The contradiction treatment method of many children's families: "Dan" in the Ming Dynasty without impartiality

■ Feng Yongping

A few days ago, a friend complained: "In the summer vacation, the two children often made a little noise for a little bit. After a while, the sister complained that the younger brother had moved her stationery. Very unconvinced! "

The words of my friends remind me of a distressed news reported by the media in May this year: When an 13 -year -old boy in Anhui went out with his mother and sister, because of a little trivial matter, his brothers and sisters quarreled. Pain criticism. I never thought that the little boy jumped into the river in a hurry. Fortunately, he was rescued by the firefighters to avoid the tragedy.

The tragedy of a small contradiction between children was heard. More, there are some brothers and sisters disagreement. You cry and make a chicken fly. Most people think that the noise between children is a bit contradictory and insufficient toothy, and there is no need to be nervous, just grow up. In fact, even between brothers and sisters, long -term contradictions and entanglements will cause children to feel faint and cracks.

Some American scholars followed the survey of a group of people born in the 1970s when they found that if the childhood family environment is stable, the relationship between brothers and sisters is harmonious, and the children grow up into the society, not only are they in a peaceful personality, but their interpersonal relationships are particularly smooth. The popularity is good; in the workplace, this is called high emotional quotient. In fact, this is the result of the influence of the family environment. It is the habit and mapping of brothers and sisters in childhood. Undoubtedly, the good habits and good products developed in childhood will bring happiness to life; bad behavior habits, poor psychological state, and even interpersonal relationships will make our lives full of trouble and distress.

People born in the 1960s and 1970s remembered that there were many brothers and sisters in the family at that time, and their parents had no time to take care of each child. They slowly formed the solidified thinking formula in each other: everyone knows that their brothers and sisters are their brothers and sisters " "He also knew that he was going to rely on the asylum of his brother and sister. Few people deliberately challenged the" authority "of his brother and sister; and his brother and sister naturally believed that he had the right and obligation of protecting and modest brothers and sisters. This natural default mode of getting along has long been a traditional paradigm for brothers and sisters. Thanks to the parents' letting go at that time, they exercised their children's ability to solve problems.

The changes of the times affect the traditional family relationship. The emergence of contradictions between some children in many children's families has attracted people's attention.

The contradictions between children are mostly caused by their parents' improper family education, which leads to children's psychological imbalance. For example, in the case starting with the article, the sister and brother had contradictions. The parents first accused the sister of the sister and let the sister humble the younger brother. The second was because the children were compared with each other. Cause.

What do parents deal with contradictions between children?

First of all, parents must control their emotions, calm down, and ask the ins and out conclusions of the ins and out. When many parents saw their brothers and brothers crying, they didn't ask the green soap and white, and they were a training to my brother and brother. No matter who they were, the parents were full of ears. This domineering reprimand is not useful for reasons, making the children and children very useless, there is a great grievance in their hearts, and some children even have resentment. I still remember that when I was a kid, I grabbed things with my brother, and I was obviously ignorant, but my parents only kept roaring: "I don't know letting my brother?" I immediately obeyed my parents' commandments and gave my brother to my brother. In fact, my brother would not lead his parents and me at the time.

The growth environment of children today is very different from the last century. Many children have a particularly strong self -consciousness. I saw a young mother who persuaded her to save money in the mall and don't buy the most expensive toys. As a result, the child gave my mother enough to say: "Why not let me buy the most expensive?" I think, at this time, the mother wanted to talk to the child and thrift, and the child must be a meal again: "Why should it be cleaned up? I save? "The hustle and bustle of the earth has been immersed in the cells of many children. If parents do not have sufficient reasons, they cannot be convinced by rationality, and they only rely on preaching. I am afraid it is difficult to obtain a good educational effect.

Secondly, the problem of introspection of education balance is to reflect on whether there is a biased phenomenon in the care of children, and "sunbathing" the love of children. People must still remember a poem in the Indian poet Tagore's "Bird Collection":

The farthest distance in the world

Not life and death

But I just stood in front of you, but you don't know I love you ...

In the minds of parents, every child is his favorite. But where would the child know that the parent's heart is the same size? Children only see the superficial phenomenon, and they cannot understand the complex emotions of their parents' true love. The small resentment slowly accumulated again and again, becoming a sink in my heart. Therefore, parents should not only balance their love for each child, but also highlight love and let them know. When the child knows the principles and principles and principles of parental affection, the eldest child and children will be relieved, and the resentment between brothers and sisters will disappear.

Again, parents should learn to be an educational hidden person, or to be an out -of -field instructor, grasp the principles, and do n’t go to the end of the scene in person. Give their children the opportunity to fight and let them learn to deal with contradictions and resolve disputes themselves., Accumulate life experience.Besides, between brothers and sisters, there are no contradictions and unsolved puppets.Most of the children had just "flashed and thunderous", crying for a slippery ball, and wept tears. Suddenly, they "rain and sunny".The ancients said very well: "Those who are stunned have to be wisdom." Every time the child successfully resolves a small contradiction and small dispute, he has a step closer to maturity and wisdom.(The author is the editor -in -chief of the editorial department of "Family Education" of Women's Cadre School in Zhejiang Province)

- END -