Reading the heart of the heart | How to break the barriers of parent -child?

Author:Guangdong Provincial Hospital Time:2022.09.22

Medical Guidance: Professor Li Yan

If it is a poor child. Fifteen years ago, due to the work of parents, if he had to stay in his hometown, he was taken care of by his grandmother and grandma. Her personality is sensitive and weak, she does not know how to communicate with people, protecting herself like a little hedgehog. Even if she returned to her parents later, if she was not particularly happy, she hid carefully, and all the secrets were quietly recorded in the notebook, and no one told.

Facing the situation, her parents were very eager to change Ruo Ruo, so that she could become a "ideal" child in the eyes of her parents, but she was very effective and even felt weak. The mother adopted a strong suppression and duck -filled education. She only saw that if the academic performance was not satisfactory, and ignored the handmade ability of Ruo Ruo Ruo Ruo, she found that if there is a "bad habit" of grandma and uncle, she will scold Her tough asked her to correct; her father only obeyed her daughter's request, and wanted to compensate for this. In the face of the contradiction between mother and daughter, she was just with mud, but she was doting on the surface and never walked into her daughter's heart.

In the face of such parent -child barriers, how should parents break up step by step?

1. Find the reason behind and understand the child's state

The long -term absence of parents' raising and companionship has led to the lack of psychological capital to attach emotional attachment to their parents. She has no confidence in her parents' love, and feels that she is not loved and does not know how to love others. Parents should first understand the reasons and needs behind the behavior, especially emotional needs, and re -accumulate emotional capital.

2. Clarify the boundaries, manage self -emotions

In the process of getting along with the parent -child, there will be complex and previous emotions, so parents should first realize that they and their children are independent individuals. The stress and emotions are projected on the child. We must perceive their emotions, clarify the boundaries, and learn to manage themselves.

3. Learn to be affirmed and encouraged, and discover more children’s flash points

In parent -child getting along, children are more eager to hear affirmation, praise and support from their parents' mouths to obtain self -worth of recognition. If the parents are encouraged to affirm the child with the advice of the psychological counselor, and support if she is creating a lot of hand -made arts such as the house and bridge she is good at. Therefore, do not hesitate to affirm and encourage your children, especially dig more flash points on children and help children develop it.

4. "True love" first, then "reasonable"

"Love" can be expressed in language. Such as: "I have been wronged for so many years, you have worked hard." "Seeing you, I also feel grievances and uncomfortable." In fact, Ruo Ruo's mother loves it very much. Ruo Ruo ’s tailor -made new clothes, etc., personally, if you do all kinds of matters, unfortunately, the mother’ s love was not understood, but it was overwhelmed by the principle that the mother often talked about. Therefore, parents can express love more directly, express emotions, establish emotions first, and then export the principle.

Only love, understanding, care, trust, and hope can be eliminated and melted only by love, understanding, care, trust and hope.

Medical Guidance: Li Yan, Professor, PhD in Medicine, PhD instructor, Chief Chinese Medicine, and National Psychological Counselor. He is currently the director of psychological sleep specialty in Guangdong Province. Worked the title of talent talent in Guangdong Province, the title of young Chinese medicine medicine and Yangcheng good doctor in Guangdong Provincial Hospital of Traditional Chinese Medicine. He is currently the chairman of the Sleep Psychological Professional Committee of the Guangdong and Western Medicine Society in Guangdong Province, deputy chairman of the Guangdong and Western Medicine Society of Traditional Chinese and Western Medicine Society, and deputy chairman of the clinical medical and psychotherapy professional committee of the Guangdong Provincial Clinical Medicine Society.

Shi Cheng, Beijing Guang'an Men's famous Chinese medicine and Professor Xiaolin, Professor Zhang Xuewen of Shaanxi University of Traditional Chinese Medicine, Professor Huang Huang of Nanjing University of Traditional Chinese Medicine, and Professor Li Fazhi of Henan University of Traditional Chinese Medicine. In the process of clinical practice for many years, a traditional Chinese medicine theory guidance system mainly focused on the "typhoid fever and six classics", "spleen and stomach theory", especially good at using the theoretical guidance of the theory of "Treatise on Febrile Six Classics" and "Spleen and Stomach Theory". Seizure, sleep disorders, panic disorders, bipolar emotional disorders, schizophrenia and other mental and psychological sleep -related diseases.

I have received systematic psychological analysis, cognitive behavior therapy, family treatment, marriage therapy, family system arrangement, sand table treatment and other schools of psychotherapy. Various therapies and other therapy, disease involves various types of sleep disorders, depression, various neurosis, interpersonal difficulties, young emotional behavior disorders, abnormal marriage and family relationships, abnormal parent -child relationships, occupational adaptation difficulties and other kinds of psychological obstacles Essence

Diagnosis time: Monday and Third morning (Psychological Sleeping Department of the Outpatient Clinic of Dade Road General Hospital of Guangdong Provincial Hospital of Traditional Chinese Medicine), and on Thursday morning (the special clinic for the fifth floor of the West District of Dade Road General Hospital of Guangdong Provincial Hospital of Traditional Chinese Medicine).

Brief introduction

The Psychological Sleeping Specialty of Guangdong Provincial Hospital of Traditional Chinese Medicine was established in 2005. Since its 14 years, it has developed rapidly. The specialist currently has 9 clinicians and 3 psychotherapists. The annual outpatient number of more than 30,000, the treatment rate of pure Chinese medicine is close to 95%, and the effective rate is more than 80%.

Psychological sleep specialties involve various types of sleep disorders, mental disorders, psychological disorders, and some incurable diseases.And adjust poor interpersonal relationships, abnormal parent -child relationships, learning impairment, adolescent adaptation disorder, and abnormal marriage relationships.The clinical diagnosis and treatment process of the department attaches importance to physical treatment and psychological treatment. According to individual needs, the treatment plan is highly individualized.There are selective combination of traditional Chinese medicine soup agents, acupuncture, psychotherapy, physical therapy.Carry out special therapy such as personal psychotherapy, group psychological treatment, sleep cognitive behavior treatment, hypnosis therapy, sand table treatment, acupuncture, and other special therapies. The clinical effects are significant and the characteristics of traditional Chinese medicine are prominent.

Supply: Ma Ying Ling, a psychological sleep specialist in the Guangdong Provincial Hospital of Traditional Chinese Medicine, Zheng Liming