visual China

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