When the parents talked, the child's heartbeat was soaring 190 times?Junior life education starts with parents first

In the new semester of this year, life and health education officially entered the classroom of primary and secondary schools. The psychological health of the adolescents, the efforts to cooperate with home and school, and finding the focus of education are essential.

"2022 National Depression Blue Book" was released recently, and one group of survey data attracts attention: Fifty of patients with depression patients are students at school, of which 30%of the total number of depression patients under 18 years of age; and students lead to students Among the causes of depression, interpersonal relationships account for 77.39%, and family relationships account for 69.57%.

At a young age, what are the troubles?

"Family relationships have always been a vital impact factor for adolescent psychological health. I have encountered many children in different families at home and abroad, and each child seems to be the same type of family." Recently, well -known psychological experts Professor Li Weirong, the clinical director of the Family Institute of the Asian Family Treatment and the Shanghai Family Institute, accepted an exclusive interview with this reporter.

Li Weirong has close cooperation with the children's diagnosis and treatment departments of the mental health centers across the country. In her opinion, almost all those families who "get sick" are "playing" the same script. To strengthen the education of young people, first of all, parents need to start with parents -parents must first establish a correct outlook on life and become a role model for children.

Children's pressure: Guarding the "worrying" family relationship

"Now, some people always say that children's physical and mental health problems are increasing because of academic pressure, and the facts are not exactly the case." Li Weirong said that children need to be attached to the caregivers. Great abilities should deal with external pressure; but if the family ecology is destroyed, the caregiver's emotions will be mapped on the child, and the problem of the caregiver will be reflected in the child. This is the true source of pressure for children.

Li Weirong has summarized an equation that leads to the "sickness" of the child: the child is the focus of the parents' attention, carrying the infinite expectations of the parents; the problems occurred between parents and the stumps have not been resolved, but they began to "focus" on the education of the child. Essence

"These factors are superimposed, and parents' problems will be reflected in their children, making the" child ". It is difficult to imagine that in the past 20 years, the world has changed so much, but in our treatment or evaluation room, I am What I saw seemed to be the same family, almost all of which were China or abroad. "

In Li Weirong's clinic, she encountered young people who had been in her 20s who were admitted to college but could not go to school. After many treatment, the young man told her that she was a reasons for her native family. So she couldn't leave home; she also encountered a little boy who was constantly twitching and almost never spoken, but as soon as he saw his mother crying by his father, he immediately rushed up and said "Mom does not cry."

"Actually, children are the guardians of the family. Many times, those children who are considered 'sickness' are even clearer than experts when they tell their parents. Parents who alienate or have problems often gain a sense of satisfaction from their children. This also makes it difficult for children to have too much interest in the outside world. "Li Weirong said that children themselves are more fragile. After undergoing pressure from family levels, they often tend to Lost the opportunity to develop self -development, so as to cope with the outside world's ability to be worse and worse. Once you encounter problems, it is easy to cause depression and other physical and mental symptoms such as depression, and even more extreme conditions.

When listening to parents' conversation, the child's heartbeat reaches 190 times per minute

How do I know that children are "sick" is caused by parents? Li Weirong's project team has developed a family assessment project to evaluate whether the children who are "sick" are really because of their parents' influence. The project team evaluated more than 1,000 children. In the 30 minutes of the parents' conversation, measure the heartbeat, skin resistance, and body temperature changes of these children.

It was found that some children reached 190 times a minute when they listened to their parents 'conversation, because he was always worried that his parents' contradictions would burst out. Even in the prescribed half-hour conversation time, the parents were just sitting silently. The 16-year-old child's heartbeat reached 180-190 times per minute. "In accepting our inquiry, this child said that parents are silent‘ it is the prelude to their death ’.” In Li Weirong ’s view, if the child is scared to be afraid of his parents every day, it is difficult to imagine that they will be physically and mentally healthy.

She also did a research survey that the most worried issue of the children was the issue of the relationship between the parents, and the parents' criticism and complaints on themselves ranked second. Her research team found that although only 34%of conflict discussion topics in their parents' debate were about children, they often complained by talking about children. In the debate of parents of more than 1,000 families surveyed, only 4%of the debate did not show their parents' dissatisfaction with each other.

Li Weirong told reporters that a large number of studies have reported the impact of parents' contradictions on their children's development, especially how parents express and deal with the impact of contradictions between each other on their children. Prior to this, the academic community always believed that only domestic violence or language violence would affect the child's mental health. After the development of physiology and psychology in recent years, it is discovered that it is not only these that affect children. In the fifth edition of the latest "Psychiatric Diagnosis and Statistics Manual", a diagnostic item of "troubled by parental relationships" was added.

If your parents have the right concept of life, children may be open -minded. "To carry out life education, they cannot be limited to the school to carry out life education for their children. Starting from their parents, every parent must learn to make their lives better, learn to operate well In this way, children can have the correct outlook on life, so as to be sunny and have the ability to cope with stress. "Li Weirong mentioned that the so -called parents must establish a correct outlook on life, that is, every parent must let themselves let themselves make themselves. Life is better, make yourself happy, and feel at ease. She said frankly that this is not easy to do, "A person is in various smooth relationships since birth — very few people who can get this lucky. In fact, the family carrys the family members of each family member. All kinds of expectations, maintaining good family relationships, need to be well -established and take care of it. "

“究竟如何才能做得更好，没有一个标准答案，生命是一辈子的事，关照好自己的生命是每一个人的责任，把孩子的生命教育做好，需要家长把自己的生活安置好，让The family reaches true harmony, "Li Weirong said.

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Author: Jiang Peng

Edit: Jiang Peng

Editor in charge: Tang Wenjia

Picture source: pexels

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*Wenhui exclusive manuscript, please indicate the source for reprinting.

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