Early love, learning, chasing stars, and tempering?You don't mess with adolescent baby!

Although everyone knows that the only constant thing in the world is change.

But the change of adolescence still caught many parents by surprise.

Before, the little ghost who shouted "Boys hate!", "Don't play with girls!"

Before, I also chased Altman, Super Flying, and Princess Aisha.

Before seeing my mother, she got up and hugged and kissed the sticky baby. Suddenly, she couldn't get one.

And what makes parents most unacceptable is that the baby suddenly said seriously, "I have thought about it seriously, I really don’t want to go to school anymore!"

My goodness! Doctor, the baby is a thing!

Calm, your baby has no one, it is only adolescent.

Early love, learning, chasing stars, and tempering, these are the normal performance of adolescent children, and parents need the correct guidance and response of parents. Below, Qiu Changjian and Zheng Yaozong of the Psychological and Health Center of the West China Hospital of Sichuan University have come to tell parents why adolescent children are prone to these four major problems, and how to correctly guide and help children handle them.

Just after October 10th, it is the 30th World spiritual health day. The theme of this time is "the mind of youth, youthful youth", and calls on everyone to pay attention to the psychological health of young people.

In recent years, the incidence of mental and psychological disorders of adolescents has gradually increased, and even vicious events such as extremely suicide have occurred. From the perspective of inpatients received by the Psychological Health Center of the West China Hospital of Sichuan University in the past three years, the proportion of children and adolescents has risen year by year. From 8.94%in 2018 to 16.99%in 2020, that is, in the Huaxi Psychological and Health Center, 17 of the hospitalized patients are children or adolescents.

Now the baby is too fragile, saying no, scolding, and no scolding. It was like we were picked up by my mother -in -law at any time when we were young. "

If everyone thinks so, it is really wrong! The current social environment, learning pressure, and living conditions have changed greatly compared with 4050 years ago. Children will definitely encounter some new problems and new challenges in their growth.

Don't look at the nourishment now, the baby has a misunderstanding that the baby is high -horse. They feel that they are all adults. After all, they are still minors. For them who have not developed their physical and mental, they are facing learning. When stress, interpersonal relationships, and parent -child relationships may be overwhelmed, some problems are outbreak, and even in the mood of depression and anxiety, if they are not timely and effective, they may develop into psychological diseases.

It is not to make anxiety for parents, but to let everyone face up to the children's problems in adolescence, and correctly understand their emotional starting points in order to better deal with and cope with difficulty in adolescence.

Here I will share with you a case encountered by the Psychological Health Center of Huaxi Hospital.

This girl has always been a "child of someone else's family" since childhood. She has good grades, obedient, and well -behaved, but after high school, the whole person has changed -conflict with classmates, unsatisfactory test results, criticized by teachers, parents of parents, parents Thinking all this is the adverse effects of her secretly love with the same table.

Parents should put pressure on early love, and the teacher also reminded the two in public in the school that the discussion of the classmates made the girl more difficult to accept, insomnia, expression, skipping classes, refusing to school, scolding by parents ... Such malignant ... The cycle made her overwhelmed, and her progress became a state of rejection, rejection of communication, rejection of eating, crying when she cried, and trembling.

At this time, the parents realized that her daughter might be really sick, and she was diagnosed with mental disorders after being brought to Huaxi.

Hi, doctors, do not necessarily wait for them to play friends like you? "

On the issue of early love, most parents' reactions are a little too excited. In fact, we and children should admit that love is beautiful. It is not a bad thing, and we should not sneak. The principle of responding to parents is to manage, but it is necessary to pay attention to the management of methods and methods.

Parents should do this

First of all, if you are sure that your child is really early in love, parents should not immediately deny the child's feelings or arbitrarily stop, but respect them. Children enter adolescence and start paying attention to the opposite sex. This is the normal physiological and psychological development law of people. Do n’t admit it yourself, you may not have to quietly like others ’experience when you are studying? Suddenly, I saw the favorite baby passing by in front of them. When I saw the favorite girl, she stood under the Qili Fragrance, and the heartbeat had to be slowly shot. If the same scene was switched to his baby, it was not acceptable? Intersection

Second, try to talk to the child, affirm the beauty of love, guide the children to speak in their hearts, and enter the child's inner world. Once the parents enter the child's heart and understand their true thoughts, they will have the opportunity to let the children learn to think rationally. While not denying the legitimacy and rationality of love, they will analyze the disadvantages of early love. To let them know that the path of life depends on the choice of countless small forks, let them think boldly, explore the true direction of the true heart, and do not give up the real scenery for a while. When necessary, parents can also collect some cases of puberty early love, so that children have a comprehensive understanding of this matter.

Third, the reason for analyzing the child's early love is whether the classmates are excellent, or they are just the comparison and curiosity of early love between classmates, or because of family (such as family and parents' poor relationships). Find the entry point. Fourth, for the early love that has interacted between the two parties, parents can find a classmate who loves early love after obtaining the consent of the child. Do not do things that hurt each other, and can even encourage work together to learn and advance together.

In the psychological counseling clinic, parents came to consult a lot about their children's hate. Some parents found that their children left a note and wrote "I am too tired, I don’t want to learn." Some children are looking for Various reasons do not go to class, and more serious are soft and hard to be sent to the school, and even the door of the door is unwilling to go out.

Many parents think that it is a problem, but from the perspective of a psychiatrist, it is not only a problem, but also a signal. For children with emotional problems, not going to school may be a self -protection of him/her. Parents should seize this signal in time and think about why the child hates to school.

Adolescent children are having to learn, there may be the following reasons:

1. The lack of internal dynamics, regarding learning as a bitter affairs, affected by long -term negative emotions, having the psychology of learning;

2. Learning goals are too high, and they will have a bad school because of the failure;

3. Not interested in the content of learning;

4. Parents' pressure causes children to fear learning;

5. The single teaching method of schools and teachers may cause children to be tired of school;

6. The teacher's improper punishment, especially the public punishment, hurts the child's self -esteem, leading the child's rebellious psychology;

7. Children with good grades are often very strong and strong. Sometimes because of a decline in a grade or a mistake in the exam, psychology cannot bear the unwillingness to learn. If parents do not comfort their children, they will increase their children. The mood of learning.

Parents should do this

First, affirm the child's distress. Fully communicate with the child to release the child's emotions, and then guide the child to correctly understand the problem of schools and teachers.

Second, strengthen children's identity of their own identity. After entering the adolescence, the child is no longer a pure "child". They also realize that they are growing up, thinking about "who am I" in learning and life, and what. However, due to the busy academic and confused of identity positioning, and many network information that exposed to physical and mental development, adolescent children are anxious because they cannot complete their identity of their own identity, and then avoid learning. Therefore, parents should help their children find their own advantages, sincerely encourage and praise, express understanding and support for the shortcomings, and help children to improve their identity.

Third, learn to reduce pressure on children. At the junior high school stage, the strength of the academic studies is indeed very large. Parents should cultivate their children's time management ability early, so that they can separate their primary and rush, and the primary and secondary arranging their learning tasks. Parents do a good job of logistical support and help their children to reduce stress during a limited rest time.

Fourth, cultivate children's interest in learning. Parents must be sure of their children's learning ability, so that children can feel that they can overcome all difficulties in learning. At the same time, they guide their children to master the correct learning methods and be good at thinking, rather than passively accepting knowledge to improve the efficiency of learning. If the child has a sense of accomplishment in learning, he will have the interest of learning.

Adolescent children chasing the stars crazy, and it is also a problem for parents to get brain pain--

"The walls and mobile phone are all stars 嘞 posters, photos, and the brain is painful!"

"You have to check in every day, what is superior to what is going on, the key is to delay learning!"

"You Tian also said that going to the airport to pick up the plane. I never said that I would never pick it up when I was on a business trip!"

Native

Parents, calmness, stars chasing in youth is a way to obtain self -identification, seek a sense of belonging, and even alleviate academic pressure. Of course, the kind of blind chasing the star that is not thinking about the tea rice is not thoughtful, and the six relatives do not recognize the star, but after all, it is a very small example. What should be responding to the star chasing.

Parents should do this

First, don't blindly suppress. Parents should respect their children, and to understand that the core of children worshiping idols is value identity, it is inevitable for growth, and it is also the only way for psychological growth. Don't blindly suppress your child's hobby. When parents try to suppress their children's "fanaticism", children will have rebellion and self -protection psychology to their parents. It will aggravate his "fanaticism". The best way is to understand them, based on identity, and in guidance. For example, parents can develop clear specifications and reach consensus with their children. If they are normal and reasonable, they can allow children to do it. Those who exceed the normal range cannot be done, and they are reasonably told that the child cannot do.

Second, proper guidance and suggestions. Parents can also improve their children's trust by expressing their recognition of stars and guide him to share his inner activities with his parents to understand the inner needs of children's idol worship. After fully communicating with children and forming empathy, parents will use correct values ​​to guide their children not to treat their hobbies as the whole of life, so that children to maintain their corresponding hobbies, they must also have their own learning, entertainment, and social life. At the same time, provide corresponding suggestions for the psychological needs of children. Third, diversified training. In response to the psychological needs of children, parents can encourage their children to choose the right idols, broaden the scope of worship, and avoid single obsession, such as choosing scientists, sports health, entrepreneurs, etc. as their own spiritual idols. At the same time Personality.

Fourth, if the "person set" chased by the child falls down, you should analyze such incidents correctly, establish the child's correct outlook on life and values, and strengthen parent -child relationships in life, and communicate more. Basically prevent children from going astray.

Doctor, we entered the rebellious period, and suddenly seemed to change the person. "

In this case, parents do need to pay attention to the state of emotional preparation of aggressive behavior. Children who are prone to provoking them may be tight for a long time or nerves, or they may encounter dislikes such as setbacks and injuries.

Adolescent children are prone to anger and temperament

There are several main reasons:

1. Children in adolescence usually show strong impulse, weak emotional regulation, poor self -control, and changes in hormone levels caused by body development, which is easier to emotional. In addition, the level of testicular hormones increases and 5 -The lack of sorinerine will also enhance the experience of individual bad emotions;

2. Climate and seasonal changes will also become a induction factor in anger. Cigarettes, air pollution, and hot environmental factors will also lead to short -term emotional changes. For example Not good, if everyone cares about such topics, leave us a message, and find the time to set up the time!

3. The child has encountered an external attack, causing bad experiences such as pain and humiliation. These experiences awaken the child's anger;

4. Impact of the Internet, film and television, and media. Watching some violence videos may allow children to release hostility. For example, after watching a social news about child victims, children may make a more hostile explanation about the behavior of others.

Parents should do this

First, sort out the source of stimulus: find the cause of the emotional changes of the child, and solve the dilemma that the baby may face one by one. If it is an external injury, parents must do their best to support their children and help children deal with problems that may be encountered.

Second, attitude discussion law: Parents can encourage their children to reason the information they receive, let children learn critical thinking, do not be emotional when encountering problems, analyze the cause and effect, observe the advantages and disadvantages, and control the paranoia. In this process, parents should avoid provoking the fire between parent -child, let alone punish and question their children, but respect them and guide them to think about objective reality.

Third, stop attacking: Angry often causes a series of attacks. Attacks include outgoing attacks and introverted attacks. Parents can bring their children out to play more to avoid repeatedly experienced anger emotions, eliminate stimulus sources, and let their children's physical and mental busy busy are busy. stand up. In the process, parents must also make an example to make a sample of emotional stable emotions. It should be noted that sometimes children's adolescence may just enter the menopause and often lose control, so at this time, parents who need to be more stable in emotions, such as their dads participating in children's education more.

Fourth, teach children to control themselves: Parents must strategically cultivate their children's legal awareness, so that children know that citizens have no special legal significance in civil law after the age of 14, but they have iconic significance in criminal law. Children who are 14 years of age but less than 16 are in the stage of "relatively criminal responsibility". If you do excessive excitement due to emotional management problems, you need to be criminally responsible.

Recalling youth,

I hate myself who is lazy and not reasonable.

---

Think about children,

It's just that we are lazy and unreasonable.

I don't know what we are anxious?

references

Zheng Yaozong, Zhang Wuhua. Young psychological health 50 questions. Chengdu Times Publishing House, 2021.

Author

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