Because of the native family, I broke up again before getting married

"I saw that my childhood was so lonely, weak, and helpless, but was not seen and caring."

Today's article comes from Tonglu's contribution. TA entered a psychological counseling with doubts about intimate relationships.

Several love relationships have not succeeded, so that TA has questioned himself, hoping to find answers in the consultation.

The first time I was going to do psychological counseling because I broke up when I was about to talk about marriage again.

During that time, I was stunned. I do n’t know why, in each relationship, I do n’t do it nor trouble, I dare not make any requests, and even many times I want to go farther and farther, but in the end I can only disperse.

During that time, my relatives and friends around me would comfort me, saying that it was not fate. But I have a strong idea in my heart. I want to know why, I can't handle the intimate relationship.

When I was in love, I was also sweet. Why did I seem to evoke anxiety from my heart when I talked about marriage.

In this way, I walked into the psychological counseling room for the first time.

01

I became the emotional trash can of my parents

I cried and told my experience and told my experience, and the consultant asked the situation of my native family. In fact, before going to the psychological counseling, I also know that this should be related to my own growth experience.

Before I was born, my parents were noisy and noisy. Until I went to the third grade of elementary school, I haven't seen them at the same time. I grew up with Grandpa Grandpa. It ’s up to junior high school, and my parents have eased, and I started to live with them.

But the peaceful days did not take long. When high school graduated, his parents were in a failure because of business, and the mother complained to the sky every day, either crying or losing his temper. Because of the death of Grandpa, grandma lived in our house, and her grandmother was very strong, and sometimes she was a bit unreasonable. Dad was a filial piety.

Since then, life is a mess. When I live in school, I will even call me back from school because my parents fight.

I feel torn by them!

As long as my mother was with me alone, she began to scold my dad and scold my dad's relatives.

I often think that her mother gave me up, seeing me just to pour all her grievances and unwillingness to her in her life. And I should be the trash can of her emotions, listening to her complaints and complaints endlessly.

When I started talking to the counselor of the psychological counseling, my most subverted my cognition was that I always thought that I should be the reliance of my parents. Isn't this a matter of justified the mothers' emotions, satisfying the mother's requirements, and working hard to make money to parents?

However, the consultant said that each family member had his own position in his own family system, and I put the wrong position. I did this "parents' parents". I should go back to the position of my child!

Then the consultant said that I had to handle my relationship with my parents first. Only when I and my parents were attributed to them. I really dealt with my inner pain.

But later, I didn't want to continue to consult anymore.

Because as I started working, my parents were older, and the family situation improved. I really didn't want to mention those painful things before. But the consultation process turned out my experiences again. It feels like cutting the scabbing wound again, and the pain in the past is poured out!

I couldn't cry, I couldn't continue, and it ended.

But after that, my emotions not only did not improve, but it was even worse.

02

After learning to be responsible for my parents, I found myself

I feel like a lot of things in my heart, and those things are about to overflow. During that time, I gritted my teeth to work. It seemed not only to work with my teeth, but I was still living with my teeth. I didn't dare to talk to others. I wanted to cry as long as I spoke.

I know I can't do this anymore, so I found a psychological counselor again.

After seeing it, the consultant asked, why did not insist on consulting.

I said the reason, the consultant said, rest assured, I will go back to the past with you. The past is not terrible. You are not the little girl in the past. The pustules in your heart will be completely cured. If you are in this state, it is likely to be depressed.

So, in the later consultation, I listened to the instructions of the consultant, trying to enter a state of free association, trying to return to the childhood, to see the childhood self.

I saw that my childhood was so lonely, weak, and helpless, but was not seen and caring.

In this consultation, I have a new understanding. The original partner I was looking for was my parents. All my childhood loves that my parents lacked in my parents hoped to find them in the future partners.

This new discovery in myself shocked me.

After a period of time, I have been doing psychological counseling on time.

So far, many changes have taken place. In the past, I was very anxious when I was single, and I was suffering from losses when I was in love. But now, it is to do a small thing, and you can be happy.

In the past, I never dared to make requests with their parents, dare not refuse their requests, always afraid of provoking them unhappy, and would not refuse others. They were wronged and unwilling, and they would not say no.

Now I will refuse my parents euphemistically and respect their feelings and ideas. I also moved out of my house. The consultation made me understand too. In the subconscious, my mother kept firmly grasping me. She added the emotions of her partner to me. And I have to understand that my father and mother have their own destiny. I can only respect their destiny.

I should not be responsible for their destiny, and I should only be myself and build my life.

The experience of native families and past experiences will affect our intimate relationship to a certain extent.

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Image source: pinterest

Author: Tonglu

Responsible editor: Bird Man, Viki

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